Just fed up with the attitude

[Sad and alone]

Just a vent post really.

Fed up with his s****y attitude. How he talks to me. How he says something and then says I was being funny about it. Even when I’m not he’ll say oh you rolled your eyes or you’re sulking. As soon as I voice any sort of disagreement he says things like oy! Stop it! And then how nasty and horrible I am. Or he’ll call me the name of someone we don’t like and say I’m like them. The other day we were trying to sort and urgent thing out together and he was getting in the way of  what I was trying to do and I asked him to stop and straight away he’s shouting at me, how he’s trying to help, and I’m like you can help my stopping what you’re doing, and he just growled at me and clenched and raised his fist at me.

He latches onto anything. I asked him to help me with something else but didn’t say it had to be right that minute. Carried on with other stuff and then he had to make comment saying I’d disappeared and I’d said I’d wanted a hand and he didn’t know where I’d gone but all the time he’s doing this eye rolling, sarcastic chuckle sort of thing like I’m an imbecile. I don’t know why he has to be this way. I don’t understand why he can’t just communicate like a normal person?

[Lisa]

Hi Sad and alone,

I hope that it helped to vent. Anyone would feel fed up being subjected to this behaviour, it sounds relentless and exhausting. I’m glad you’re able to use this space to share and be heard.

Take care and keep posting,
Lisa

[Loopy2]

I’m so sorry you are living with.

I know exactly how exhausted and frustrating this is!  I can’t say or do anything without it being wrong.  If I say something, he says I need my head looking at and if I do something, he’s always got to change it or correct it, like move something 2cm to the left or right because that’s a much better place.  If I hoover and put the hoover away, he’ll kick it an inch over and mumble about he wishes ‘people’ would put things away properly.  The fact it doesn’t make the slightest difference and I shouldn’t even be hoovering in the first place because it cripples me but he’s too lazy to do anything doesn’t even come in to it!!

It’s good that you came here to vent.  I feel I have nowhere to vent sometimes and I get so upset, worked up and feel at the end of my tether.  It’s hard for other people to understand exactly how draining it is on you both physically and mentally.

Take care of yourself and make sure you keep posting whenever you need to x x

[Sad and alone]

I know the rearranging thing well. I have a business and he says it’s mine and my responsibility,  but if he doesn’t agree with something he will change it. This could even be something like the angle of a (item removed by Moderator). He comes in behind me altering the position of items. It’s so controlling. And if I say why are you doing that he says it’s because it’s better his way and how I don’t understand what people like because I’ve got no sense of (detail removed by Moderator). And he has! So basically I am encouraged to have ideas and make suggestions but unless it’s what he thinks it won’t happen.  It’s just horrible really. He always makes these claims about what people like but it’s just rubbish. I don’t know where these statistics come from.
Also frustrating when you’re spoken about in that way – “people”. I have to hear about “you humans” or “you women”. He’ll make comments about women and I’ll say that’s being sexist and he’ll deny it but as soon as you start saying things like that what else is it? Because it’s never anything positive after those two words. Hate being spoken about as if I’m not there. Or they make reference to “people” that sulk or cry or feel sorry for themselves etc and you know it’s aimed at you but they think by saying people instead they can deny any wrongdoing.

Sorry you’re experiencing this as well. I’ve been here way too long and should have sorted myself out by now.

[Sad and alone]

Thank you.

I just get sick and tired of all the comments. And I can’t say anything else it’ll lead to an argument. I can’t say anything against him or the way he is without being told I’m “fighting” him. So then it’s almost like his behaviour is never challenged so he’ll carry on with it. But then he’ll start saying to me how you should always try in life and not give up. I can’t try any more. But if I say this he says I don’t do anything. I’m up against a brick wall with it all. I don’t want to be in this relationship if I’m honest, but it’s a struggle to leave the many, many years of my life as I know it behind. Even if they have been unhappy years. It doesn’t make sense but here I am still. There is no intimacy and I don’t feel that way towards him. There is nothing attractive about a man that shouts and calls you names and criticises and disregards everything that’s said. That has such contempt and lack of respect. What sort of relationship is that?

 

[Loopy2]

I hear you completely.  There is absolutely no intimacy here either.  I can’t even bear the thought of it.  When he has a drink he’ll moan about me being cold with him for the last (number removed by Moderator) years and he ‘misses us’.  I look at him now and I have nothing but resent and hate.  He has taken away years of my life and made them miserable.  The only thing that he has given me is two lovely kids but he is ruining their mental health now with his behaviour.  I do not want to be here any more but because he has taken away every part of me including my confidence, I feel stuck.  I have not got the strength or bravery to leave.  I need someone to come and grab us and take us away so I don’t have do it myself.  Sounds silly because that’s relying on someone else again but I don’t feel like I can do it myself.  That’s how they make us feel.  Like we need them.

I try to image how life would be if I could do something or say something without being criticised or being verbally attacked and yes, it sounds amazing but, getting there………that’s something different.

I know these are a lot of years of our lifes to ‘lose’ or ‘throw away’ but when we look at them, are they happy years?  Mine have not been happy.  Mine have been awful and full of emotional blackmail to stop me leaving.

We will get there.  I know we will.

Sending love and strength.

[Author]

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