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    • #120601
      Beautifulday
      Participant

      Hi Everyone,
      I havent been on in a few months truth is I’ve just been so stressed and low that I tend to go within myself and try to be strong but I realised I missed the support of the forum and the lovely ladies who gave me so much help and support.
      As you know I was in an emotionally abusive – physical at the start marriage lockdown was a lightbulb moment for me I was so nervous but contacted WA back in (detail removed by Moderator) last year best thing I ever did , I also wrote a lot on here and In (detail removed by Moderator) gained courage to file for divorce. I still have to live with him whilst this is going ok which is horrible but I see light at the end of the tunnel. I know its going to take a good few few months with covid and I’m trying to be strong. 
      What really confuses me is when he knew about the divorce he acted blase like he didn’t care and that for me proved I meant nothing to him.. now he’s acting all normal like its not happening  trying to be all nicey nice.. one day in strong and feeling strong the next I’m a mess and feel immense guilt its just messing with my head. I know I will never go back and I’m firmly set on divorce I just cant get this guilt out of my head constantly thinking what if he doesn’t manage, he hasn’t got anyone,  etc etc stupid I know!!!! Shows how much of an empath I am . I just want to know if anyone else experienced this ?

    • #120609
      Eggshells
      Participant

      I absolutely hate my ex. Decades of abuse followed by a really nasty divorce left me feeling the opposite from how you feel. But I think I’m quite rare. Many women have expressed concern for their partners. Honestly, he’ll be fine. These men are born survivors. When one “feed” dries up they just go out and find another. Save your concern for his next victim. Just like you, she’ll most likely be kind and empathic and she won’t deserve his abuse any more than you did.

      He will be fine. It’s time to focus on you now.

    • #120614
      gettingtired
      Participant

      Hey beautifulday, I did wonder where you’d gone and hoped you were doing ok.
      I’m sorry to hear you were struggling and am glad you’re back.
      It must be very tough having to live with him still especially if he’s acting all blase and pretending things are rosy.
      Have you referred back to your journal when the guilt creeps in? It’s good you can see that light at the end of the tunnel. Roll on life without him 💟

    • #120633
      Beautifulday
      Participant

      Hi @gettingtired
      Thank you so much for your reply, from around October I was trying to focus on myself, walking a lot, eating healthy, I was talking to a Councillor as I know I have ptsd and attachment issues.. I was doing very good then around December I relapsed became very anxious and down again and with covid on top. I’ve been ok the past week or two .. I think its just having to still live with him whilst this is going on, if I didn’t have to live with him I think I’d feel a whole lot different.. I hope your ok? I have been thinking of you all x*x

    • #120634
      Beautifulday
      Participant

      @eggshells

      Its good that you were so strong to be able to think like that sadly in my case there has been so much psychological and emotional abuse that its warped my mind so much I can’t see clearly. Only when I’m away from thr house and him will I be able to think clearly. That’s what abuse does to you we are all different and all react in different ways for me I’m such an empath I constantly worry about others always feel im to blame etc so its hard for me to just switch off and hate someone. Even though I do hate him for everything he’s done I still can’t stop my mind feeling guilty for what I’m doing.. this is why I’m paying for counselling to get my mind back to how it was, to realise I’ve been conditioned to think like this.. years down the line ill look back and realise how crazy my way of thinking is but when your in the thick if it you can’t see it

    • #120637
      StilliRise2b
      Participant

      @Beautifulday, are you sure my husband & yours weren’t related in previous lives lol.
      First of all well done you for filling for divorce and I wish it all goes smoothly for you so you can get rid of him for good.
      I swear if I were to pack my bags and leave with the kids today, my husband would just carry on as if nothing was the matter. He would be as blasé about it as any mondaine incident. At times i really want to shake him and ask him if he has ever cared about our marriage? For the donkey years we have been together he has never ever wanting to discuss our relationship unless I ask him to. He has no views on anything, but will blame me if
      I make a decision and things go wrong.I hope I can one day get the courage to live him.
      Stay strong the end is near I am sure, and the guilt you are feeling is quite normal, but I am sure deep down you know he will be just fine, In fact he will move on with his life before you know it.
      PS: thanks for your advice on my post, I had a look at the “getting out of the FOG” page, and oh my another eye opener xx

    • #120639
      ISOPeace
      Participant

      Beautifulday my guess is that the strength of your guilt is driven by your fear of what’s happening. If you’re an empath then guilt is a perfect way to hook you. Fear is very clever in finding ways to stop you taking risks. It’s perfectly fine to feel however you feel but if your guilt is trying to make you act in ways that are not in your best interest then it’s lying to you in some way.

      I hope that makes sense. I’m not doubting that you genuinely feel guilt and concern for him, I just think that our fear hooks us in with the things that work the best so your fear has made your guilt bigger than it would otherwise be. Xxxx

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