14th September 2021 at 11:03 pm #131472
I’m getting closer and closer to my exes bail ending, he was arrested for a very serious assult to myself and I’m considering putting in a witness statement. Everything just feels surreal to me at this point.
I want to do the statement as he has ruined my life with physical and mental abuse. But if it does go to court and he is found guilty he will more than likely do time due to previous which I have an overwhelming sense of guilt over even though I hate him I still find myself loving him and having an attachment to him.
The officer in charge of my case is almost putting me off doing a statement, stating that it is his word against mine (he has denied it) and theres no witnesses, even though there’s photographic evidence and medical records, saying that he can’t guarantee a screen for me not to see him in court and he can’t guarantee a charge which I feel is messing up my head more.
My womens aid support worker has told me to list everything in Bullet points tonight and she’s going to call me tomorrow morning but I can’t even bring myself to go through it all im just sayinfront of a pen and paper crying.
I just don’t know what to do this is so overwhelming im petrified of if it does go to court but I’m also unsure if I even want to do a statement. If I didn’t have feelings towards him this would be so much easier.
I just hate all of this.
15th September 2021 at 8:15 am #131480SurvivingnotthrivingParticipant
I am so sorry to hear how much you are struggling with this. I found giving my initial statement really overwhelming and the prospect of appearing in court terrifies me too. However I am not prepared to let this person get away with terracing me potentially for the rest of my life. You deserve to be heard. Have you ever kept a diary or a log of the various incidents? Or do you have messages, emails, anything to back up how you’re feeling? I’ve been advised that this sort of thing is really helpful. You are so strong for contacting the police in the first place. Please remember that! It takes serious courage. I’m sure you can find that strength and courage to continue your fight x
15th September 2021 at 11:11 am #131485
There’s messages (they (detail removed by moderator) as well) and also I have a (detail removed by moderator) along with all the evidence stated in the post.
It took me 2 hours to build up the courage to write all the bullet points but when I did and went through it this morning it made me realise what a horrible person he is and I found it kinda helped if that makes sense.
It’s all so so hard though, I hope your okay x*x
16th September 2021 at 11:47 pm #131543
So I did my statement lastnight, it took 4 hours and it was so hard. This whole thing I am finding incredibly hard and I feel so guilty for potentially ruining his life. Hopefully with counselling and support I will eventually be able to see this logically.
If it wasn’t for this overwhelming guilt I would find this process a lot easier but he has such questionable mental health I’m concerned he will do something stupid..
17th September 2021 at 8:50 am #131551WaterspriteParticipant
Hello there – it’s that trauma bond. I just kept reminding myself all I had done is told the truth to the authorities whose job it is to protect my family and others. The rest is down to them. And it was HIM that did it all if he hadn’t been so terrible none of it would have happened. As for MH – no excuse for abuse x The guilt is not yours to wear it is his alone and it will pass eventually. Often whenever I felt guilt he would do something else awful which helped that! So stand tall in your truth and braveryxx
18th September 2021 at 1:54 am #131593SingleMomSurvivorParticipant
When my abuser first physically assaulted me, I was really hesitant to call the police. I was worried about sending him to jail and “ruining his life.” Then when I did call the police & they arrested him & he went to jail, I did have guilt about him actually going to jail & felt like maybe I had taken things too far. It didn’t take long for him to begin spinning lies about the assault, claiming that he was the victim & telling everyone who would listen that I had attacked him & was crazy. At that point I was glad I had him arrested & sent to jail because it at least led to some sort of documentation of his abuse. He also had charges filed against him so there’s a chance he may be held accountable.
I think that abusers are really really good at getting us to consider their feelings above our own & making us feel responsible for their abusive behaviors & any consequences they suffer from those abusive behaviors. I totally understand the feelings of guilt, but know that you made a healthy decision for yourself & any consequences he suffers are his own fault & a result of his actions. He ruined his own life. You are so brave for pressing forward 💜
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