Hi Better Days,
I think we need to stop thinking that these abusers think like us.
It isn’t that he was a nice, reasonable person who decided to just play a game with you.
Abusers aren’t reasonable. They don’t look at the world like we do. They look at it in a selfish and childish way; they see other people as challenges or threats, it not as people to love. This is why they end up mistreating and using people. Their values are all mixed up.
I think it might help you to realise this, as you will then see that it is not your fault. He was born like that, he became that adult. He would have been like that for anyone.
Wishing they were different is like wishing a pig’s ear became a silk purse. They just don’t have the capacity or motivation.
We made poor choices in men. The fact they fooled us makes it their fault. They lied. But it’s no reflection on us. We are still good and pure x*x