Viewing 14 reply threads
  • Author
    • #125988

      I have only been on this forum for a few weeks. Learning that I was experiencing abuse came as a huge shock, but in another way it was a relief to finally understand what was happening and that I didn’t have a mental problem or I wasn’t crazy like he kept telling me I was. Knowing what I know now has changed my whole outlook and I will leave him. I am gaining strength and he can see this,but he has no idea how! My secret weapon is this forum! After an awful couple of weeks with him when I think he realised how close to leaving I was (I almost did it but I couldn’t take that final leap) he bought me an enormous bunch of flowers which were accompanied by a note saying how sorry he was and asking for another chance!! The reason for my post is I wanted to thank all the ladies on here for their support and advice because this time, I can see right through him, it’s typical abuser mode and I don’t believe one word! This fact made me realise I have started my journey and I feel pleased with myself. In the past I would have accepted his apology and tried to start again etc – not anymore! So, although in his eyes everything will appear to be wonderful again, for me it will simply be a bit more bearable whilst I continue to build inner strength and concentrate on my escape plan. I am so pleased with myself! 😁

    • #125990

      Thanks for sharing Secretlife! It is so wonderful to hear about the strength this forum has helped you uncover. I am so pleased for you! I love the positive energy coming from your words, it’s really inspiring.

      This forum had a huge impact on helping me leave and just as importantly, not falling for the attempts to hoover me back in. Just as you say, the wisdom from here allowed me to see through his behaviour and it made such a difference.

      If ever you feel yourself slipping backwards, it’s only temporary. Once you uncover that strength and clarity you can’t lose it. You’re on your way to freedom! xxxxx

    • #125995
      Living Warrior

      This post is amazing, it gave me Goosebumps to read it. thank you for sharing.
      I know this “lightbulb” moment myself, and once it has turned on there is no turning back. 🙂
      you find courage in your own courage. the bad days- don’t seem so bad, and the good days are amazing! you feel empowered and have a go-getter attitude that doesn’t seem to end.

      Your perspective is permanently shifted and its like the rose-tinted glasses have not only come off, but have been smashed to the floor. 😀 so good on you!

      every hurdle you face, doesnt seem as big, its just one small bump until the next stage- (even things that seemed huge b4, dont seem so big now)

      You will see a change in yourself and what you are willing to tolerate- in friends and family too 🙂
      the road ahead will be bumpy- but it will be well worth it when you arise the phoenix from the ashes of your old relationship 🙂 a stonger and wiser version of yourself.
      WELL DONE!
      proud of you!

    • #126000

      I just wanted to thank you for posting this, I’m new to this forum, but reading your post it’s like reading where I am currently in my journey. Someone told me recently that even if you don’t feel you are moving forward physically, emotionally you are making big steps forward and that is really good to realise. Thank you again and this forum is amazing, because it helps you to reaffirm that it isn’t you and we really need that. Wishing you all the best with the next stages of your journey.

    • #126041

      Thank you ISOpeace, Living Warrior and Soxy for your responses, I am truly touched by your words and really appreciate what you have all said. ISOpeace and Living Warrier your words are hugely inspirational and certainly help me understand what to expect moving forward. And Soxy, I’m bsure, if you’re not at this stage yet, your ‘lightbulb’ moment will happen and it will surprise you, just like it did me! Sending hugs and love to you all x*x

      • #126078

        Secretlife, your post made me smile. Knowledge is power. Loving the clarity of your awareness and your wisdom in taking time to build energy to leave. Wishing you continued strength and support in the forum. Xx

    • #126045
      Main Moderator

      Hello Secretlife,

      Thank you so much for your encouraging post and sharing your positive experience of the forum!

      It’s so good to hear that the forum has been such a helpful resource for you. It’s amazing what a journey you have been on already, and what a huge effect speaking to others, who have been, or still are in the same position, can have on shifting our perspective.

      I’m sure many other users can relate to what you have shared here, and we are glad that you’re a part of this community.

      Take care and keep posting,

    • #126110

      Thank you Silverbirch for your kind words, knowledge certainly is power! Xx

    • #126116

      Hi beautiful angel… Secretlife,
      Wow, I love your post… I can feel your strength building … well done
      I am glad you have found the forum has helped, keep posting and reading!
      You have lit the flame of your inner strength so now start to let it shine
      You will never go as far back as you were before once you understand what is going on… knowledge is power
      I am so excited for you to empower yourself to get the life that you truly deserve
      Sending you continued love and support
      Darcy xx

    • #126152

      Hi Darcy.

      Thank you for your post. It’s so encouraging to know that I’ll never go as far back again, I do worry about this, I never want to be that low again. I will keep posting and reading, gaining more knowledge and gaining more power and strength! Sending love xx

      • #126155

        You have an awareness now my darling, so when you start to slip backwards you will know the signs and action what you need to in yourself so not to fall back as far as you did before.
        Keep your head up and moving forward… you got this!xx

    • #126684

      I’ve just joined this forum so I’m hoping o can get to this place, by joining I feel it’s a step forwards. So glad your moving forwards and stronger xx

    • #126688

      Hello Gazebo. Welcome to the forum! I really hope you find this forum as supportive and helpful as I do. Keep reading, learning and posting. I’m sending you a welcome hug xx

    • #162916

      Agree- I could not find a place online. It was rough posting and saying things online first of all but now a positive in life.

    • #162999

      I’ve only been on 2 days and I’m so glad I did!! I can’t explain my situation at the moment as I’m trying to figure out what’s actually happening. But this forum is wonderful and so comforting to read others posts ❤️

    • #163064

      Its just Brilliant here . A great place to talk to other people in the same boat . Forever grateful to everyone on the forum. God bless each and every single one of you.

    • #163728

      Hi Secretlife, I’m just one week into my OMG moment when I realised I’m living with an abuser and have been for years. I’m in exactly the same situation – I can’t leave yet but do have an exit plan, it’s just going to take a while to sort out. But I really really want to start building myself up and starting to heal now, build helpful knowledge etc., even though i’m still in the situation, like you are. TBH I’m overwhelmed. What were the main things that helped you start building inner strength as well as not falling for the flowers etc? Where do I start and what did you do? I feel so alone and very depressed.

Viewing 14 reply threads
  • You must be logged in to reply to this topic.

© 2024 Women's Aid Federation of England – Women’s Aid is a company limited by guarantee registered in England No: 3171880.

Women’s Aid is a registered charity in England No. 1054154

Terms & conditionsPrivacy & cookie policySite mapProtect yourself onlineMedia │ JobsAccessibility Guide

Log in with your credentials


Forgot your details?

Create Account

Skip to content