It's driving me crazy

[Ribbon]

I’ve been married (detail removed by Moderator), my husband cheated on me with the mother of his child before we married but he denied everything and said she was crazy and making it up even though she showed me the text messages.
But I got sucked in and believed him.
Things were going OK apart from I had a gut feeling he had lots of girls on his Facebook and he was liking all there profile pics which I thought was strange.
My friend also told me he was on a dating website but again he got angry with me and said to me ‘ everyone’s trying to break us up and cause problems for us’ so I again believed him.
We married and after (detail removed by Moderator) of getting married he went to see his ex to see his daughter. Again he spent all day playing happy family’s and I found out he was cheating.
To cut a very long story short for months we have been married he has constantly lied and I’ve found fake accounts with women on there he’s spent nights with his ex.
But he gets so nasty towards me when I say I can’t be with him because of this.
He shouts and calls me horrible names and who would want me. He tells me it’s all my fault and I’m a bad wife, he swears at me.
I get scared of his rages. Then he will calm down in seconds and be overely nice and be so loving. And then if I don’t take him bk he gets nasty again so I just take him back. Also he’s stolen from me but again it’s proving everything all the time.( sorry if my stories a bit muddled…a bit like my mind at the moment)
……I suppose I just want a bit of support is this abuse but why do I miss him? And what to do to move forward am I being silly. I feel like I’m going crazy and doubting all the truth and lies he has told me.
I don’t know what to do 🙁

[Healthyarchive]

Dear Ribbon, there is a post on here at the moment called Cheating, you might find some good tips or feedback on there. XXXXX

[Ayanna]

Hi, he is badly abusing you.
That must be so painful for you. This monster has been gaslighting you ever since.
You probably felt it all the time anyway and you numbed your sixth sense.
Do you want to get out?
Speak to Women’s Aid.
You have a short marriage. You can just file for adultery or unreasonable behaviour.
Do not let him treat you like this!
You deserve so much better!
Make sure you are safe. Abuse gets worse when the victim leaves. Do not let him know that you inform yourself.

Is it your house where you live or his or do you share?
Do you have somewhere to go?
Stay safe! Keep your mobile on you, put it on silence and call 999 if you are scared and let the police hear everything.

[Ribbon]

Hi
Thank you Ayanna. I never let him move back in after the first time he cheated. Which he blames me for!! He keeps saying to me why didn’t I love him I’m not a good wife because I listen to everyone else but him.
I have finessed it with him this week when I saw one of his accounts with other women who he is calling them his (detail removed by Moderator)! ! I felt sick and when I confronted him he said he was trying to make me jealous.
Now I have told him I want no contact he is being extra nice and saying I need to start acting like a good wife and being a good wife and work together to fix it.
But I don’t want to so I’m not txting him back. Which then makes him turn the guilt onto me and makes me feel sorry for him and think, perhaps it is me and it’s not that bad.
He calls me names and gets very personal. He’s so scary when he shouts and gets in my head but why do I miss him?? :'( I feel awful but putting on a brave face xx

[Ayanna]

Oh, well done you!
Zero contact is the best way to deal with him!
And get the divorce ready!
Yes, it is a terrible feeling to lose the one we gave ourselves to. It is very painful to admit to ourselves that the relationship did not work. It is painful to rip them out of our hearts again.
Read up about Trauma Bonding and Stockholm Syndrome.
It gets better with time, especially with zero contact.
Stay strong! x*x

[Anonymous]

Stay strong . Ive been through hell also .. my ex said to me his ex girlfriend was crazy .. my ex sent me crazy .. i run for my life in the end .. there are so many women finding it so hard to walk away from abusers.. some dont get out alive stay strong xx we have all the power now xx

[Ribbon]

I went back to him for a weekend as he made me feel special again and made me feel sorry for him.
But again he has completely twisted everything again so that things are my fault and accusing me of things I don’t think or feel or done…..he is good at that. So have left again!! But I feel bad now as seem to keep bouncing all over the place as if I don’t respond to him in the way he wants he starts to get really nasty and threatening in text!! Why can’t he just understand its over and will never work between us :'(

[Author]

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