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After several years of wanting to leave I’ve finally done it! Anyone who thinks they’ll be stuck forever please know that I thought that for a long time but eventually things started to shift and I slowly started to feel like I could do it. Reading and posting here made a huge difference so thank you to all of you!
Another hugely helpful thing is reading about what they do when you leave. I expected him to totally kick off but I’m actually being bombarded by promises of things changing and treating me well and working together…. I’m so thankful for the wise words I’ve read here. I know it’s all talk. I feel a bit sorry for him but I know I’m doing what’s best for me and my kids. Xxxx
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The first day of the rest of your life. Well done. Next step is to work on zero contact. Use a third party for all contact. When he realises he can’t change your mind, his abuse is going to escalate so make sure you’re protected. Lean on women’s aid and remember this is the most dangerous time for women. Get something legal in place making your the resident carer. At the moment he has the same rights as you to keep the children and not return them and I’ve read it too many times on here and the pain that causes. He’s going to use the kids against you too so empower them to recognise abuse and stand up to it. You’re setting a great example for them x remember the rollercoaster, good days and bad days but the bad days get less and less so just keep going taking baby steps and keep posting for support x power to you x
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Thanks so much for your comments and all your invaluable words of wisdom and advice! If anyone reading this is an any doubt about no contact, I can see even more clearly now how important it is. I thought before I left I would be able to do mediation with him because his abuse isn’t subtle and the mediator would stop the session if there was any overt abuse. But now that I don’t have to speak to him, I just don’t want to put myself through that or risk being sucked back in in any way. I know I’ve done the right thing and I don’t need him messing with my head.
@KIP. totally agree with you and yes it does feel like the first day of the rest of my life! No more wishing I didn’t have to go home or that sinking feeling when he gets back from work 😃 xxxx -
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Well done!! It took my mum along time aswel. When you move don’t feel guilty about it, you’ve done the right thing. Your life is going to feel so much better and you will become a stronger version of yourself. It’s amazing what happens when someone is removed from your life and the amount of positive things that came come from it.
Keep strong even if he does change his tone – just remember you are doing the right thing and it needs to happen 💕 -
Thank you. I just can’t express how amazing all the women on this forum are and how much strength we can draw from all the support. And how incredible to have an online forum where all the comments are so totally understanding and supportive. It makes a wonderful change from places like Facebook, where even on pages where you would expect people to be supportive there is often a load of comments that aren’t.
I really don’t feel like I’m at risk of wanting to go back and I credit this forum with a huge amount of that. I also know that if I do wobble, the wise words and support here will keep me strong.
Thanks you so much everyone 💕💕💕
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