Just a bad day

[LittleBritishPhoenix]

There is something not related to the abuse that’s getting me down today, and my low mood about that is exacerbating the symptoms of my ptsd. So now my brain is reeling off constant traumatic scenarios that could happen – they range from him coming to get me, to being hit by a car whilst out cycling. Feel like I’m just waiting for him to start up again because he’s been quiet so long. I recognise that feeling very well from when he used to stalk me.
I’m not sure if this is too much info but there have been overnight entries on my cctv – made after myself and my next door neighbour have gone to bed so it wasn’t us our any of our guests – but the camera isn’t recording overnight video feed so I can’t view what’s been happening, it’s made me feel very on edge and I know I can’t ring the police based on corrupt, unviewable, unplayable entries on the cctv system! It could be a cat for all I know but it’s the not knowing that’s tripping me up?

Still waiting for trauma focussed therapy. Keep reliving the abuse, the rapes, and the trial. So many more triggers now.

[Lisa]

Hi LittleBritishPhoenix,

I am sorry to hear you were having a bad day. I hope posting on here helped you to offload your thoughts and today has been a better day.

It is understandable that the unknown overnight entries on your cctv are putting you on edge. Is there a way to amend your cctv to record overnight video for peace of mind?

Please do consider ringing the 24hr National Domestic Violence Helpline (0808 2000 247) if you feel talking would help. Keep posting to us when you can, there is always support here for you.

Best wishes,

Lisa

[Suntree]

Could you get your CCTV to record overnight that way you could see if it is a cat or a fox?
I know there were times when I jumped at my own shadow, I had to turn my head so both eyes could see things.
I have jumped at every sound and had to check was it the heating, house general noises,cars stopping outside the house.
I tried not to look like the nosy , unhinged neighbor.
For a while I never stayed in my place alone at night, it was bad enough alone during the day.
I never told anyone I just found ways to stay at friends and away when I knew I was going to be alone and then slowly as I started getting back on my feet I stopped jumping so much.

[LittleBritishPhoenix]

Thank you both for your replies.

The electrician isn’t sure why the files are being corrupted overnight, it is recording but I can’t view the files and even he doesn’t know why. Am having some trouble with my neighbour who is demanding the cctv system be removed so it’s going to have to come down anyway (housing have sided with my neighbour) so having no cctv at all again is a horrifying prospect. And there’s nothing I can do to convince the housing that it should stay 🙁

I might try the helpline tonight. Though there’s nothing anyone can really do.

I tried to keep myself busy yesterday and thinking of going into town this afternoon to get myself out of the house. x

[Lisa]

Hi LittleBritishPheonix,

I hope you are feeling a bit better today. I’m sorry to read that you may have to take your CCTV down.
If you have not done so already it may be helpful to read through the Government Guidance on using domestic CCTV systems on your property

Additionally, Shelter’s Housing Advice Helpline may be able to give you some information about your rights to have CCTV and perhaps how you could approach this again with housing.

Kind Regards,

Lisa

[LittleBritishPhoenix]

Thank you Lisa – I feel worse today. But will have a look through those links today and try speaking to Shelter. At the moment all communications are between my social worker, housing officer and electrician who installed the cctv system and I just get updates when my social worker gets them.

[Escaped not free]

Is there a way of keeping it inside your house? Near the entrance or a window? I don’t know, I’m just thinking surely there isn’t a law against a GoPro being left on a windowsill? I’m maybe being very naive. Do u have a panic button and is your house on the police fast response system, this means if u press it any nearby units will be immediately deployed. It’s maybe more the reassurance that it’s not picking up anything untoward though that you need to gradually feel safe. What a horrible neighbour!!!! I can’t imagine being up to anything that would bother me being caught on a neighbours cctv, it’s not angled right into their bedroom or lounge for heavens sake…it’s a safety device. Keep going out, keep pushing yourself to do normal until it’s not a push anymore. You are doing brilliantly. X*x

[LittleBritishPhoenix]

No, because it has a floodlight attached it has to be outside? It doesn’t point to his house, you can’t even see his front door. He just doesn’t want it there.
I don’t have a panic button, because I’ve never been able to prove my perp knows where I am or that he’s been in the house. I think there is a flag thing on my house still so if i did ring 999 they’d come really quickly.
I was starting to feel a b it safer having the cctv there but now i know it’s not recording properly overnight, I’m panicky again. 🙁

Trying to carry on but having so much going on right now, money worries and stuff, I don’t know how to hold it together xx

[Author]

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