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    • #113862
      strongeralone
      Participant

      I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost (detail removed by moderator) now, and first started seeing red flags only a month in that I chose to ignore simply because he has a very sugary sweet side to him. We have both become extremely controlling, and I have tried maybe close to 10 times to break up with him, but he always makes me feel guilty about what he has given up to be with me, the time and energy he has put into bonding with my two children, and how he knows I love him too much to leave him. A (detail removed by moderator) ago I snuck out of my apartment to go to my mom’s to try to break things off again, and pleaded with him for hours to leave my place, but over the phone he convinced me to come back. (detail removed by moderator) I know I want to leave, but his words always sting me and soften me. To the point where I have even told him not to believe me when I tell him I want to break up. It’s gotten so ugly and I’m tired of being yelled at, of yelling at him, of feeling guilty and trapped. I don’t know how to get him to leave.

    • #113864
      KIP.
      Participant

      Contact the police. I know it sounds drastic but this is a very dangerous time for you. It’s your apartment and he has no right to be there. Could you move his belongings to his friend or family member and change the locks when he is out then message him and block him. You have given him chance after chance. He’s going nowhere till he’s made to go. Abusers are great manipulators. You could contact your local women’s aid for advice or the national domestic abuse helpline. You won’t ever win an argument with an abuser. They know your weaknesses.

    • #113880
      fullofguilt
      Participant

      I understand so much where you are coming from. It took me (detail removed by Moderator) years to leave even though I had wanted to leave so many times. I finally asked for a divorce (detail removed by Moderator) months ago. He wouldn’t let me leave the house with my children until (detail removed by Moderator) and now after less than (detail removed by Moderator) weeks he’s told me he’s going to go for custody of our children if I don’t agree to all his terms. I feel like I am never going to be free from him. I can’t argue with him as I never win. He always convinces me he is right or gets me to agree even when I don’t want to. Just to make him stop shouting at me. For years I didn’t even reaslise it was abuse. The things I have accepted and agreed to. I can’t believe it now I look back. People told me but I couldn’t see it. I just though he loved me and had a passionate temperament. Now I feel so stupid. But I carry so much guilt. I feel like it’s all my fault. How did I not see it. How did I stay with him. How did he make me into this person that is not who I was. And now how can he be the father of my children. He doenst want to spend time with them or be with them but he will fight for custody just to control me and them. And he so clever and convincing how can I fight him. (detail removed by Moderator) was the first time I was strong enough to say no to him. I don’t know how I can continue the fight of a divorce. Im just so tired and deflated. I’m so scared of him. But not physically and now o can see that it was mental abuse. I hate myself for being in this position.

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