- This topic has 3 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 1 month ago by Stargazing1.
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10th October 2024 at 8:43 pm #171740SeaView21Participant
I have left – after (detail removed by Moderator) years.
A recent ‘incident’ made me realise that I couldn’t do it anymore – I couldn’t live life that way. I want more. I want freedom – I want choice – I want to feel safe – I want to feel loved.
But as I sit here tonight – on my own – all I can think about is the happy moments. The moments he made me feel loved or special (There isn’t that many but enough to replay over and over again in my head)
Honestly – it’s like my heart says go back – give him another chance but my head says keep running and don’t look back.
Why is it so confusing? I thought once I left – I wouldn’t feel the guilt but I do – I feel guilty for leaving him. I feel like a horrible person. I feel sad that I’m not going to see him again. I miss him.
He is texting me – emailing me – begging me to come back – telling me he’s changing – promising me everything I wanted but it’s just words isn’t it? Nothings going to change!!
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11th October 2024 at 10:28 am #171755RXRXParticipant
I left (detail removed by Moderator) and returned after (detail removed by Moderator) days. I was promised change and everything yours is saying, but the reality of it is that nothing will ever change. If any these more controlling now I’ve gone back even doesn’t let me go anywhere with the little ones… has stopped them seeing my oldest children and family too.
I felt obliged to go back for the family concept, why do you feel you need to go back?
I’ve got chance of a place with refuge but can’t get out at this moment… and im safety planning and getting things together as we speak. Doesn’t help it’s my (detail removed by Moderator) in (detail removed by Moderator) weeks and I feel obliged to stay for it.
all I can say is, that In my very recent circumstances the change never happened. I was living on hope and like you remembering the good times. Please also remember the bad times and stay safe whatever you choose to do.
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11th October 2024 at 10:34 am #171756NopeNopeParticipant
I’m in a similar situation but haven’t left yet, but this is part of the abuse cycle. An incident happens, the abuser apologises, things might even get better for a short while, but it never lasts and it ends up happening again.
You’ve broken the cycle by leaving and you should be really proud of yourself because it’s such a difficult thing to do. Your emotions are normal. Something my therapist told me that has really helped is that putting yourself first doesn’t always feel great, sometimes it feels really bad but that’s only because you’re not used to doing it.
Sending you lots of support ❤️
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12th October 2024 at 9:39 pm #171773Stargazing1Participant
Hello @SeaView21 , well done for having the strength to be as strong as you have been. I can imagine how tough it is being once divorced already ( now in another marriage) . I am sorry to hear how things are for you and how you are feeling. I wish for good days going forward. Please take care of yourself. Think of yourself please. Best wishes. I hope it was ok to post to you . I wish you all the luck in the world.
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