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I have been nothing but amicable, thoughtful and understanding.
I’ve proposed a figure re our financial position and it is nothing but fair, in fact I could probably suggest more.
So I apparently haven’t worked it out very clearly (he tried to make out my way was confusing and then did it the very same way!) And there’s no logic to what I’ve proposed. So I’m prepared to do it his way but he wants me to do all the talking and work it out the way he wants, but he can’t explain what he thinks or come up.with his own proposal..and shock, he has turned it on me, put me down and called me names.
To think I was feeling sad and thought he was too but he just can’t help but be mean.
I know this just adds to my strength but my gosh i feel so anxious and sick 😢 xx -
Please understand he’s not ever going to be fair. His purpose is to use these circumstances to continue his abuse. Even if he agrees to something he will just change his mind. I would advise you cut him out the loop. Get legal advice, find out what you’re legally entitled to and stick to it. There is absolutely no reasoning with these men. In fact my ex became worse once we separated. It was dreadful and he showed his true colours. Total lack of moral compass, fairness, empathy, sympathy. And made himself out to be the victim x
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Have to agree, my ex went from bad to worse after the split; there is no reasoning, despite my best efforts and foolishly thinking we are two adults and both parents to the same child – wish I’d just cut him out and gone down the legal route straight away, would have saved myself years of stress, distress, angst and turmoil x
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It’s unreal how they can change from one tactic to another like opening a different cupboard door. @HvH, it’s literally like Looking through glass once our eyes are open to how they really behave. It’s utterly ridiculous and so so funny but you daren’t laugh.
Just journal how he’s behaved so you don’t doubt he’s behaving in this manner.
I cant wait to be free, so I’m not constantly looking out of my window in trepidation of him coming home. There have been periods in my life where I’ve felt anxious but I’m coming to recognise it’s more nervousness than true clinical anxiety I have, which under the circumstances is only to be expected.
I keep repeating, he has no idea how strong I am. I was actually talking to myself earlier as if I was writing to give someone some advice. It worked, I contacted WA and my solicitor. That door is opening up slow but surely.
I agree with the other ladies, won’t matter how accommodating you are he’ll do anything to confuse and derail you. I’m trying not to think too much on what I’m doing, just doing it. If i think about it i might weaken and I’m not doing that, not after the past few days I’ve had. His words and behaviour have been despicable and unforgivable, absolutely unforgivable 😡 he’s wanting me to comfort him, he’s feeling suicidal, well he can do one!!! Funny thing is I’m not really angry, I’m annoyed and I’m also accepting that it’s really over, I guess I’ll have doubts and wobbles until I actually leave, but I will do it. I’m stronger than he knows
IWMB 💕💕 -
It is so interesting reading all of these posts and that this is actually I type of person and how my ‘partner’ is acting and behaving is typical. Oh my god he has changed so much. He used to do anything for me and listen to everything I was saying and now he cuts me off, is sharp and just makes my stomach churn with his abrasive attitude. It really does feel like he is on the edge and I absolutely agree IWMB that it is laughable because I can see right through him now and all the games and the lies and the mistreatment. I am still with him but I know that I don’t want to spend the rest of my life with a man like that.
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Sounds exactly like my soon to be ex husband .. playing along with me one minute then, even now, when he knows it is absolutely over and no going back, he will pull the rug from under me …changed his mind on financial settlement night before see the solicitor, or being super nice and supportive whilst I am going through two most difficult events with family members /bereavement this month but then switching to being argumentative and nasty out of the blue to suicidal etc etc ..
. It’s horrible but yes they will never give up/changr.. No matter what else is going on in our lives .. I could be on my death bed and it would be “what about me???” -
Sorry for the delay ladies. Thank you for your responses and I hope you are doing ok.
Things have calmed down a lot and we seem to be on the same page and being very adult about everything. I hope it lasts but in some ways it makes it harder because when he is nice everything seems perfect and I have to remind myself that is part of the cycle.
I’m starting therapy with a therapist who has been through DV herself and I can not wait to start resetting my mind and learning a new normal.
Love to all xx -
Sorry but the ‘adult’ behaviour is just a phase. I went through the same. Believing his lies while behind my back he was emptying the bank account. Be careful he’s just stalling to get the upper hand. When it comes to signing on the dotted line, I wouldn’t guarantee anything. Look after yourself, protect yourself and your finances and your legal position. Get a separation date quickly as any debt run up before the separation date is half yours. That’s if you’re married. Stay safe x
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