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    • #137683
      Brokensoul
      Participant

      So after (detail removed by moderator) of being out of work I started applying for jobs again, now my kids are all at school I feel I’m ready the only thing is my partner has never liked the idea of me working, i know how he’s gonna react when he finds out so I’m stressing about it now, there’s been about (detail removed by moderator) Job interviews I just haven’t turned up for out of fear of how he will react and I’ve now been offered another one (detail removed by moderator), I know I’ll kick myself if I don’t go but I also know the aggravation it’s going to cause if I do and then what if I don’t get the job and my relationship is in pieces for nothing, because ultimately that’s what it will come down to he will say he’s leaving and then come the threats of self harm etc. And we have kids together so it’s alot to think about, he doesn’t work and spends all night gaming and all day asleep so I don’t know why Im so conflicted but I lost my identity a long time ago and am very isolated so just the mention of going to (detail removed by moderator) resulted in (detail removed by moderator) being thrown at the wall so god knows what he’ll do if I started working, it’s making me extremely anxious,I just don’t know what to do ..

    • #137727
      Lisa
      Main Moderator

      Hello Brokensoul,

      I just wanted to offer some support as I can hear how conflicting and confusing this situation is feeling for you at the moment. I’m sorry to hear that you’re going through this.

      Unfortunately, stopping someone from working is a common form of coercive control and serves to isolate us. It can also create several layers of dependancy on our partners, including financial dependancy. It can limit our contact with others and create a barrier in terms of the opportunity to meet new people and develop our confidence and professional experience, jeopardising the opportunity to have the career we may have hoped for.

      It’s not acceptable for someone to stop you working. Having a career can be much more than a way of simply making money and you should not be expected to sacrifice this.

      I imagine it feels really hard to challenge this though and very often abusers will create consequences or ‘punish’ us for attempting to go against their rules. So of course, you are best placed to know what is safest for you, it sounds like this has been a long term struggle for you.

      Thank you for sharing this with us.

      Take care and keep posting,
      Lisa

    • #137736
      nbumblebee
      Participant

      Hey I can really relate.
      I have a business with my husband but covid has put a stop to it so i decided i want to go out to work. My kids are all grown too.
      I volunteered throughout covid which he hated but allowed 🙄 then a job there came up i went for it and got it without telling him.
      When i got the job i told him. I wont lie it got worse and it still is bad he does everything he can to stop me from working he is so nasty about it and im not allowed to talk about my day which is hard as my job can be heart breaking at times.
      So is it worth it?
      You bet it is id do it again and again.
      I love my job with all my heart never did i ever think id do this sort of work but i love it.
      It gives me pleasure i can be me i can forget for a while about him and what goes on at home.
      I smile i laugh i feel love from my (detail removed by moderator) and co workers things ive not had in decades.
      I love it.
      Yes i have to go home yes he is worse now than be ever has been but I want this and for the first time ever i stand my ground and i go to work I do one thing for me. I hope with all my heart that this is the start of me getting free I cant see that far ahead i dont dare look i take each day as it comes right now as life is so tough but my job my job gives me so much more than I could ever have imagined.
      I get you must keep yourself safe believe me i know as I do too and he is thretening you with nasty threats mine has said on a number of occasions i will have to choose him or the job I ignore him i make a cuppa i change the subject safely and calmly.
      Above all else stay safe but Go for it go try it hinestly it could be the best thing youve ever done. Stay safe sweetie xxxxxx

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