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    • #125090
      gettingtired
      Participant

      I’m exhausted and just can’t think straight.
      He has been nice and normal all day today despite major b**w up (detail removed by Moderator). So it’s groundhog Day again and I’m feeling guilty and like I don’t want to ever be without him. 😰

      I feel ill, (detail removed by Moderator). I just wish it could all be ok and he could console me and not be abusive.
      I just can’t think straight. I’ve no idea what to do 😭😭

    • #125092
      Bettertimesahead
      Participant

      I haven’t been on much but it sounds as if you have a plan in place for getting out. I know how daunting and scary it is , I get the guilt , but you have made that plan for a reason. Don’t look too far ahead, just focus on one step at a time. You deserve to not have the big b**w ups, that’s not love. Take care of you and keep safe x

    • #125099
      gettingtired
      Participant

      I don’t think I can do it 😰 I’m just not strong enough. I feel so awful going behind his back and being deceitful. I wish I had never told anyone now as my family are going to want me to explain everything and will get frustrated if I won’t talk.
      I keep thinking maybe I just stay and wait until the next b**w up then just call them to come and move me out. He will be there but at least I wont have to feel awful for doing it behind his back then.

    • #125118
      Living Warrior
      Participant

      You can do this! look at how far you have come.
      you really are stronger than you think you are.
      I know things seem daunting and scary, but things will get better.
      Maybe not straight away, (Rome wasnt built in a day, so they say)
      but soon, in the next few days, weeks and months. It will get easier with every passing day!

      We are all behind you, like your ARMY OF WARRIORS, ready to pick you up whenever you need it,
      keep safe, stay strong, YOU HAVE GOT THIS! we all believe in you.
      Our knowledge is your power 🙂
      you are not going behind his back nor being deceitful.
      These men do this on purpose, they know we are compassionate women and they pray on our need to help people.
      That is why the emotional abuse comes in, they use our caring side against us.

      If these men cared about us we wouldnt be leaving them. Just focus on the reasons you are leaving. keep a diary of some sort so you can look at it and “know” why u left… these people try to make the better times “more” and bad times “less” than we remember, dont let him do that.

      good luck hunni
      stay strong! you can do this!
      we got you x*x

    • #125242
      Hazydayz
      Participant

      I Was almost out of this, but was afraid of being on my own with no support, so because of that and feeling sorry for him too, I let him come back. He isn’t really a support to me, never was! Now it’s worse. I’ve felt too ashamed to write this, or tell my story here, so this is some of it, but first I want to say…refuge is not an option for me. Now as I struggle to get him out finally, I’m met with the reality of what he really is again! because, He’s now blackmailing me, demanding a large sum of money from me, if I try and get him removed by the police again? if he is made to leave? He knows I have just received a substantial cheque from (detail removed by Moderator) after returning my car in good condition. I have problems with my mobility, I have my new car but I will need to buy a scooter too, as walking is becoming more difficult. This money was supposed to go towards getting myself sorted. I’m so regretful! I took this man in years ago because of feeling sorry for him, because of the life he had, I now have a worse one! I’ve lost everything and everyone I held dear to me and I’m £(detail removed by Moderator) in debt! because of his desire to have! He stated (detail removed by Moderator) months after marrying me, Everything is half mine now! When I told him to get out, he refused and he then said if I told the police (as I was calling them) (but I put the phone down) because he threatened to have my daughter’s killed, if he was put back in prison (long story!) (I didn’t know about until too late!) because of my calling the police. Fearing the threat obviously, I put down the phone, thats almost, (detail removed by Moderator) ago now, sadly. I really didn’t know anything about his past until we were married, can you believe? but it’s true! I met a stranger, thought I knew him? and married him within (detail removed by Moderator) months, yes I know! Stupid! Beyond stupid!! But I see now, I was vulnerable at the time, for reasons I won’t go into now, except to say, I had reached rock bottom, I thought then??? I had just lost my mum, my daughter was a heroine addict, I was caring for her child, I lost her because of marrying him! My (detail removed by Moderator) year old grandson vanished from my life with his dad, once he got legal custody, away from my daughter (detail removed by Moderator). I had cared for him since his birth, his dad moved house while I was on holiday and I didn’t have contact with my grandson again. After going to pick him up the day I got back, we found no-one answering the door, the curtains down, rooms seen bare through the windows, and this on (detail removed by Moderator)! The (detail removed by Moderator) planned for the two of them to enjoy, ruined! all this planned, by this horrible bloke, (knowing he had a week (detail removed by Moderator) to do this) and because he moved (detail removed by Moderator) miles away and changed his phone number, he broke my granddaughter’s and my heart’s. My court contact order meant nothing I was advised after much trying to sort. He had a hate for women, it stemmed from his mother leaving him as a child , I realised this but he got away with all this! This monster, he got with my daughter when she was (detail removed by Moderator) he was (detail removed by Moderator) years older I didn’t know? and she went off the rails with him. He caused my daughters life to become what it was, he secretly got her on heroine when they met, told her he wanted a baby. So I’ve struggled through all alone, and then I met someone, someone nice I thought! Someone wanting to marry me? Which meant… I was worthy of love? (Cptsd issues, unidentified then). I wasn’t an idiot back then, I thought? but, I was struggling, back then too! So I ruined my life! And my family’s! What sympathy do I deserve? Stupid old woman I was and am now, wanting support, telling this. Though, maybe? it will help someone feel better about their life? I may help someone else? If I’m not thought rediculous or pathetic?

      • #125289
        gettingtired
        Participant

        Hello Hazydayz, I can see you made your own post with your comment so I will reply to it properly later. I just wanted to say though that you’re in no way ridiculous or pathetic. None of us here are, although I am guilty of speaking about myself in that way (especially when I failed to leave!). Chat later x*x

      • #125297
        Hazydayz
        Participant

        Thankyou gettingtired for a reply, ok speak later, hope your ok? and yes, I did add it to latest topics. I did mean to, but was reading your post and my reply went the way it did, got sent to you instead. I aimed to empathize with you but needed to post and off load the truth, about what my life’s been too. I got carried away after reading how difficult it is for you right now, making the break. I’ve been there then gone back, so please don’t call yourself a failure, Like you said, none of us here are pathetic, nor can we be said to be failures. Some of us, we just keep struggling on don’t we, regardless of how difficult it all is. I’m thinking of you. Hazydayz x

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