18th January 2021 at 9:50 am #119974OptimysticParticipant
Morning, well I left on (detail removed by Moderator). My beautiful child was the most amazing, trusting and supportive boy anyone could wish for. I told him if my plans the day before and I saw the change in him immediately. So, he’s thriving already. Doesn’t want me to ever go back with his dad. His dad is crying, sending me begging and pleading messages which hinder my progress. I feel I should listen to him and respond. It kills me he feels so desperate. He’s taken full responsibility for everything, says he feels ashamed, will change etc. But the thing is, I didn’t blame him for anything. I just said I was leaving because I wasn’t happy with the way things were at home. How can he know what he’s done to then change? If he knows why didn’t he change at the time? Anyway, I’m doing ok. I occasionally just burst into tears though? There’s flood down my face every so often for no reason. I’m not even thinking of anything because I feel numb. I also want to thank everyone on this forum. To get from where I was to where I am now is incredible! I’d never have gotten this far without this forum and you 💕
18th January 2021 at 12:57 pm #119977KIP.Participant
Wow. So proud of you. That took guts. It’s such a difficult thing to do and what a wonderful insightful child. Sometime we just cannot see the abuse. His tactics are predictable. if he was going to treat you properly he would never have behaved abusively in the first place. Once an abuser always and abuser. Please block him and delete his number. Change your number too. This is where he will lovebomb and try to break your resolve. Absolutely zero contact is what’s needed now. Women on average return 7 times to an abusive relationship so that’s how strong the pull is. Do not give him the opportunity to reel you back in. All your suppressed emotions will come out now. I wasn’t allowed to cry or be angry so all those emotions had to come out. It’s a real roller coaster to recovery but you can do this. The hardest part is walking out that door so please don’t walk back in.
18th January 2021 at 3:27 pm #119979HettyParticipant
I’m so happy to be reading this. Well done for getting you and your son out.
Be prepared for the begging and pleading. Try not to read messages and if you can block him. You might not feel ready for that though or you may feel you need to keep in contact to get other things sorted out. If you haven’t already, make a list of all the awful things he’s done and read it if doubts creep in. The questions you ask are very valid – why didn’t he change before, how can he say he will change when he never thought he didn’t do anything wrong. There’s a lot of stuff on YouTube which will help you stay strong and if you haven’t read ‘why does he do that?’ Hell do and say anything right now to get you back. He needs you to abuse to keep him feeling ok. I know it’s easy to say but don’t feel sorry for him. He’ll only be feeling sorry for himself despite what he might say. Xx
18th January 2021 at 8:57 pm #119995LisaMain Moderator
This is brilliant to hear, thank you for sharing with us. It must have taken so much courage for you and your son to leave. You will go through a whole range of emotions so give yourself time and lean on the support available.
Keep posting to us when you need to. There will always be support here for you.
18th January 2021 at 9:54 pm #120010EggshellsParticipant
This is fantastic news. Well done for getting out. If you can block him for a while please do. It’s better if you can just focus on yoo and your son for a little while.
If you don’t feel ready to block him please know that he is not sorry. He knew what he was doing all along and he still chose to do it. He’s sorry for himself because you’ve left but that really is as far as his sorrow goes.
Don’t worry about your tears. Just let them flow when you need. You are allowed to have whatever emotion hits you now, you don’t have to be on your guard anymore. xx
18th January 2021 at 11:07 pm #120014MadmamParticipant
Well done that’s amazing!
Please read ‘why does he do that?’ like others have said, I spent a lot of time with my mouth hanging open, it’s like the author was writing about him!
Stay strong and come on here if you’re feeling wobbly.
19th January 2021 at 1:20 am #120016IwantmebackParticipant
Hi there and welcome to the other side. Please if you can and he doesn’t know where you are block him. He will try everything and anything to win you back. Mine even went to counselling, admitted it was his fault, then when he saw that wasn’t working, started verbal abusing me again, accusing me of seeing someone else which then Changed to having an affair with a woman, then to threatening suicide through a third party. Now he’s found where I live and is being super nice. In his head not shouting and name calling is him Changed. Don’t trust anything he says, prepare friends and family that he’ll come to them acting all sorry and how he can’t live without you. He may even start seeing someone to teach you. Change or close your social media.
I didn’t expect mine to act so desperately needy.
You are amazing, you’re teaching your son that this isn’t how men treat women. Keep posting, keep educating yourself. Feeling numb is normal, you have good days and terrible days. The main thing to remember is you did it. That’s the hardest and most terrifying thing to do, the rest is one baby step at a time.
Sending hugs and the knowledge that you’re not alone.
Best wishes IWMB 💞💞
19th January 2021 at 1:04 pm #120035HawthornParticipant
So delighted for you Optimystic! Be so very proud of yourself, it takes so much courage to escape.
Leaving abuse is a bumpy road at times so do reach out for support, you need and deserve it. Be very kind to yourself and cry all you need to, you’ll have swallowed enough tears.
Big hugs xx
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