27th August 2019 at 1:21 am #86538
I tripped and fell down some steps. Could not get up due to a recently broken body part from another fall.(accidental). he stood over me as I tried to figure out how to stand/get off the ground. After several minutes he said ‘do you need help or anything?” but turning away as he said it. As I struggled in speechless fear and sheer dumbstruck bewilderment the dog approached, licked my face, whined and pushed into me to help me up. I realised this animal was showing the correct empathic response and saw the light.
27th August 2019 at 1:15 pm #86560
Oh Cecile this is hearbreaking, I cannot believe the reaction of your abuser.
I am so pleased your dog helped you, such kind heart. Yes this is indeed the appropriate response.
Darling, you sound physically fragile, with two broken parts now, you need time for your bones to recover and heal with proper care and support.
Could you please call Women’s Aid for support, tell them about your situation.
Also plan an appointment with your GP.
Keep posting, sending you hugs and strength 💕
27th August 2019 at 1:58 pm #86570
Oh thank you so much.To me this is normal. I am not looking for sympathy but I crave normal human empathy and emotional responses so much, and I am so ill.
I have become very numb but events during recent emergency hospital trip have prodded me back to life.He displayed these behaviours in spades- callousness, abandonment, self interest, etc towards me (that to me are part of every day life) and I was ashamed to see the horror of reactions to him by the NHS staff. He has told me that I fell because I don’t look down often enough when I walk and going forward this has to stop.
Covert narcissism or what.
I rang the helpline several times- couldn’t even leave a message- so I have sent a long email to them and am waiting their reply.
I have decided to give the GP a copy of the email for my records as it spells it all out.
28th August 2019 at 1:51 pm #86654
You’ve done very well by contacting both Women’s Aid and your GP Cecile, it does take a lot of courage either way, phone or email to attempt to utter what is happening to you. I know I did choke up into sobbing incoherence on the phone.
You’ve taken the first step reaching out for support and you can count on getting the empathic support and respect you deserve. Just like your lovely dog demonstrated.
May I share my concern of your fall downs, I find it worrisome if it has been accidental then preventive measures should be considered putting in place shouldn’t they? (residence without stairs or solid supportive bars being placed on both sides of the staircase)… could you please consult and flag this matter with your GP?
Sending you hugs and wishing you good healing darling 💕
28th August 2019 at 2:27 pm #86656
Many thanks again for your support- it feels like rain on a hot dry desert. Yes he began to threaten me (detail removed by moderator) about finances and said he will ‘tell’ that I was verbally abusive to him, etc. Interesting how it works, this mechanism of subjugation. Then followed me out to the garden when I refused to engage and left the room, and spoke to me in honeyed tones about plans for an outing. All within seconds without a falter in expression or tone or speech. Although he does follow me a lot when he does not like me being assertive, it is intimidating.
He is a serious instigator of ‘blanking’ especially around things central to my basic needs. I slept on a floor for many months and ended up pleading for access to our money to get a bed. He was unflinching in his blankness and I did resort to swearing very creatively as he finally cracked and showed a reaction to me. I am more than proud to admit to the skill and imagination I had to draw upon to utilise words like ‘c***’ to get my own bed. Seriously it is again a very humiliating thing to have to resort to doing.
I cannot find words to describe how desperate am for emotional support and practical advice. Very nervous about seeing the GP as `I am very shy and timid and don’t feel confident about this at all. This is my second attempt, I bottled out of the first one. I have written it all down and am resolved to ask him to put it on my medical file.I have established that my blood pressure escalates wildly during any interaction with him- found out by accident, it is otherwise normalise- and that is when I trip and fall. My body is trying to sell me something, I think.
I find your example so inspiring could you please tell me how things are for you now?
31st August 2019 at 12:09 pm #86870
Yes I think it is your body ringing the alarm bells for you. My body works as alarm system as well, I can 100% rely on it. It’s powerful.
It does take a lot of courage going to the gp to talk about your abusive relationship. You’ve cleverly prepared ahead by writing your letter so you can use this as your strong hold and reference point.
You might wish to ask a trustworthy friend or family member to accompany you to your gp appointment? And think of a treat you would reward yourself with afterwards, as motivation to go there in the first place.
Abusers are such vile individuals they do not care about even our most basic needs so it is especially important to care extremely well for yourself.
Things are fine with me, I am out and in recovery phase which I am quite impatient to get out of. I suffer from anxiety and depression, following a therapy and being medicated for it. I am living in my own flat, I am not working, living off of social welfare.
I do sleep in a proper bed now which I appreciate because like you he didn’t provide me with one, he broke ours and I had to organise a mattress for myself and slept on the floor in the attic, just like Cinderella. But I do find it difficult to live alone. I’ve never lived alone ever, I’ve always lived with my (large) family, then with flat-mates and straight into the abusive relationship. When I open my cute little fridge, it’s full of food I wish to eat, I do appreciate it but I also close the door quite quickly stunned to realise its entire content is all just for me. I am not use to not sharing with anyone. It feels unnatural to me. I think it’ll possibly be the first and last time in my life that I’ll live alone.
It might take me a little while to fully recover from this huge shocker of what my abusive relationship has put me through, but my resolve to live freely, safely and happily is incredibly strong.
I hope your injuries are healing well?
Take good care of yourself and keep posting to let us know how you are doing honey
Sending you hugs 💕
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