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    • #142157
      maddog
      Participant

      I’m a n*rc magnet & I’m probably attracted to difficult people because I’ve spent my life around them.

      Recently I threw a fish back into the sea because of his behaviour. We’d been seeing each other for a few weeks, and then he did something, and I just thought, no, I’ve had enough. He was also exhibiting stalking behaviour.

      At first I felt disappointed that yet again I’d hooked up with a bad man. Now I feel a bit proud of myself for not allowing myself to get entangled. The sex was good. The rest was rubbish. He’s a terrible n*rc and the mask slipped so quickly.

      Am I doomed to meeting bad men for the rest of my life?

    • #142161
      Twisted Sister
      Participant

      Hi Maddog

      there may be a lot of them out there, choice of genuinely good men is small, and well done for spotting the abuse early enough! Yes, you should be proud of yourself, saved yourself years of pain possibly, I just hope accepts no is no and ends his stalky behaviour abruptly, but I’m sure you know the routine if he doesn’t.

      As you know, once an abuser [pretty much] always an abuser!

      warmest wishes

      ts

    • #142167
      Mellow
      Participant

      Welcome I seem to be a narc magnet but still in relationship but have started spotting a few things with men I never did before well done for getting out quick I’ve been with mine years wish I knew then what I do now

    • #142168
      Twisted Sister
      Participant

      please don’t excuse the abuse though by labelling it as some sort of personality disorder, which you can’t possibly diagnose.

      The ‘narc excuse’ is really worringly common out there, and on here. Noone can diagnose who has a NPD, but all of us have some degree of narcisism, its a very complex PD, and its not domestic abuse, its a different thing, but it does seem to very trendy to label abusers as narcs’ when the two are unrelated.

      I recommend the Freedom Programme if you are worried about attracting men and not spotting the early signs of an abuser, it does work!

      warmest wishes

      ts

    • #142169
      maddog
      Participant

      It’s rare for NPD to be diagnosed, and most people who have narc traits in abundance don’t have a personality disorder. They’re usually profoundly damaged pitiable control freaks. N*arcissism doesn’t usually cause problems for the person with the traits. Those traits leave in their wake a trail of misery and destruction for everyone else.I agree with you that it’s an important distinction to make between a serious disorder (which un unqualified person can’t diagnose) and patterns of behaviour which often are both abusive and narcissistic. Describing someone as n********t*c is just a descriptive term like calling someone kind, empathetic, tight, or whatever.

      I think this stupid man will feel pleased with himself. Just like my ex! Yuck. A dangerous man for anyone to get entwined with.

      • #142170
        Twisted Sister
        Participant

        yes, there’s a big difference between calling someone ‘a narc’ labelling them with a psychiatric disorder, and noting narcissistic behaviours, which we can all display at times, after all it comes from the self-centric obsession with appearance and prioritising needs, even at the expense of others, and its a spectrum, part of which is normal, and its that which can cause confusion. That narcissism is part of our human nature, so we need to be careful bandying it about and what we mean.

        I’m so glad you got away/escaped from this abuser!…and your ex! Its very good to hear how far you’ve come from the old days when we started posting. Go you!

    • #142174
      maddog
      Participant

      Decades with my ex. In reality, a few days over a few weeks with this one! He started very early on with the little personal comments, the mini complaints, the little ways of changing how I dress. I got cross with him about a few things. He didn’t take any notice. The lack of boundaries very quickly became apparent. It should have been very easy to let him go, given that we barely knew each other. It obviously took no time at all for him to latch onto me and he wasn’t going to take No for an answer. I still found it difficult to tell him that No, he couldn’t treat me like that and that I’d already told him and that he was ignoring me. When he turned up again, out of the blue, the house was locked, so he came to the window. I told him to leave, which he did, not before damaging my property and putting my life in danger. The ex used to do spiteful things when he wasn’t getting his way.

      • #142177
        Twisted Sister
        Participant

        oh maddog, I am sorry that you have suffered his abuses, even after such a short acquaintance with him. Thats revolting, you really have dodged a bullet there, and you were so brave to have despatched him so expediently. Have you reported his crimes to the police? He may already have a record for this, and if he didn’t he should! not judging, and wouldn’t blame you for not, I know whats involved and the difficulties that brings, just wondered what your thoughts were, I suspect glad to have got shot of him.

        ts x

    • #142195
      maddog
      Participant

      I think I dodged a bullet there!For my sins, I enjoyed him for sex.
      The police are looking into the stalking behaviour but have told me it’s far harder to investigate the property tampering which could have killed me. I said that what he did is good way of bumping someone off then and not getting caught. It wasn’t a method used on Killing Eve.

      I don’t think he’ll be back. I expect he’s really proud of his tinkering. He’s a (removed by Moderator).

      The police told me to let my friend know, which I have done. I don’t think she believes me. Oh well. I can’t do anything about that. I’m sounding a bit like a narcfest myself at the moment!

      I wasn’t unkind. I told him I needed space with my family and (detail removed by Moderator). Now is truly not the time, if ever there was one, to be mucking around with someone who treats you as an object, like a lego set that they can take apart and rearrange how it suits them. So glad to be rid! xx

    • #142226
      Twisted Sister
      Participant

      just a thought, but as its a risk for her not to believe you, isn’t it better the police do it, perhaps she’ll believe them? I’m not getting narc vibes from you, but we’re all deserving of a little self-indulgence from time to time. x

      (Detail removed by Moderator) I hope you will be ok now as things start to settle down (and he leaves well alone).
      xx

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