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    • #9667
      Confused123
      Participant

      Am half way through my divorce but i always over think things way ahead , my decree nisi has been applied for and i was just thinking after divorce is complete did u all change your surnames again, i was just thinking how it would feel weird with my kids having surname and me a different surname, then i was thinking how over years i have been married i did so many qualifications in my marital name do i explain each time im divorced now and qualifications were gained while im married. Part of me thinks i applied for divorce and now im divorce why would i want to keep his surname and be identified to part of a abusive family, this is supposed to be the last hold he has over me , so why is it such a hard decison. What did u ladies do

    • #9672
      Daisy
      Participant

      I kept the same name exactly for the reasons you gave, to be the same as my children.
      X x x

    • #9675
      White Rose
      Participant

      This is my view:
      I’m keeping the name I’m known by, by my friends and my work colleagues, by my daughters friends and their parents and by her school, by my bank, the DVLA, my GP, the hospital, it’s the one that’s in my passport and the one my savings are in, and the one my email address is based on. It’s the same as my daughters. It’s MY name.
      Why should I change it?

    • #9680
      mixed-up mum
      Participant

      Mmmmmm difficult one indeed……

      Ive not yet started thinking about a divorce, but I feel the same as you – I don’t belong to that family any more, none of them want to know me – so why should I want to remain being called by HIS name, as if I’m his ‘possession’ still – I don’t want to feel like I still belong to him – I feel like I want to erase all memory of him – BUT then I think I’m not sure I want to be called a different name to my kids indeed, and as you say it would mean changing who I am at the bank, the Docs, my driving licence etc makes things complicated…..

      So what to do for the best……????

    • #9690
      Red1
      Participant

      I regretted changing mine when I married, wish I’d kept my own name- when I get that far I plan to leave it as it is on official things for simplicity but revert to maiden name informally whenever possible, like for example on Facebook xx

    • #9692
      Falling Skys
      Participant

      I will be changing mine, but it can effect your credit rating so I will wait till I have my mortgage.

      In this day and age a lot of children have different surnames to their mothers.

      Do what ever you feel comfortable with.

      FS xx

    • #9693
      Winterblues2
      Participant

      I changed mine back, I personally felt that he didn’t deserve me achieving and thriving whilst carrying his name. It gave me another form of distance from him too.

      My children still have his name but I am their mother regardless and as resident parent I feel that I have the benefit of more of their time whilst they still have the link to him in name.

    • #9698
      Serenity
      Participant

      He spat at me that he didn’t care if I kept his name or not.
      Well, I’m not being pushed either way. Whilst my kids are young, I would like the same name as them. Maybe when they are older, as will change it X

    • #9700
      Ayanna
      Participant

      I will change my name when I feel that it is safe to do so, for the simple reason that I do not want him to find me. And also, I hate his sirname. It constantly reminds me of him.

    • #9711
      Confused123
      Participant

      So not sure what to do, hassle wise it makes sense to remain same, but its like i m not part of that family, think will slowly change , let the decress nisi come first , on fb i already use my maiden name as i dont want them veiwing my profile which they prob check out anyway, but all other doc like passport, d licence, email , banks have my surname link in. his messed my credit rating so badly, i think that might be only positive

    • #9761
      SaharaD
      Participant

      My maiden name is very unique and my abusive husband’s name is very common. It took me a long time to actually like my maiden name and all of my qualifications are in my maiden name. So I decided on a double barreled name and if I had children with him, they would have had the same name as me, whatever his silly patriarchal ideas.

      I have kept my name as I see myself going forward not backwards.

    • #9766
      Peaceful Pig
      Participant

      I don’t know when I’ll be lucky enough to finally get divorced from him, and I suppose it keeps the children happy for now while they’re younger, but I’d love to not have my ex’s name anymore. The trouble is I don’t want my maiden name either. I don’t want links to any of my abusers. One day I plan to make up a new name for myself, something empowering! X

    • #9770
      Serenity
      Participant

      PP: I always hated my maiden name. Maybe like you, I will think up something completely new x*x

    • #9771
      Confused123
      Participant

      i actually love my marital surname,lets just see what happens nearer to time

    • #9775
      Falling Skys
      Participant

      My married name is awful, I can remember my husband cousin telling him to change his name to mine as it was a lot better 😁 that didn’t go down well 😊

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