It’s not okay to be abusive

[Rosemary]

My partner knows there something wrong with him
But he will not get any support he says he will do
Things his own way he said he dont need to talk to
A counsellor they are strangers he has me to talk
To . I am always here to listen to him and give him surport but his not helping him self or careing how it affects me and my children when he
Wants to blow up . He tells me when he feels his
Going to blow up or that he feels his going to lose it I think he tells me in advance because he nows that I feel anxious when his like this. I suffer from anxiety and depression sometimes I feel he use my mental health as a weapon against me because he nows I dont like it when he gets annoyed and abusive. His made me cry many times in the past I am geting stronger in my self but some
Days I feel weak because my parnter giveing me mental toucher and abusive. He often talks to me about his past he brings this up when he is geting abusive at me or geting annoyed at me because of how his feeling stressing about something his past with his family comes up when his geting abusive at me he trys to blame me and well for how his family treated him like I am doing the same but that’s not right I could be sitting here quite and he would just come out with something that is cup setting him he would talk about it for a while I get a bad headache when he always talks about
Negative things that happened in his life with his family he puts all of the stress on to me it gets
To much for me sometimes sence his mom and dad past away his got more angury geting more abusive and controling to .he also says to me that when my mom and dad pass away that I would feel his pain
I am not quite sure why his saying this to me but
He says to me that I can talk to my mom and dad he cant this is not any of my fault that his mom and dad past away he makes me feel sometimes that I
Should not be phoneing my mom and dad because of
My partner gets abusive with me because he dont
Dont have his mom and dad to talk to . Does anyone understand this I understand what loneliness feels
I now my partner miss his mom and dad and I always
Lissen to him when he talks about them but when he talks about the same thing over and over again I feel like I am geting mental toucher I dont now what elese I can do for him I gave him advice to get support he dont want to get any he said I am here and that he dont need anyone elese to talk to . I told him that (detail removed by moderator) it gets quite depressing there only so much I can cope with geting abusive at me about thease things ain’t right geting annoyed with him self as well . Sometimes when I go to bed my parnter is huffing and puffing while I am trying to go to sleep his geting angury with him self he
Keeps me awake he dont do this often but sometimes
I think this is being selfish I dont understand why he gets angry with him self? My heart hurts
With anxiety when his doing this any time he gets annoyed angry abusive my heart goes fast sometimes I am shakeing its horrible can anyone give me
Advice please.

[KIP.]

Hi and welcome. Please contact your local women’s aid for support. You’re partner is extremely abusive and anxiety and depression is what happens to victims in an abusive relationship. He chooses to abuse you. He can control himself when he wants to around witnesses. Being abused makes us feel like we are losing our mind. Google gaslighting. The power and control wheel. The cycle of abuse. Read Living with the Dominator by Pat Craven. There is never an excuse for domestic abuse. But abusers will simply abuse and if they can’t think of something they will simply make stuff up. Like abusing you because he doesn’t have his mum or dad to talk to. Many people don’t have parents and are not abusive. He chooses to abuse you and abuse always gets worse. Talk to your GP about his behaviour and ask for good counselling with someone trained in domestic abuse.

[Rosemary]

Thank you Kip for your advice I appreciate it
It makes sense what you are saying because his mood can switch just like that and he knows what
Excually what his doing because he tells me in advance when he feels his going to lose it . Everyone lose people they love in life and
I agree there no excuse to be abusive
And controlling in anyway . I have my own
Councillor she is in touch with me now and then she surport me but it’s nice to talk out with
Others and get surport . It’s been worse in lockdown with abusive from my partner. Now lockdown is geting a bit better I can book a tell phone call with my counsellor. I felt I need to talk out last night as i got so much on my mind .
Thank you for your support it means alot to me .
At first i did not realise what my partner was doing to me was wrong untill i reach out and talk to womens aid doctors and counsellors. Also he makes me feel bad if I leave him because he has no oone of his family to talk to most of his family past away he has some family alive thoe but its geting me down and he makes me feel on edge what he says and does

[KIP.]

An abuser will use fear Obligation and Guilt to trap us in a relationship. Make sure your counsellor is fully trained in domestic abuse. The wrong information or advice can set you back years. None of this abuse is your fault. He won’t change and abuse always gets worse so concentrate on you and your mental health. Don’t treat the symptoms you need to treat the cause which is him. I had anxiety and depression and eventually PTSD all caused by his behaviour, the longer you stay the more damage is done.

[Rosemary]

Thank you for talking to me its right what your saying because over the years his made anxiety and depression worse pluse he makes me worry about Bill’s all the time he has a dont care attitude to paying bill and I’ve had to keep telling him to pay them the only bill that is worrying me now is
The rent his not paying this property his geting
Us in to det this gives me tummy ake everyday (detail removed by moderator) his not stuck to the payments saying they would take us to court and throw us out his not careing about me or my children when his doing this any father who love his wife and children would be supportive but it’s a constant worry on my mind and makes me feel sick with
Worry. I agree with you once he is abusive he will never stop being like this his been like this for (detail removed by moderator) his not changed his got worse over time and he thinks its okay to use his mom and dad death as an excuse for his behaviour. I’ve advised him to get some surport he said that’s making him feel worse for me to say that to him I am trying to help him I dont understand how this is makeing him feel worse ? .this is really hard to think what I should do I feel my mind is a mix up talking to is giveing me some comfort thank you so much

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