11th October 2021 at 9:09 pm #132389iliketeaParticipant
Suddenly its all too much. This is the first time Ive felt like Ive reached my limit (detail removed by moderator). I think my solicitor has messed up as she’s suddenly telling me to pay him off, to get rid of him, even though hes been trying to blackmail me, she says (detail removed by moderator). I don’t have any money left anyway because of him as it is. I have no pension, no family, no real friends, no job, I’m old and my kids have started saying they want to live with him. I’m just so close to throwing in the towel. Let him have the house, let him have them, I just want it all to end. Even my f*****g cat is messed up because of him. Just cant take it any more. I cant do this with him never stopping. How does anyone do it when they have children and are still being abused by their ex? How can it ever work? How can you live when they’re still trying to get revenge? Won’t just leave you alone?
11th October 2021 at 9:53 pm #132391nbumblebeeParticipant
I have no advise i am hoping one of the cleverer members on here will be able to help you.
I wanted to juat reach out as you sound so low.
You give so much love and advice on here you hold so many of us up iys no wonder that now you need that yourself. I think may e you should contact WA they may be able to help you with legal help and i also think you may need to talk to someone maybe gp or a counsellor its time to look after yourself. Its so easy for me to say i know that but you have come so far, look at how much you have achieved how hard you have fought to get to where you are now, dont stop as hard as it is there is an ending in sight and you have just gotta push that bit more, find a bit more strength within to help you get through this next hurdle. God i wish i could help you with better advice but know that I and i am sure everyone else on here are right behind you holding you up willing you on. Sending you much love xxxxx
11th October 2021 at 10:14 pm #132393LivinginhopeParticipant
Hi, sorry you are feeling at rock bottom. I have been there a few times including fairly recently. I suppose what’s helped me get back up and keep going has been support in some form from Women’s Aid or counselling with someone who understood the sort of person I was dealing with. Also listening to lots of podcasts and reading relevant books/articles. You are certainly not alone in feeling this way and wanting to just give up. We are all here for you. Things won’t always feel this bad or hopeless but for now be kind to yourself and do whatever you can to take care of yourself to help you get through this period of despair. You’re so valued here, please don’t give up.
11th October 2021 at 10:32 pm #132395EggshellsParticipant
Hi my lovely,
It sounds like you need to get some help. You’ve been pushed to your limit.
I’m not sure what the legal perspective is but I would definitely get a 2nd opinion. Please try calling another solicitor and literally interview them. I changed my solicitor just before we were due to go to court. I phoned and asked very specific questions – how would they deal with this scenario; what advice would they give in that particular situation. This should be free. If they won’t answer your questions, thank them for their time and phone someone else. If you find someone that you feel will do a better job, switch solicitor. You could also try Citizens Advice. They may be able to give you an overview of your situation and your options.
Are you able to talk to your children’s school and ask if they are able to help you to find some counselling for your children? You might also benefit from some counselling yourself if you are not already doing so.
This might be the time to consider meds. If you’re already on them, please see your GP to review your dosage.
I know this is hard but your children need you to fight for them. Wanting to be with their Dad is simply because he is manipulating it that way. If you give up on them now and they go to live with their father, their lives will never be their own – he will manipulate every move they make.
Legally, the starting point is 50% of everything including his pension. Then they look at need. Because you’re not working and you are the primary carer the financial scales should tip in your favour.
Are you accessing all of the benefits that you’re entitled to? Again, Citizens advice can advise you. Please also look into Personal Independence Payments. You GP should be able to vouch that you are not well enough to work at the moment.
If you feel unsafe with yourself, please call 111 and choose option 2. If you can’t get through, please dial 999 to keep yourself safe.
Stay with us on the forum if you can. We’ll do our best to walk you through this. It’s impossible for you to see it at the moment but it won’t always feel like this. It will get better. xx
12th October 2021 at 12:10 am #132396LifebeginsParticipant
Hey iliketea, hang in there 💪. Yet again your experience is mirroring my own. Had a freak out too today with legal stuff. But it’s past. Hoping this will for you but please get support if you feel that it’s not.
I’m representing myself as I’ve long since run out of funds. I’ve been scouring the internet for advice/support and there’s a lot out there so maybe type your particular legal prob in and see what comes up? Not suggesting dumping your solicitor just might be good to see if there is any precedent out there to gauge if the legal advice you’re getting is sound. And definitely ring around some others to get a second opinion.
I’m not being blasé but I just can’t worry about it anymore. The finances, the child contact, the non-mols. I’ve had too many sleepless nights, I just can’t do it. So I’ve resigned myself to I’m going to do my best and whatever happens, happens. Fingers cross we won’t starve and we’ll have a roof of some sort over our heads. It’s been liberating in a way finally coming to this decision. Someone told me you could see 5 different judges and get 5 different rulings. Only you can know whether it’s worth going all the way with your legal issue but try not to let it all consume you.
Re: kids, mine says the same sometimes but I think they know the reality of living with their Dad, day in day out, not him just playing at being ‘SuperDad’ but their Dad having to do the hard graft……well it wouldn’t be much fun. But they torment a little bit with the threat when they don’t get their own way.
You mention he keeps trying to get revenge. Trying is right. He doesn’t get to have revenge. You left. That’s it. Game over. Think of something that illustrates what a ridiculous loser he is and enjoy it. It’s working for me. And I have a lot of examples to choose from as I’m sure have you.
I sound all rational now (believe me I didn’t earlier) but I know the feeling that you’re feeling, when is this ever going to end? But it will. I know this deep down. I can feel we’re on the home stretch. But We’re not just quite there yet. Can’t wait until the day when we are ❤️Xx
Keep strong @iliketea xx
12th October 2021 at 4:38 pm #132415Wants To HelpParticipant
I sent you a PM, please let us know how you are today, let us know you’re still with us x
12th October 2021 at 8:11 pm #132429iliketeaParticipant
Hi, sorry, yes I’m here still, so sorry to cause worry, really really sorry, I really appreciate your support and kind words. I feel pretty low but couldn’t do that to my children. Thank you so much for being here, you’re an amazing group of women. Thank you xx
12th October 2021 at 9:16 pm #132433WeemebreezeParticipant
We’re all here for you, please don’t think you’re alone. So much great advice above and I have nothing to add other than to let you know how much we all value you and are rooting for you. It will get easier. Sending you a hug ❤️
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