It's so hard but we must look forward somehow

[anotherlife]

I hate my current situation. Still with my husband, tried to get him out a while ago but the biggest apology ever made me give in, when I thought I was strong enough. The disappointment 🙁 I hate it. He was v nice for a week and better with the children. Then the sarcasm started, the digs, sulking, and I know most of it is because he’s not getting his way physically as I don’t want him near me and he thought I’d be over that in a week! So he’s being either extra nice to one child / hard on the other, or nice to both, but sarcastic with me. So now we are at the stage of hardly speaking but he’ll say that’s my fault for not talking to him, it’s actually because it’s pointless as it’s like a brick wall of stubbornness and sulking. He’s playing the kids against me. There are loads of other things but I won’t put them on here, I worry someone may realise it’s me one day.
But I’m trying to remind myself to hold my head up, as I’m so downtrodden and always looking at the ground. So look up, look forward no matter how scary it is, don’t let him take every part of me, remember I am worth more than this (it’s hard for us all to believe isn’t it, but it’s true), tell myself to remember words and a few quotes that help bring my mind back to now.
One word is clearing – to clear things I no longer want and can remove without him noticing, also clearing clutter, but think of it also as removing emotional clutter. This resonates with me –
It’s about clearing the you that you think is you, so that you can fully access and realise the you that was there all along.
Think about this one, as we weren’t like this year’s ago, we had personalities and knew ourselves better than this. I’m so lost under the emotional abuse and the constant worry and fear that I forget to just try to keep my head above water.
Consider thoughts as passing clouds that block your sunlight, but will pass if you let them go.
Sorry for the long and probably boring post, but I just wanted to put those quotes on here, they somehow help me a little. It’s unbearable here, I feel so trapped, but must keep looking forward.
Peace and strength ladies 💗

[freedomtochoose]

thank you so much for posting this, such wise words. You will make it. Keep posting
ftc
x

[Anonymous]

Good morning, you will gain strength I’m sure in time. It’s inevitable that your situation will change. Just hold that hope, because when there’s hope there’s courage. You will be out of this one day look at this as a phase in your life all be it a bad one. You’ll get there keep talking xx hugs

[Iwantmeback]

Hi another life, im so in such a similar situation just now. My OH is actually clearing his clutter away and expecting me to be his skivvy as usual. I’m trying not to Humph n haw but its hard. The lifting is also causing a massive flareup with chronic pain issues. Its taken me hours to get up today, the good thing is i dont feel so despondent. Hes again blamed me for his outbursts, if i hadn’t done this he wouldnt have shouted, etc etc etc. Ad infinitum cos it really is never ending. Hes opened up a bit more about his childhood, but even though its sad and i would like to hold him and say we’re nothing like his family, we are. He also saying things like how like his ex iam. She did that, youre just like her. To me that says, one thing, hes made the situations unbearable and as previously strong women we retaliate, verbally or at times physically too. But our physical is a 0th of the power he uses.
Its funny, he always says if i hadnt hurt him!! He’d not have retaliated,yet the why is usually because he’s hit out first, which he chooses to not remember. Oh to be as perfect as he is.
And another thing, you’re post isnt too long, neither boring. 💕

[Iwantmeback]

I actually meant to reply that ive been decluttering also, but got sidetracked a bit. Its stuff that’s been packed away and wont probably ever use our want anyway, plus its less to take.
I think Christmas this year is going to be the hardest, i want it to be the last, i dont want it to be our last.
The thought of being on benefits scares me, as i am unable to work, i think it may be the reason i don’t/won’t leave.
I have a WA appointment soon, so hopefully they can remove the fear. Im scared they wont believe me, cos even now i find im still trying to trivialize, or i cant think of anything hes said recently to justify me being there.
Feeling something isnt right is so hard to put into words. Its easy on here, were anonymous, but face to face is something else🤔

[anotherlife]

Hi ladies. Thanks so much for your replies. It’s so good that we have each other. It’s so hard, I have health issues too so am finding it so hard to get a job, as I’m not bad enough not to work but the several issues cause constant pain and I feel scared of the future, but so desperately want it to end. Then when I think again that it might, I completely panic. I’m ready in many ways but have no idea how to support us as he’s been so controlling for so long, he holds all the cards & controls the bills etc. I don’t know where to start.
I’m panicking over telling the kids of we separate but kids deserve peace at home and can be resilient so they will manage, like so many families before them.
We’re all in similar situations & they’ll always blame us, no matter how hard we try. It’ll never change. I don’t know if we’ll get to Christmas or have another one, I don’t want to and I don’t want to write cards with all our names on, it seems so false.
Why is it so scary when I know I want him to leave? A year of uncertainty while the house is split, while he fights to get most of it, while he gets a new girlfriend, while he tries to make my life hell, while he plays the kids against me, while he blames me and tells people it’s my fault, while I stress and worry and feel pain but all he feels is anger?
I need to get out, I’ve got to. I can’t see any positive to staying together and I must look forward.
That was meant to be a thank you to you ladies but I got carried away again! Keep going, please, we all have to, we need to find a way. I wish we were all together, strength in numbers, I must try to imagine that you are with me when it’s really tough x

[Iwantmeback]

Its funny how we start saying one thing and it goes off on another tangent.
I get ehere you’re coming from with vhristmas cards and putting everyones names. Could you change it to from all of us instead?
I feel myself freaking at everything. We too own our house have just had some improvements done, so more debt. One minute im good the next ive a s..t headache feel sick and want to just curl up and die. If only hed stop manipulating/shouting (fill in blanks)but its not snout current situation, irs also about everything b thats been said and done to you. Once we make that conscious decision to end the relationship, its all we can think of. I totally salute EVERY single woman who has escaped, sometimes i see me away from him, sometimes i see myself looking at stuff for my new place, then i start worrying how i will manage esp with all this furore around Universal credit and how many people are being financially abused by the government too. I too wont be able to work due to health issues, whod employ someone who needs to lie down often throughout the day, because standing/sitting fir too long isnt an option. I need financial advice, thats the ONLY way to sort that wee monkey on my shoulder. More info, better armed. It’s the going behind his back i find so distasteful.
Keepbposting sweetheart, we are here fir each ither. Some of us have been in this for many many years, some not so long..Doesn’t matter, we know them so well
IWMB 💕💕

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