Just venting

[Lostmyself]

Hi I haven’t used the forum in a while but I am trying to keep a sort of log on how things are. Since I posted before things have got much much worse and I have decided to definitely leave after (removed by moderator). Its clear as day my husband is financially and emotionally abusive. Im very tearful and depressed all the time, I cant cope at all I have no money even though he earns (removed by moderator) a month and I am working full time he spends the whole lot in the pub and Im not entitled to tax credits. (Detail removed by moderator), I now have social services involved in my children’s care partly due to this and we have been told we cannot keep the (removed by moderator), he says its staying and he does not give a s**t about my tenancy which I will lose if he doesn’t get rid of it! And that my kids are more trouble than the (removed by moderator), he calls me mental all the time…Hes right I am! The (removed by moderator) is a living breathing reminder he doesn’t care how I feel and he lavishes it with attention that he denies me! He still just lies in bed w***king to porn but ignores me and pays other women just that bit too much attention, he says hes going to spend Christmas in the pub and that I am boring because I like to stay in sometimes. I want him to go but then I don’t. Hes destroyed my self esteem and I know I could never risk another relationship that’s why Im hanging onto him. I feel like s**t, ugly old and boring but I think hopefully that may change after hes gone, thanks for reading if you got to the end! X

[lover of no contact]

Lostmyself,

Dealing with an abuser is too much for any of us. We can’t escape the abusive relationship on our own. Gather as much support around you as you can one of which is this Forum. I find reading the posts a lot keeps me strong.

As well as his awful behaviour I bet you are worn out and he does not lift a finger. Being exhausted makes it harder to gather the energy to leave. Its enough to just cope from day to day. I bet all the child-care is left to you too.

And typical abuser with the dog. They never clean up the mess, they leave us to do it.

Keep venting to us as much as you can. It helps us too to read your post as all abusers are similar. They are not as unique as they think they are. He is in fact the boring one.

No wonder you’re tearful and depressed. You’re working full-time. You’re cleaning up after children, the untrained dog and a grown man. Trust this will change by staying close to the Forum. You will feel beautiful, strong and be full of life again.

[Lisa]

Hi Lostmyself,

I’m sorry to read that you are feeling low, however it is completely understandable considering your husband’s abusive behaviour. You are incredibly strong for keeping going as you are, however his daily abuse must really be taking it’s toll on you.

We all understand that leaving is nerve-wracking in lots of ways. So please try to get yourself some support in place. You can call the 24 hour National Domestic Violence Helpline on 0808 2000 247 to speak to a female support worker in confidence about your situation; they are there to listen, provide information and can signpost you to other support. You can also contact your local domestic abuse service; you can find their details here.

Keep Posting,

Lisa

[Author]

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