This topic contains 4 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  Overcome 8 months ago.

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  • #96992
     Overcome 
    Participant

    Hi Ladies,

    For those that don’t know a split with my abuser a while ago but still live in the family home. I guess now that is not really leaving him is it.

    Anyway, things got really heated yesterday when he asked me to do something for him that I didn’t want to do. He made me feel bad for it by saying you don’t contribute at all i’m just asking for a little help. I don’t need to go into details but we all know that this kind of thing happens all the time and is a complete twist of the reality. Anyway I stuck up for myself and told him that it’s not my job to do all his admin that he doesn’t want to do. Things escalated quickly to the point where he was banging things, throwing things, slamming doors and shouting at me. My children were there and they were screaming for us to stop. He got right up in my face (detail removed by moderator). I got my phone out to do the same and he immediately calmed down. He told me (detail removed) and all sorts of attempts to get me on the defensive. I just kept telling him to go upstairs to calm down and we would talk after, and that I am putting an end to this now. It took a long time for him to finally stop shouting and he slammed hs way upstairs, throwing my things about as he went.

    After this he would not speak to me at all, I asked if we could discuss the children as he was going to be working away again but he has given me silent treatment. He made the children so upset that one of them was having a real breakdown and was petrified of dying. I knew that moment I need to protect them and get them away from this abuse.

    (detail removed by moderator)

    I have contacted WA and CAB this morning, my family have told me I now need to act as I am allowing the children to be damaged if I don’t do anything.

    I am petrified of making everything official and didn’t want to get social services involved. He has told me so often that I am an unfit mother with an alcohol and debt problem that I will never get my kids. And because I have shouted back at him I am worried that will go against me.

    Please help, I really don’t know how to go forward.

    With love,

    Overcome x

  • #96993
     [email protected] 
    Participant

    We all feel scared to act but theses worries are because we’re used to being punished by him. Just like above scaring u and the kids being /intimidating ignoring u and leaving u in financial difficulty xx punishment. So I’m looking at this from the side lines. He is being abusive and this is affecting the kids emotionally. Your first stop is the GP with the kids they need to go in and tell their account of what’s happening and the effects he’s having on them. You have lots of stuff to sort ie the house – get ur ducks in a row if your prepared for a custody battle being prepared with take away a lot of anxiety xx one foot forward the rest will follow. If he try’s to say ur an alcoholic get the gp to show in writing there has never been a problem the dr can tell by your bloods anyway like high bilirubin or high ALT xx it can be proven as on the other hand your ex cannot prove this not like a doctor can xx

  • #96994
     Hetty 
    Participant

    Can you change the locks? You need some interim measure to keep yourself snd the children safe. Try not to worry about his empty threats. They’ll amount to nothing. My husband threatens me with social services all the time. I work in a related field. He wouldn’t dare. Just words to hurt me and chances are he’s calling your bluff too.
    You are being abused. How the hell are you not supposed to shout?! These men have us at our wits end!
    Xx

  • #96995
     [email protected] 
    Participant

    Well said xx 😘 totally agree all hot air with this type of man xx

  • #96997
     Overcome 
    Participant

    Thanks for the replies ladies.

    diymum – When I ask the kids to talk to grown ups about it it’s like it’s their father speaking. I asked them to talk about a previous situation where things got smashed and they couldn’t remember it, only that dad was angry with me because I spent all the kids money on going out with my friends. My sister has said to go and speak to the school, and that they have good links to help. He used to be heavily involved with the school so I also worry that i won’t be taken seriously.

    Hetty – I can’t change the locks – the house is all in his name, I am not in the title deeds so cannot kick him out. I am prepared to move out and stay with family until I get somewhere of my own anyway.

    I really am terrified of making that first official step. I didn’t want it to come to this but I feel like I have no choice.

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