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    • #137487
      Strongenough
      Participant

      Just want to share all the thingsI enjoy of finally being free from my abusive relationship. I sometimes feel so weird enjoying these things as before the relationship I took them for granted, here goes:

      * Taking as long as I want at the supermarket
      * Not having to delete call logs or messages from friends or family
      * Visiting my family whenever I want
      * Not having to watch every word I say for fear of saying the wrong thing
      * Being able to show my child affection freely
      *Not having to account for every penny I earn
      * Being able to speak to male colleagues without being accused of having an affair
      *Never going to bed physically shaking or heart racing with anxiety
      * Having choices of what I do with my free time and money
      * Being able to watch TV or have a lie in without being called lazy

      Can anyone else relate to these things? The supermarket one just came to me the other day when I was browsing, I felt so free!

    • #137491
      nbumblebee
      Participant

      I cant even say the name of another male without being accused of having an affair.
      This is a great post makes me think.
      Thank you and well done you x

      • #137499
        Thesoundofrain
        Participant

        I love your post I’m not there yet and even though my list will be different I feel for you and the smile you must feel when you can do all your stuff in a happier place x*x

    • #137492
      Lottieblue
      Participant

      Having a bath at the end of the day, taking as long as I want, and leaving the bubbles in the bottom 🤣

    • #137494
      Weemebreeze
      Participant

      ❤️ this post. All of the above plus eating as much cheese and biscuits as I want! X

    • #137496
      Grey Rock
      Participant

      Yes I relate. Esp the supermarket one. It took me quite a few months to stop rushing like I used to. The one about talking to males, yes! I used to walk along looking at the ground in case a male looked or smiled at me. I can now speak to family and friends without having the call listened to and interrupted at home ( people say it’s nice I don’t only call from the car nowadays). Having to account for money. Yep. And being able to bath in peace (no locks in his house) and being accused of an affair any time I was out of his sight, even if I was at my mum’s or just ten minutes having coffee with a friend he knew after work. All those things I appreciate now. It was like being in prison. And to think I was so worried and felt so guilty when that’s where he ended up for a few months.

      Thank goodness I’m away from all that.

      GR x

    • #137498
      Gerbil
      Participant

      I can totally relate to everything you mention. It is also helping me to look forward..thank you x

    • #137502
      orangefrog
      Participant

      What a great post – thank you! We can so easily over look these positive moments. I particularly related to the comment on going to bed with your heart racing or feeling anxious. I hadn’t even realised I no longer do this. I used to go to bed scared and anxious about what his next move would be. A number of times I would cry myself to sleep. It’s so wonderful to be free!

      It’s the silly little things I remember – I can load the dishwasher how I like; if I can’t find my car keys before I get to the car no one minds; if the baby cries no one gets cross; I go outside in my slippers; sometimes I don’t do the washing up for an hour or two; I don’t clean the sides down as I cook; no one tells me how c**p I am etc etc

      Such a good reminder! Especially after an email from one of his family today. Thank you xx

    • #137504
      wildandfree
      Participant

      I’ll add to that…

      * Buying what I want without having to justify every purchase.
      * Going to bed when I chose.
      * Painting my nails.
      * Wearing what I want.
      * My bedroom now being a ‘safe space’. A place to sleep, and read and do whatever the heck I want with it.
      * Reading what I want, without the any one rolling their eyes and giving their judgements.

      The little things make me smile.

      xx

    • #138543
      Justholdingon
      Participant

      *wearing what I want
      *not being afraid
      *bed being a place of comfort rather than fear
      *knowing I’m actually quite clever (that last one is hard)

      • #138618
        Strongenough
        Participant

        The last one I am certain is on point, yet abusers make us think we are stupid or mad!

    • #138552
      Icandothis
      Participant

      Hi strongenough. Yes I know exactly what you mean for me it were even being able to choose what I wanted to eat at mealtimes without having to text him.at work to see if he agreed… being able to buy my lads things without having to lie to him about how much things cost…speaking freely and openly to my family members.. actually being able to have visitors without him being aggressive in front of them to get rid of them. It were a massive weight lifted when I left my first abusive relationship… at first I got triggered in the supermarket especially when I passed particular items as it reminded me of him…but you really can’t put a price on peace and happiness 🙂 xx

      • #138617
        Strongenough
        Participant

        True story! Your peace and happiness is priceless x

    • #138731
      disorganised
      Participant

      I am so happy for you Strongenough. Thank you for reminding me of how different life can be to what I am going through and that I am not the only one experiencing what you described.

      I spent years genuinely believing that I was too slow at shopping (and cooking, cleaning or any other chore really). I can’t wait to visit my mum with my daughter without needing his permission and without nervously checking my phone the whole time I’m there. I can’t wait for my home to once again become a happy place where I can be myself.

    • #138757
      Strongenough
      Participant

      Hi Disorganised, the checking your phone constantly when you are out is a point I didn’t include. If I was ever having a short visit to family or on a rare occasion out with friends, I had to have my phone on the table so I could see a text coming in and respond right away. It’s so good now to go out and be free to keep my phone in my bag and concentrate on being present with who I am with.

      I wish you all the peace and happiness in your home. And when you can freely visit your Mum, it’s a great experience you will never take for granted again. X

    • #139085
      Golden rose
      Participant

      Congratulations ❤️

      Hoping to have a list like this myself soon. Mainly not waking up with a feeling of dread, and not constantly wracking my brain if I’ve forgotten/messed up anything I’m supposed to do for fear of being punished for it.

      Power and love to you!

    • #139086
      liftingthefog
      Participant

      Absolutely relate to this.
      The Freedom Programme which I suggest everyone does was a real eye opener for me.
      I did and still do their on line version. It really helped me recognise all the small behaviours I had been just taking as what had become my life norm, I was so busy trying to field other horrendous ones I wasn’t aware of the insidious abuse.
      However at the end they ask you to list all the things you will be able to do and enjoy when they are gone ….. I ran out of space on their page the list was so long. It was as though someone had turned a light bulb on, I had become so used to avoiding anything that would upset him or put him into his sulks that I had virtually stopped living at all.
      😕xx

    • #139532
      Stressy Me
      Participant

      Strongenough your post is inspiring. These are the things I want. It sounds to an outsider like they are little things but to me these things are huge. Good for you xx

    • #139601
      Strongenough
      Participant

      Stressy Me, I hope you can get to your free place where you can enjoy all your “little things”. ❤ I know what you mean others see a simple family visit or an untimed supermarket trip as a normal everyday event, but when you are in the grips of an abuser they are luxuries you can only dream of! Keep your dream alive 🌈🌻

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