I’ve left him

[lostonmyown]

I posted on here last week about how I wanted to get out but felt guilty. But I’ve left and I actually can’t believe I have – it’s not quite sunk in yet. (detail removed by moderator) there was more emotional abuse and threats and I decided I’d have enough and I was leaving. Bonus, he doesn’t really work but his friend had asked him to help him with a job so he was out the house so I was able to get most of my stuff to my friends house, where I should be able to stay on a permanent basis.

I had to leave my little dog behind which broke me but after getting all of my stuff out the house, I went back and spend a good half an hour with her. Lots of photos and videos on my phone and lots of fuss. I know she’ll be well looked after because be never once laid a finger on her and she helped him with his mental health so that makes me a feel a little better.

I wasn’t planning on leaving till the end of March so it feels very quick and sudden. I have redirected my post and am going to contact car insurance bank phone company etc of change of address. I left him a letter briefly explaining why I was leaving just because I didn’t want him to think I’d ran off or hurt myself (I struggle with my mental health). I did change my mobile number on the day I left but it didn’t process till today so (detail removed by moderator) he was texting me telling me how he’s sorry for scaring me and the threats (didn’t call it abuse like I did in the letter). He said all he’s wanted to do is help me because I’m so fragile. But I know what is just emotional c**p to try to get me back. Before when I’ve left, that would have worked but not this time. It’s over, it’s finished.

I don’t think I’ve processed it yet that I’ve actually left. I’m still waiting to hear back from MARAC, they should have contacted me within 24 hrs but I think with the corona virus they might have issues with staffing. I have some concerns for safety but it might just be my paranoia. He has no idea where I’m staying. I’ll definitely need some support over the next couple of months so I’m hoping MARAC can signpost me to services.

I’ve left, that is the most important thing and I’m proud to say it. I haven’t gone back. Times are going to be tough for some while. I’ve got a lot of added stress with some of my work being cancelled and no face to face teaching at Uni (detail removed by moderator) but it’s time to focus on me and my needs. (detail removed by moderator) I’ve been able to go to bed when I’ve wanted. I’ve been able to stay at work later than planned without abusive texts. I’ve been able to phone and text who I want. No one is controlling me anymore and that feels great.

I’ve ordered some books which have been recommended on this forum about trying to understand abuse and the abuser. I’ve contacted my local freedom programme team and although they’re not having meetings a at the moment, they’re going to post me a book and workbook for me to complete at home. In my head, I still love him and miss him but that’s the trauma bonding I believe which I’m going to read more about.

I wanted to say thank you to you guys on here. I’ve read lots of posts and seeing so many strong individuals living with abuse and then overcoming it has given me the strength that I can carry on. So thank you. Plan is now work on my needs & mental health, focus on getting my undergraduate degree done, go on to do my masters next year then qualify in a profession which will help children young people and families in difficult situations including domestic abuse. I’m also going to continue saving for my house deposit because I’d love my own house one day. Things are looking up and deep down I am so happy and ready to start the next chapter in my life.

[KIP.]

Well done. Keep posting as this is the time you need support x it’s a rollercoaster ride to recovery but you will get there

[Onlyintime]

Yes!!! Another freedom!! So happy for you! Keep in touch

[KIP.]

I’m happy for me too. Every day I don’t wake up to an abuser is a gift. You will get there too.

[fizzylem]

Great to read and in the nick of time too! You did it, good news. Yes keep posting, we are all here for each other – you can de stress now and saviour the peaceful moments; as KIP says it is a roller coaster of emotions from here, ebbs and flows, so be mindfiul of this, mindful that you are dealing with this now (just for now whatever it is), or it’s a bad day – that this will change tomorrow or soon. Made up for you x

[fizzylem]

So lovely to read how you are noticing the simple freedoms and pleasures this now brings – call WA if you feel you need to discuss safety measures – it may well be you just need to feel you have things firmed up in your mind, which a talk with a specialist would do, or they may mention one or two things you haven’t thought of and this will leave you knowing what you could do – and feel safe. Yes absolutely, your needs come first now and always, there is much value in taking good care of the self for sure, your mental health will start to improve staright away and only strengthen; being with someone also means your needs are always respected, put first and considered too – by him, when we both do this for one another we both feel loved and cared for and can see that no one needs to play second fiddle to the other x

[HopeLifeJoy]

Wow well done, i’m very happy you decided to leave and did it! It’s huge!! And you seem to be well preparing your future, you’ll be alright. When all the dust settles, when all the logistics are done, be extra kind to yourself, then it’s time for a lot of self care to kick in.
Hats down to you! Keep strong

[Author]

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