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To even get out of bed today. I’d a day from he’ll y. Day with my oldest. After he kicked the bathroom door in last night I explained how wrong this behaviour is and how he hasn’t to go to the pub at weekend to my ex as this is just making things more difficult. My ex will question my son more so with him being vunerable which is disgusting. Why he would want to see a man who’s ruined our life’s I don’t know. When my oldest went on my ex reckoned to ask about his son probably so he comes back and tells me. Because he can’t find it in himself to ask me about him. Just fed up of it never ends….x
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Hi Better Days,
It is the most natural thing in the world for a boy to want a relationship with a father/ father figure.
What’s hard when that father is an abuser is that it causes the child so much pain and disbelief- just as it did us.
Your son is finding it hard to face the truth, because let’s face it, the truth is pretty ugly.
Your son will need you more than ever when his hopes are dashed yet again.
As with my sons, you need to let them learn their own truth, but be there to pick up the pieces, whilst keeping your eyes and ears open for your ex’s abuse and manipulation a and cleverly counteracting it. How you can do this is by speaking to your son in general about what bullying is and what manipulative people are like, and encouraging your sons’ awareness and independence. Set their focus upon them achieving something for themselves, something they can be proud of. Reiterate to them what is important in life- taking care of themselves, doing worthwhile and enjoyable and wholesome things, helping others…
There is no doubt your ex is transferring the control now from you to your sons, because he can’t reach you directly. But your sons will learn. You just need to be there at the other end.
For me, my energy is revitalised when I get my power back. My energy is zapped when I feel him gaining power. Take your power back- in clever ways. X
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