18th April 2022 at 2:23 pm #142082
It has been quite some time since i have left but not a whole year.
i feel awful, i dont really have any friends – one of them completely ignores me and only hits me up when she wants to have fun and go out and the other one does the same and replies a little bit.
both of my friends are married and im not married anymore. i feel like maybe they think theres soemthing wrong with me so they talk to me less. i could make new friends but im not in uni anymore so how can i meet people? i just feel like i have very low quality friends. one tells me to just move on and the other one IGNORES ME.
im starting to do things for myself – like further my education, go gym, start praying, eat nice things, do my makeup nicely,learn how to drive. i passed the theory test and ive been trying to pass that for (detail removed by Moderator) YEARS lol not exaggerating.
WHY DO I STILL FEEL AWFUL? people may argue that im not working on loving myself but im trying so hard and its not working?
ive educated myself on domestic abusers but im worried cus i think i wont love anyone again.
i just feel so heartbroken like why do i still love him?
he is in prison now and when i said im worrried hes coming out soon my friend said well hes been there for some time now.. AND I FIND THAT SO INSENSITIVE.
like god no one undwerstands me. what am i gonna do when he gets out? i wont feel safe and i know i hate to admit this but i just know hes gonna move on so easily and it makes me sad.
he wont miss me because i reported him tp the police and he will just replace me, i was his wife and he didnt even show me kindness.
now whenever im around people from the same country as me it triggers me, like my ex mother in law abused me and so did my ex sis in law so it makes me not feel comfortable around people from the same ethicity as me.
everyones judges me and feels sorry for him cus hes in prison, even my own extended family.
this whole experiece has haunted me.. all i have been given is helpline numbers, my idva closed the case without me wanting her to, i have absolutely NO ONE
18th April 2022 at 2:25 pm #142083
everyone told me to leave him but where is all the support now? theres only o much i can speak to my own family about
18th April 2022 at 2:25 pm #142084
atleast when i was with him i had someone with me
18th April 2022 at 7:54 pm #142108Twisted SisterParticipant
This is so sad isn’t it, that you’ve been through all this, and everyone on your side saying leave him, and then they leave you! I’m glad you feel you can speak out here and express the distress this has all brought you.
It takes time to renew friendships, or start anew, and during this time feel very isolating to be on your own with all that you’ve been through. I don’t know why you wouldn’t still be receiving support, especially as he may be released in the near future, this is a potential time of risk, so its no suprise that you would be feeling anxious again. Will there still be some kind of order against him making contact with you? There should be. Make sure that if you see him or hear from him, or he tries to make contact in any way, you alert the police so he can be removed or you have evidence for an order against him making any further attempts to reach you.
Take control back, prioritise yourself and your life. I sincerely hope he does move on, and also appreciate at the same time that this will be a painful thing for you to go through too. Please keep posting your thoughts and feelings as you work through this. Its not your fault, and you need to be vigilant at this time of risk. I can’t imagine what it must have been like going through testifying against him and seeing him sent down, I hope for you that this has effected some change upon him ever trying to reach you again, but experience does tell us otherwise, so stay safe, and keep in touch with everyone.
18th April 2022 at 6:27 pm #142101The DuchessParticipant
I understand you completely, I hated it when my friends used to say just move on. That is easier said than done , it is so hard to break that attachment, the bond , I too reported mine and he still came back even after I went up against him in court , unfortunately I went back with him as I was like you , but it wasn’t the same , maybe I never felt the same and I walked away for good a few months ago . I think we are in love with the idea of them , but not the person they are , your friends don’t obviously understand the aftermath of domestic abuse they not like normal relationships to just get over , it takes a long time to heal , from what I read you have made great progress, you should feel very proud of yourself, your doing you now and your already moving on , don’t be so hard on yourself everything takes time , your answer is not him , in time you will meet new people, new friends to mix with , maybe at the gym you never know. I wouldn’t stress yourself on the thought of him coming out soon , and what will happen etc , try and take each day as it comes , remember the reasons why you are away from him and how much of a better life you will have . I thought I would never get there , it still hurts me as I did love my ex a lot , probably still do in some ways , but it’s not the love you and I both need or want and it’s not the relationship we need , I wanted a better life and I’m sure you do too , focus on the positives that you have achieved and be proud x
18th April 2022 at 7:02 pm #142102MellowParticipant
Tbh it’s not been long enough in my eyes you have written one of my fears and that is of being alone which is why I’m still with my abuser and slowly gaining little control back like making new friends while I’m here and putting on my face in a morning .mine is more emotional than physical and I’m hoping things get better but I will never know.I don’t like to call it abuse as it sounds nothing like what you’re have been through.it sounds like you are doing a lot and the fact he’s coming out is giving you anxiety but you must try to move forward (detail removed by Moderator)
18th April 2022 at 8:02 pm #142110nbumblebeeParticipant
Had to just say am right here too @mellow just the same as you trying hard to live a life along side a very nasty man hard isnt it sweetie.
@brokenheartedgirl1234 firstly you are amazing.
I agree with others its hasnt been long these things i imagine take alot of time, alot of gentle baby steps towards healing from all the abuse you suffered. Have you a counsellor? May be a good idea to really talk it through with someone who can help and guide you through the next phase. Dont be hard on yourself you need time and love sweetie for yourself xx
18th April 2022 at 7:44 pm #142107The DuchessParticipant
It’s probably why I stayed longer than I should have , lost both parents within a year , losing friends who were fed up of the drama of hearing me going on and on about him , found myself on my own and we were very much 24 / 7 together, so I only had him , I knew it was wrong , but I couldn’t let go , kept hanging on , going back , but then I thought well I’m on my own either way with him or without , at least I would be at peace , no more insults , control , abuse , gaslighting behaviour, even if I’m on my own at least I can sleep at night . You will get there just allow yourself time x
18th April 2022 at 10:57 pm #142130Grey RockParticipant
Hiya. Have you spoken to Women’s Aid or similar in your area? There may we’ll be a drop in group you could go to? Nothing beats talking to / making friends with other ladies who’ve been through similar experiences to us and being able to just talk about them and how we’re feeling about life. The Freedom Program was a game changer for me, and a big part of that was just being able to speak with other women who understand how I’m feeling and what happened.
19th April 2022 at 7:33 am #142134MellowParticipant
It is difficult trying to fill their needs but crying inside because they don’t care about yours and everything they do shows it.I don’t have much people but I made a new friend this time I was certain to build a friendship and my father passed away not too long ago.I also have 4 children sometimes listening to the abuse kills me especially when he’s trying to say it jokingly but mean at the same time I can’t believe what I’m hearing sometimes the most hateful things what come out of no where
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