- This topic has 8 replies, 8 voices, and was last updated 8 years ago by
Lioness.
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12th January 2017 at 1:19 am #36052
lilaclady
ParticipantWell this is it. I have found a place to rent with my son, having to sign a (detail removed by Moderator) lease which is very scary. I initially had been talking to my husband about us separating and me having some space for a while (detail removed by Moderator) or so. There has been lots of talking very full on, about how he wants to change, how he knows he now has a problem, please don’t leave me….to well you won’t get much money from me I don’t have any (he does) and if you sign (detail removed by Moderator) lease I won’t help, to telling me he will pay (detail removed by Moderator) months rent thats it you’re the one leaving its your decision and manipulating things to make me feel very scared that I am out on my own with nothing. I have wrestled with my decision to leave the past week and whether to take the house.. He has also said he wants shared custody of our son. Our son is very small and I am not comfortable him having “two homes” also this man has not once looked after him on his own for a whole day or a whole night. So that has scared me too. I am more than happy for him to have two homes in the future just not now.
With every conversation leaving me numb, and confusing my mind I have decided to take the house, to take the (detail removed by Moderator) lease. I am very scared about money (my contract job ends (detail removed by Moderator)) and I can’t afford to support both of us on my salary. I do have some savings but they won’t last once I have paid my deposit moving costs and bought the things I need like a fridge etc.
So I am contacting my lawyer tomorrow to see what I can do what my rights are how much he has to support me. And if my husband won’t support us then off to court we go.
I feel terribly scared about this GIANT STEP but I know it’s time to do it. And I am not interested in space or time out this is it is over. So he is away as of (detail removed by Moderator) and that is when I am going to move. I can see I won’t be able to with him here, endlessly talking or whatever. Today after we spoke he sent me (detail removed by Moderator) with happy pictures of us saying he loved me and we have had such good memories. Master manipulator.
Wish me luck ladies and see you on the other side….
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12th January 2017 at 6:40 am #36055
EeyoreNoMore
ParticipantGood luck Lilac, you’re totally doing the right thing here.
Expect his attitude to change from shared custody to full custody. Expect him to make up all kinds of rubbish and throw it at you.
You’re strong now, well done!
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12th January 2017 at 7:26 am #36056
KIP.
ParticipantWell done. It’s the space you need. You can shut your door at night and have some peace. He can’t control that. I think you will be reassured once you speak to a solicitor. Keep contact with him to a minimum. Use a third party if you can and never be alone with him. The fog of abuse will begin to clear with the space you need to heal X
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12th January 2017 at 7:37 am #36057
Confused123
ParticipantHI HUn
well done on finding a place, dont worry u willbe ok, iknow its scary i was the same will i be able to afford it, there is a lot of support availble, go to housing benefits and complete form to see if any support is available, claim the tax credit element too, also if he is on birth certificate, by law he has to pay child maintenace, a lot of them find ways to pay bare minimum, later on u can look into getting him removed from house and u stay in house with child, dont worry about the (detail removed by Moderator) contract that’s standard, you can always terminate with the correct notice period should u find a cheaper place. keep your documents stored safely
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12th January 2017 at 8:49 am #36058
lilaclady
ParticipantThanks all! Can’t believe it’s happening. Felt totally broken earlier…but a weird wave of strength just now. Like you say KIP I need that space, I need to close the door and have some peace. Peace is what I need right now. And sleep!
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12th January 2017 at 1:15 pm #36063
backtome
ParticipantGood luck lovely! Stay strong and WELL DONE for getting out. A friend of mine moved out within the space of a normal working day so I know it’s do-able. She said goodbye to him that morning as normal and then off she went.
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6th February 2017 at 3:51 pm #37562
pink rose
ParticipantWell done for getting out. I was so scared too about how I would manage financially but I did, there are always ways around things xx
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6th February 2017 at 4:32 pm #37568
White Rose
ParticipantWell done! Exciting and scary too. It will be so much better when you are away from him.
Remember abusers moods can worsen when they get wind of the fact we are leaving so take care and stay safe.
Good luck with the move and we’ll still be here I’m sure when you reach the other side xx -
7th February 2017 at 4:19 pm #37613
Lioness
ParticipantWell done hunny, that’s brilliant. in time your peace will come and you can finally have your own space and peace of mind. you are your own person, nobody has the right to own you or manipulate you. well done, its a step closer to your happy place. thinking of you xx
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