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Hi,
I left a short time ago, and I expected to feel relief! Happyness! Etc. I don’t I feel s**t, confused and lost. We are having some text contact as the house needs sorting out. He doesn’t know where I am, but I just feel devastated even though he was an abuser.
I don’t know when I will start to feel better, if I will start to feel better. It’s all so raw! -
Hi @Purplegrass
You have been through so much and leaving must have been such a huge step.
Give yourself some time.
You may well be trauma bonded to him and you are very likely to be completely exhausted by what you have been through.
Do you have any support?
Even though I know that I did the right thing by ending my relationship with my husband I still feel huge amounts of guilt and anxiety.
(And he knows how to play that.)
I have a list on my phone of all the things that he did and when I’m in doubt I read through them to remind myself why I had no choice but to end it. It helps.
Things will get better. You are so strong!
Xx
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I think feeling worse happens, it might not strike immediately, but strike it does, it is a shock when it does.
Do you have some support? From a MH worker, GP, social services, a good friend?
While this feeling surrounds you, try and remember why you left, and writing a list of why you left sounds like a great plan.
Not sure when it will pass, but as you clearly state – it is raw, all wounds are, take time, all things heal, you will be ok.
Stay strong, you got this x*x
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Hi,
In my attempt to heal quicker and move on, I started reading some books on how to heal after domestic abuse. The books explain how and why we feel like we do when we feel rubbish after we’ve left and why we’re drawn to going back. It’s perfectly normal and although it doesn’t feel like it now, you will start to feel better the longer you’re away.
Being in an abusive relationship is very traumatic and finding a way to move forward and shed the anger, confusion, guilt and anxiety is hard…but it will happen. Unfortunately it takes sone time though.
The fact you’re here shows me that you’ve got the strength to do this. You’ve broken free and you will slowly start to build yourself back up. Recovery can take a long time but you can do it. We can all do it. If you’re able to, I would recommend buying a book on the recovery process. It’s been an eye opener for me and although it’s made me a bit angrier at times, it’s helping me understand what I’m going through and also understand my abusers behaviour.
Take care and stay strong. You WILL feel better in time x
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Well done you for leaving. You re doing the right thing. I quite agree with the trauma bond, we feel
Try the freedom program- this helped me identify which ways my abuser was an abuser. There is deep engraved Pyshcological manipulation and I feel guilty sad responsible, etc but I am NOT responsible for his behaviour
They are very clever at what they do, they know how to get us.
Keep on and that bond will sever over time and the things you felt sorry for on their behalf might change xx
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