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    • #122394
      Celeanor
      Participant

      Need someone to talk to….
      I’ve just managed to leave my (detail removed by Moderator) year relationship with my abuser, who was previously my best friend.
      I lost my partner in a car accident in (removed by moderator) and then my best friend was there for me and told me how he liked me, I trusted him. Especially as I knew him and he knew what I had been through.
      We got together and this is when it all changed, he became nasty, we worked together and still do which is very frustrating. He would always argue when I would have to work with people he didn’t like , as it was all men at the company. So I felt I couldn’t speak to anyone and was miserable constantly. He used to start arguments if I would post on social media so I got rid of it all to save the arguments.
      He was very jealous and always accusing me of cheating, when I never ever disrespected him! He would call me such horrible names, scream at me, push me, pinch me, punch things, make me out to be stupid and pick at my insecurities. It all just got way to much for me and I managed to finally leave one day. I always helped him with his debts, he had a gambling addiction I knew nothing about until I found out one day he stole (removed by moderator)!
      After we broke up his ex ( the mother of his kids) told me that he would call her and ask for money, she fed his gambling addiction before I found out about this. (removed by moderator). He never cheated, his ex confirmed this and I do trust her.
      I now know why he accused me, because he was so guilty of doing things and lying to me all the time.
      I can’t help but still miss him and love him because we did still have so many good memories. It’s almost like he was two different people, one side of him I wanted a life with forever, the other side I hated him and I didn’t recognise the man he was.
      I feel so angry and hurt, how can someone that loves me do this to me??
      I just feel very lonely, my mum lives (removed by moderator) hours away, luckily I have my (removed by moderator) that has given me a room to stay in.
      I’m struggling with this lockdown, it’s been three days with no contact and I feel so proud of myself but I have no one to speak to and feel I need support and perhaps a distraction??
      I can see this will take a while and feel he will always want to control me, he threatens if he ever finds out I’m moving on with someone new he will ‘ do something ‘ about it. I couldn’t think of anything worse right now , than to have contact with another man after this relationship.
      Help … and opinions please.

    • #122398
      Brave
      Participant

      Hello and welcome. Well done for getting out of this toxic relationship and for cutting contact. There is plenty of support for you here. It takes a while to come to terms with what has happened when we leave an abusive relationship. For now, be kind to yourself, take each day at a time and ask for support.

    • #122405
      Celeanor
      Participant

      Thank you, I know it’s going to be a long road ahead and I believe with support of the lovely ladies on this forum that have experienced similar situations , I will become stronger each day.

    • #122456
      Snowy123
      Participant

      Hi Celeanor

      Well done for getting out, I kept myself distracted with all the things I need to do to rebuild my life, once there was less for me to do it got hard, I started remembering happier times too and you have to stay strong. I’m trying to find another distraction now and looking at finding a job, like you say, lock down doesn’t help but there is light at the end of the tunnel and I’m looking forward to that. I have also written down a lot about our relationship and the abuse to try and let it out, so when I am feeling weak I read this and remember the bad times, and remind myself that it was not repairable and we have done the right thing.

      Sending love and strength x

    • #122484
      Celeanor
      Participant

      Hi,
      Thanks for responding to me, I appreciate that! It’s alright when I have things to distract me like work, but the weekends I struggle with because I have so much free time and that’s when I’m stuck inside my own thoughts, which isn’t nice, I do what you do and start remembering the happier times we had together, but then sometimes something will click and I’ll sit and remember all the times he was nasty to me and how much he disrespected me. As you say these things are not repairable and that’s what I need to get inside of my head. I guess the hardest part is that I love him and never wanted things to go this way and I wish he could be the man I wanted but he just can’t. You shouldn’t have to beg someone to change, they should treat you with respect without having to beg for it.
      We deserve so much more and need to be kind to ourselves! X

    • #122486
      Muddyboots
      Participant

      Hello, just thought I’d send a Sunday afternoon hug. I admire you so much for getting out, Even though it feels so hard to do x*x

    • #122490
      Celeanor
      Participant

      Hey! Thank you so much, sending hugs back to you also.
      Struggling so bad and I know I have a rubbish week ahead of me as I have to go (detail removed by Moderator)…. I’m hoping things start getting better for me, as a (detail removed by Moderator) year old I feel this is so much for me to cope with 😩

    • #122555
      Lazarus17
      Participant

      Hi Celeanor. Just a quick message to tell you to stay strong. I’ve been there and looking back I can’t believe I even found the courage to leave so that alone shows your strength 🙂 I won’t sugar coat it, there’ll be tough times, but it does get easier. Take it one day at a time and remember tough times don’t last, but tough people do (my mantra for a few years!) And WE ARE TOUGH!!!

    • #122560
      Celeanor
      Participant

      Thank you so much for the reply, I still can’t believe I’ve found the courage to leave and I don’t think he can believe himself that I left also. It’s just being strong enough to stick to my guns and not want to go back, which is difficult when they play the nice , loving person that you always wanted them to be when you were with them.
      Why are these men so good at getting inside of our heads?!
      That’s such a good saying!! Hope you’re well? Xx

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