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I dont feel like i have anything left in me anymore .People call me a survivor but that old me that was there before him is gone she didnt survive whats here now isnt me and to be honest is just a poor substitute that is barely able to concentrate on existing and since leaving my ex partner has found me and is torturing me with funerals wreaths for my birthday (the police noted them as flowers given for birthday ) thats not how i saw it and i cant get away now i have my own place that i dont share with him councils are saying i dont qualify under the homeless act and refuges wont take me as i feel so low ….. im sorry i didnt realise this was supposed to make me happy .Its causing serious health issues now apart from the state of my rapidly failing mental health im sat here waiting to be killed by him and no one cares
i got given an idva worker as was seen as extreme risk i only get the odd text and thats usually to tell me to call the national womens aid number anyway so why did they take my womens aid worker away and replace her with the idva i dont understand ? -
Hi forgottenandlost
Welcome to the forum, i am really sorry to hear what you are going through, it sounds like you need some more support with looking for a suitable refuge which will be able to offer the level of mental health support you need. These kind of refuges do exist and i know it sounds like you have spoken to the National Domestic Violence Helpline before, but if you make it clear that you are finding this a barrier to get into refuge and that you need a refuge with 24hr support the helpline workers can do advanced searches to look for these kind of spaces only.
It is really understandable that you are struggling to simply exist when you are living in fear of being killed by your ex because he has found where you live. You are doing really well to be getting through each day under these conditions.
If you feel up to it, try and call the helpline each morning for refuge spaces, the best time to call is about 10am and leave a voicemail for a callback if you cant get through straight away.
We are here to support you
Take care and keep posting
Lisa
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Hi forgottenandlost, you’re on here my friend, we’ll not forget you💚 keep talking to us, trying to unravel the threads that tied you to him.
I feel you’re in so much pain just now. Have you managed to speak to your own doctor yet too? It’s so easy to hide away, it becomes our way of coping, doesn’t it? But doing that he wins doesn’t he.
Could you put in for a swap with regards council housing. Councils have a duty of care to keep their tenants safe,, could you request a private interview with the head housing officer letting them know what’s happening. Coercive control is an offense, have you journalled his behaviour. Is there anyone who could help with regards the complaint to the police, or could you complain that you felt they trivialized your complaint. Things are changing daily with professionals and how they deal with cases of domestic abuse. Was the police you spoke to from the domestic abuse department or just ordinary pc’s? I’m sorry to just bombard you with questions to what you’ve done, I just wanted to reach out to you, let you know that you’re not alone or forgotten, and that you’re in there somewhere and yes you’re not the same person you were, you never will be, not after something like we go through, it changes you forever doesn’t it?
If you’re feeling so down and there’s no-one on here, you can phone the Samaritans to.
It takes courage to post your story, well done and welcome to the forum
IWMB 💕💕 -
Hi Forgotten. People just do not get it who have not experienced emotional abuse. We have and we get it. You’re still the ‘old ‘ you at heart which is why you hurt so much. Is there somewhere you can go locally? Perhaps a church, I know it’s not popular these days but my faith is sometimes the only think to cling to and none of us walk alone. It’s just difficult to understand why we have to suffer and hurt and it feels we are alone. This website has helped me and the ladies that post, including you, are stars. What about your GP? I guess you’ve been there so I am sorry if the suggestion sounds silly. My heart goes out to you – sending you hugs and courage. X
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my council have said if im no longer safe its not their problem and just move out of their area no help offered to do his
police pepper sprayed me today after i pressed panic alarm 12 hours before (nice response time there ) because i keep a knife attached to me now after the lack of safety they have given when hes turned up before so tonight i handed back the panic alarm and have asked that the police no longer attend if anyone else calls them and resigned myself to the fact he is going o come and im going to die but thats strangely calming
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I have no words that could possibly make this right for you. Has no-one been able to offer any help or advice on how to be safe, surely someone has to be there for you, this is just unbearable in the extreme. Knowing there’s a lady out there alone and terrified, that’s not right.
The woman at our local council offices said they have a duty of care to keep me safe if my situation escalates. I just presumed this would be the case throughout the UK. I wish there was more I could do, give words of comfort or advice.
Please keep safe. Keep posting, I’m sure someone on here will have some way in which to help.
IWMB 💕💕 -
Hi Have you considered getting a really large dog ? I have a Rottweiler I have never felt so safe in my life he adores me and I do him he guards me and protects me 24/7 they are quiet expensive to buy now but there are plenty of them in rescue centres also they are great company quiet hard work though and very strong on the lead also I find having a dog helps if you suffer from depression/mental health problems.I too feel like a different person to the one I was before I met my abuser I guess it takes time to recover.good luck x
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Hi forgottenandlost, just wanted to let you know I was thinking of you and am wishing and hoping you find the help you so desperately need.
IWMB 💕💕 -
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Dearest, dearest Forgotton and LOst,
We have not forgotton you, and we have not lost you.You also have the spirits of every other woman throughout history (and there have been millions) – and every suffragette that ever existed as your dearest sisters.
If you are able to do small things, make a nice cup of coffee, post on here, put the radio on (woman’s hour is at ten o’clock and that is maybe a point in the day…sometimes it is a bit naff, but other times very inspiring).
Go and get a nice magazine…
Whatever it is, lovely that you feel able to do, write it down and pat yourself on the back.
This thing is sometimes all bout small steps…small steps that add up to bigger ones…one foot forward at a time
We are all thinking of
you
all very best
ftc
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