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    • #135514
      Laloba
      Participant

      Trigger alert – please don’t read this if you’re struggling.

      My ex and I broke up (detail removed by Moderator) years ago. Right after we broke up, some things happened and we were counties apart, still I did not break the contact. He was with other women and I was answering his calls almost on a weekly basis and when we were back in the same country, we started seeing each other as friends, we ended up hooking up a couple of times, but in the end I ended things and finally blocked him from everywhere.

      It’s being (detail removed by Moderator) months since I last saw or spoke with him, and (detail removed by Moderator) years since we broke up – I’m still struggling like hell. I’m depressed, afraid of meeting people, with social anxiety, every couple of weeks i break down and cry about my ex for hours. I’m trying to move on and hold on, but I’m a mess. I don’t think that this will ever get better. I live far from my family and friends, all my friends here are in relationships, I feel completely lonely.

      I’m loosing hope I’ll ever get better.. it’s been (detail removed by Moderator) years for christ sake. Nothing I do makes me feel better. I have motivation for nothing. I was expecting that I would be a fighter and turn thing around, that I’d be a survivor, but to be honest, I just feel completely paralysed. I’ve being doing therapy but not sure if it’s working, not because hes not good, but only because I feel desolated… and it’s being so long – just so long I can’t believe this.

    • #135520
      Eyesopening
      Participant

      Hey, to me, I would say its been as long as when you stopped contact. Your healing only started then. Only since then your mind and body will be processing that the abuser is out of your life and is now safe to start to heal. Before then you were in contact and even met up. He was still in your head, still in control someway.
      I think it’s normal for healing to take a long time, I am now seeing that myself.
      Have you researched about abuse and the trauma bond? Trauma bond will explain why your crying, your basically detoxing from him, its like going cold turkey from a drug addiction.
      Its such a huge complicated subject, the chemical side of it is complex and we can’t heal as quickly as we would like i think.
      Keep posting and reaching out x*x

    • #135533
      Twisted Sister
      Participant

      hi,

      you’re not alone in your struggles, and I would also say that you’ve only truly been disconnected for the last (detail removed by Moderator) months, since you broke all contact. Its when you have that finality that it truly is over that you drop, and face the reality of what you’ve been through, plus suffer the loss of the hopes and dreams you once held dear, the hopes and dreams that kept you there despite the hell you lived. Now thats broken and behind you, and you are free to pick up the pieces little by little to reconstruct your new life.

      Baby steps, be kind to yourself, and patient. Help yourself out in every way you can, try to rest and treat yourself to relaxing times, whatever relaxing is for you. you’ve been through so much, and now is time to focus on taking care of you, utterly selfishly, without thought for him anymore.

      Devote your life to yourself and your health and care.

      warmest wishes TS

    • #135580
      Bee1
      Participant

      I am feeling the same. I send out a lot of love to others here. I know it hurts. How long will it take for me to heal? I am disabled also. I am so stuck, I am scared my life will end like this. Alone. I am taking care of me as much as possible, I eat well, I sleep well, but the loneliness is ultra painful, I am paying a price for the abuse, when all I did was give my heart and soul, until I was broken. I cannot physically move much so I can’t even escape my feelings with endorphin boosting activity. I have my elders but they cannot take worries of my sadness so I stay ‘chirpy’ for them. I know there is noo quick fix for healing, I try to be patient with me. I meditate and rest when I have to with the physical pain. I struggle to see a happy ending for me.
      This is not self pity, just looking at the reality of my life now. I pray for faith that I could have a little true happiness before my time’s up. 🙏🏼 I feel for us all who have a broken heart.

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