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I’ve chucked him out (date removed by moderator) I told him in no uncertain terms that it is over and I do not want the relationship anymore.
He has not accepted it lying down cue the text msgs etc and the tactics I feel stronger this time I’ve come to realise that this will be my life for twenty years or more and I refuse to be that downtrodden woman my mother was it’s taken all my strength today every ounce of it. It’s not over I know that as much as I want it to be.
I’m done with this life now he played a very nasty trick on me as a punishment as I went out on a work meal so he had to punish me in some way I didn’t realise at first but I did afterwards it’s because I went out.
That’s how it is it’s a game to them and we will always lose I know I’ve lost but now I’m winning and he won’t be able to mentally abuse me anymore. -
I know it’s not over it’s not done he will come back he’s twisting all my words to make me sound like I’m mad but I’m not mad I’m more sane than I’ve ever been. I’ve forgiven so much and this one thing he did today which isn’t even a fraction of other nasty stuff he’s done to me has pushed me over the edge I can’t explain it but it has.
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He did you a favour by doing this thing, we all have a breaking point. You’ve reached yours. Don’t engage with him. Change your locks and phone number. Stay strong. You know his next move so be prepared to involve the police. It might sound extreme but these men don’t listen to what we want. Well done x
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Kepp going RC, ‘done and gone’, keep telling yourself this. Punishments, yes I have had a fair few of those myself – you are absolutely spot on here and can see him and this for what it was – which of course they never admitt! Part of the messing with your head routine, with not a single thought for how this impacts on you and your head. Stay strong, you know your truth, stand in it now – and always x
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The messages have started how it’s me I’m controlling I’m toxic and it’s not healthy the way I am it is so funny that he projects all that he is back onto me. He’s a cruel person I’ve tomd him this you are a nasty cruel person and the true colours always come out in the end no matter how much you try to be nice to me you just can’t make it last.
He always plays games silly games I get caught in the trap of it without realising this is his plan and I reacted how he wanted too. He went out and I thought that’s a game and it’s never going to stop unless I stop it.
His stuff is bagged he hasn’t come to get it yet. -
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Hi Rainbowcloud,
I just wanted to show you some support and to say that it might be a good idea to phone the helpline to talk about your situation so that they can give you some safety planning advice. It is possible that once he realises that you want to end the relationship that he becomes more aggressive and controlling so please try not to see him if that is possible. The advice to leave his belongings at a third party is a good one. Or ask him to arrange for someone else to pick them up for him. The helpline can help talk to you about your individual situation.
We are all here for you. Keep posting to let us know how you are.
Best wishes,
Lisa
Forum Moderator -
Rainbow Cloud, darling, you’ve already made up your mind and told him it’s over.
A relationship is over when one person decides it is; it doesn’t need both of you. You don’t have to explain, defend, prove or justify anything. You don’t need his permission, approval or agreement to end it. It’s your choice, just as he could have chosen to leave you if we wanted to.
Right now he’s acting as if he owns you like a possession and you’ve been stolen from him. It’s how abusers think. But he’d forgotten or never realised that you’re a person with agency and autonomy. He will try all sorts of tricks to get you back because he enjoys playing those control games with you so much, but you don’t have to listen. You don’t have to engage with or hear from him. He will inevitably try to wear you down with his why, but you don’t owe him any more of your time and attention.
You’ve made a decision that he just has to accept because it’s yours alone to make. End of story.
If you try to explain and justify or find closure, it will never end.
No contact is your best friend here. And that includes picking up his stuff. My suggestion is to get it all out in one go, ideally leaving it with a contact so he has no excuse to come anywhere near you. One final text to tell him where his stuff is and block him, ignoring calls from unknown numbers which could be him on someone else’s phone.
Let him fizz around and wear himself out but save your energy!
Beware of mutual friends telling you how he’s suffering, suicidal, broken-hearted etc etc. You may find you need to block a few other people, too.
Good luck!
Flower x
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He came to the house he was crying saying will you stop this will you stop being horrible to me and why are you doing this to me we love each other Dont etc
I said I did love you but it’s gone now and you need to accept it he won’t accept it he never will.
He was twisting it and blaming me for what had happened he said I play games I don’t play games he was trying through the kids offering them stuff to take them out this and that. Stuff he never does usually in the end to calm him down I said we will talk in a few days and I need time to think.
I don’t I’m just to scared to say no to him I’m so caught in the trap of it.
Maybe leaving my own home is the only way that’s what I’m thinking because I can’t cope with this I can’t -
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He will leave the house but it’s very very hard to get him out he won’t go if I’m there I have to basically tell him while he’s out that he isn’t coming back but he won’t accept it. He hounds me till letting him back is easier than going through with it. People think it’s easy it’s not easy when he’s sitting outside the house and the police won’t come for two hours and he’s crying and asking why I’m doing this.
Hes very clever he will drive past the house not a crime but he knows what he doing.
I will have to think of another way because this way won’t work the police cake and they take a statement and said they will talk to him what’s that going to achieve he won’t listen. -
Feel trapped he will never let me go I see everyone having this life I wish I could have I’m still young enough but I can’t have because he holds me back he puts me down he makes life so miserable if I go out after it’s not worth it. I’ve spent these years trying to please him and for what it’s the same cycle over and over he’s being nice now crying etc he isn’t crying when he’s making me cry and lockimg me in cars and hotel rooms hate this life
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Hi Rainbowcloud,
Please phone the helpline, they can help to talk to you about your options. If he is doing this then the Police are the correct agency to call. I know it can be frustrating (and potentially dangerous) waiting for them to call so is there somewhere else you can go to in the early days? Or can you have a friend come and be with you? The National Centre for Domestic abuse can help you too, they might be able to issue you with an injunction too that means he is not allowed to come near you – http://www.ncdv.org.uk. Could you consider going to a refuge and moving somewhere where he doesn’t know you are? The helpline can offer you lots of advice and support so please give them a ring and let us know how you get on.
We are all here for you so please keep posting.
Best wishes,
Lisa
Forum Moderator -
I think a non molestation order would be a good idea with a power of arrest attached. That way if you ring the police or someone else rings on your behalf they can arrest him for breaking this order. It also shows him you mean business. His crying is just another form of manipulation. Oscar winning performances. My ex did exactly the same. Then walked away smirking. Swore on his daughters life. They are despicable liars. Ignore what he says or promises. Only look at his actions which are dreadful. He’s destroying your health and he doesn’t care. You have the right to decide who is allowed in your life and he gets his way every time by bullying threatening blackmailing crying and having a tantrum like a giant toddler only far more dangerous. Put yourself first x
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once they realise you mean business it does make them back off but you need professional help to do this. my ex sat outside my door all night sometimes and i had work the next day. i couldnt open the door and go and had to keep calling in sick. it was all for effect to cause caos i look back now and i ask why? a normal person would leave amicably xx youll get through this with the police and the courts plus wa on your side xx much love diymum
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