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    • #67071
      thelightinme
      Participant

      I’m leaving in a (detail removed by moderator). Feeling so numb again. Keeping busy preparing rented house while he’s in work, since I’m still off with stress and depression. Even when my mind tries at times to open a window for him, one last chance, my body is telling me I need to do this, I need to carry on walking and not look back. It must be the right thing to do. I don’t like it when I have doubts and think after all this, I can’t allow myself to regret the decision in the future. It’s got to be right this… Leaving in secret… Accepting financial help from my family…Being off work so long with stress… my children suffering… It seems such a high price to pay for my freedom.

    • #67073
      Iwantmeback
      Participant

      Hi thelightinme, keep strong, you know you’re doing the right thing. Big big mammy hugs to you. It’s good to hear from you, just think you’ll be in your own place soon, peace and quiet for Christmas. 😊😊
      My OH said something weird the other week, that he’s expecting to come home from work one day to a note and I’ll be gone. So he knows I’m unhappy, he must know his behaviour is wrong but still continues, even tho he’s thinking this.
      I’m past caring what he thinks or feels, he’s said and done stuff over the years that is slowly creeping out of the closed box
      Best of luck on moving day, you’ve been amazing ❣

      IWMB 💕💕

    • #67075
      thelightinme
      Participant

      Thank you for bing there Iwantmeback. Your words are full of energy. It’s good you’ve managed to protect your emotions, sealing yourself from his thoughts. I wish I could feel like that all the time, stronger. But I guess I need to accept I’ll be weak sometimes. X*x

    • #67079
      Iwantmeback
      Participant

      I dont feel it all the time but when i do, the inner strength i feel is worth it. It saddens me that he chooses to be a bully, harsh, vindictive, spiteful and a sexpest.
      But woe betide im any of those(except sexpest, i can see me being celibate the rest of my life in the future)😞
      How i come across on here, how i am around other people is who i am, the real me. She doesn’t exist in my marriage😞
      Im trying to practice laws of attraction again. What you put out into the universe, you get back and then some.
      I’m trying to visualise my own place, just me, my candles(cos im not allowed them on, he hates the Smell) feeling safe, relaxed.
      You’re getting that soon, i am soooooo happy fir you😊😊😊
      IWMB 💕💕

    • #67085
      Apricotpoppy
      Participant

      Hi lightinme, you are absolutely doing the right thing for your children and your self. Otherwise the toxic effect of the stress and. abuse may cause your health to deteriorate further and the your children to suffer long term from the emotional abuse.
      Please be very careful as leaving is potentially dangerous. Do you have a DA worker to support you ?
      I found it so hard to leave but after I read about trauma bonding it made more sense. Once he was gone I made an appointment for an abuse trained police officer to come around to do a report, he was very kind and explained a lot of helpful things about security, non mols and harassment and put an alert on the address. I am finding trauma focused CBT very helpful for PTSD and triggers. Though as you can see by the time I have sleep problems still ! Am going to do a guided meditation soon to get me back to sleep..Also the pastoral care teacher at the school may be able to offer support and help with the children once you are out.
      Good luck, you can do it and then you will start to feel better, and slowly start to heal.

      Apricot poppy x*x

    • #67086
      Apricotpoppy
      Participant

      The women on here are amazing and between WA and this forum I gained some very good support and advice on how to go forward. X*x

    • #67090

      I think and feel you said it yourself best – to sum up what may be needed now:

      keep walking, keep walking, keep walking.

      I think I know that feeling of my mind telling me one thing and my body another.

      In a Star Wars kind of a sense (I’m a fan):

      May the Force be with you

      all best
      ftc
      x

    • #67122
      thelightinme
      Participant

      Thank you all for your comments.

    • #67123
      thelightinme
      Participant

      It will be so nice to start ‘feeling’ again some day, Iwantmeback. I hope the laws of attraction are out there working… x*x

    • #67124
      thelightinme
      Participant

      Yes Apricotpoppy, I have a domestic abuse worker from my local agency and a children’s worker will soon start supporting my eldest daughter too. That’s all so good. I’m calling police tomorrow to warn them about the day I’m moving out. My mummy’s arriving soon, no one knows, she’s going straight to rented house. Now we just have to wait and be prepared for my husbands reaction, which is going to be horrendous I know that. You’re so right about my health deteriorating, it’s so obvious. That reason alone would be enough to do this x*x

    • #67125
      thelightinme
      Participant

      I like it freedom to choose. May the force be with us all x*x

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