This topic contains 7 replies, has 5 voices, and was last updated by  HunkyDory 5 days, 12 hours ago.

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  • #87891
     AsLostAsAlice 
    Participant

    Good morning to all you lovely courageous ladies on here.
    I have been anxiously waiting to post a message after reading lots of yours over the last couple of days. You are all so incredibly brave and i feel reassured reading about your situations that I can totally relate to.
    I had no idea this forum existed and right now I feel I have been thrown a life line.
    It’s been a little while since i have managed to break free from the Ex, it has been an extremely difficult, scary, exhausting and painful journey to get where I am today.
    Most days are good, but I also have really dark days where I doubt myself and what happened… did he actually turn nasty, do all these things to me or are they just made up in my head? He always told me that I’m mad, going crazy and that he would carry on doing what he was doing until I end up in a mental institution as no one would believe me. Well, he didn’t succeed. However, his words are etched into my head, more so than remembering the physical attacks.
    I have tried to get involved in various things (outreach, freedom programme, counselling, books etc etc.) that might help me understand what happened, but I still struggle at times to accept that I was a victim of domestic violence.
    I have never seen myself as a weak person, certainly not a victim. It still shocks me how I wasn’t aware of what he was doing to me for so many years. Too long!

    In the past i found it helpful to speak and socialise with women that have been or going through the same experience. I’m hoping this forum, and reading / posting, will help fill this void again. I am really glad that you are all here. x

    All that said, I also want to encourage those of you who are thinking about breaking free. The truth is; No, it is not easy BUT it will be worth it!!
    A million fold!
    I absolutely do not regret putting myself through the struggle to get away, EVER. Waking up every morning not having to walk on eggshells, not feeling on edge, anxious or scared, being able to do whatever I want & without having to justify myself, argue about it or waiting for the repercussions.
    Freedom has no price.
    Seize the moment. Please don’t wait until it is too late.

    Thank you so much for listening ladies x

  • #87892
     Fudgecake 
    Participant

    Hello and welcome to the forum 😊

    Well done on getting away- it’s not easy but as you say, once you’ve done it, there are no regrets. The first post on this forum can be daunting. It was for me too. But everyone here is supportive and gives good advice; so remember you’re not alone as you have people here who understand what it is you’re experiencing. Keep posting!

  • #87897
     AsLostAsAlice 
    Participant

    Thanks for your welcoming message Fudgecake. x
    I often think that people around me must wonder if or when i ever get over the past. Not that I want the Ex back – god no!! But i feel sad and resentful that someone, who apparently “loves you” feels no remorse or guilt, doesn’t apologise and gets pleasure out of seeing me humiliated, having nothing and being nothing.
    I feel so very stupid and embarrassed that I didn’t realise what he was doing. I knew that I wasn’t happy, but couldn’t put my finger on why.

  • #87898
     Escapee 
    Participant

    Hi aslostasalice,

    Welcome to a great brunch of women.

    Please don’t feel bad about not realising what an awful situation he put you in. I stuck it out for several decades. I think it’s because we are so strong and loyal that we stay not because we are weak.
    Also we are survivors, every day 😊.

    A huge congratulations on building your new life – that is amazing.

    I’m just start the recovery process and had now idea just how tough it would be physically, let alone mentally.

    I hope you get so much out of being part of us x*x

  • #87905
     Lisa 
    Main Moderator

    Hi Aslostasalice,

    Glad to have you on the Forum. Just a quick post to say welcome and I hope you find it a supportive place to be.

    It’s normal to have down days as well as good days so please keep reaching out for support as and when you need to.

    Best wishes,

    Lisa,
    Forum Moderator

  • #87907
     AsLostAsAlice 
    Participant

    Thanks for your kind and very true words Escapee.
    So pleased you have got away too. How incredibly brave you are!
    New life & new You xx
    Take it day by day and remember how far you have come already.

    I found it very surreal the first few weeks & months being away from him, i felt lost and confused. After years of living that lifeless life, then battling through the courts for several more years, it was finally over. It took a while to sink in and a while to get my head straight after i tied up all the loose ends.
    You will get there and slowly you’ll get closer to the end of your tunnel. That’s how i’ve always seen my battle.
    Be kind to yourself 😊
    You had the strength to survive and the world is your oyster now.xx

  • #87908
     AsLostAsAlice 
    Participant

    Thank you for having me on your forum, Lisa.
    I feel a burden has lifted already knowing you guys are out there.x

  • #87909
     HunkyDory 
    Participant

    Hello AsLostAsAlice, welcome and thanks for your inspirational words. It’s very true that it’s a difficult decision to make and it’s bl**dy hard. I still question myself- was it that bad, did I make it out to be worse than it was? Sometimes I miss his smiley face (on the rare occasions he wore it) and the daft jokes we shared. But one look back through my diaries gets me back to reality and how happy I am without him.

    The ladies on here have been such a great help to me and made me feel so welcome. Keep posting if you’re having a bad day, we’ll help you through it. Keep on enjoying your freedom, I wish I could wave a magic wand and get everyone out who wants to but is too scared, unsure or feeling too trapped to do it. I’m lucky my escape fell into my lap and I pounced on it. Xx

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