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    • #37583
      Nomorenomore
      Participant

      So after months of niceness the snide comments started. I had fallen behind on the washing. I got too cocky with answering back so the full force of rage was directed at me. My head was slammed against a (detail removed by Moderator). By accident I think like he meant to shove me but didn’t mean for my head to hit that. I have the worst black eye. Had an X-ray at the hospital nothing is fractured but I’ve never seen a black eye like this. I will be hiding it for a week or two. He says I wound him up with what I was saying. I can see if he doesn’t change he is going to really harm me. No one knows but I wish my family did so I could have a hug. i know I should get out but I can’t I’m not ready and I guess I still believe he will change. He is starting private anger management classes. I feel pitiful even writing that as I know most likely he won’t change.

    • #37584
      Nomorenomore
      Participant

      I feel so sad and like such a victim. I never thought I would be a victim I guess none of us did. Sitting in the hospital by myself I could feel the staring and judgement of have you been hit. I was so embarrassed

    • #37586
      White Rose
      Participant

      Did you tell the hospital staff what happened? Have you reported it the police? It doesn’t matter that you think he didn’t mean you to hit your head and that he only meant to push you – he pushed you and caused an injury and that sounds like a serious assault to me. What if he’d pushed you against railings on a balcony and you’d fallen off?
      He won’t change. We all think they will but they don’t.
      Please phone helpline and start looking at ways of protecting yourself from further harm xx

    • #37597
      Nomorenomore
      Participant

      I told them I had tripped and hit my head…I was unconscious for a while but remember him slapping and screaming in my ear. I think he thought I was faking. I just don’t understand why he would be like this to me? it was wasn’t days of build up it was a quick snap of rage. Everything in his life is great I just can’t work it out. I think he is resentful of me for some reason

    • #37598
      Serenity
      Participant

      So sorry you’ve been through this, No More.

      Trouble is, these abusers rely upon our silence. Apart from the fact that you need support around you emotionally, he will be able to carry on his abuse if he thinks no one knows, because when he gets angry he’ll just be thinking he can get away with it. Until he believes that you will take action and tell people each time he’s abusive, he won’t have the brakes to stop.

      The mistake we make is to think that we are the cause of their rage. The rage is already inside them: everything triggers them, and whatever we did wouldn’t be enough, or seems to annoy them. It doesn’t take much to tip them over the edge, hence the saying ‘walking on eggshells.’

      Please be careful.

    • #37612
      Nomorenomore
      Participant

      Thank so you are both right. I haven’t as yet been able to tell anyone that he did it but I have told a few people I’ve been injured and he knows about this. I’m hoping it will be the first step….I felt a bit stronger just reading your replies so thank you x

    • #37638
      Confused123
      Participant

      Hi HUn

      This is not your shame, i have been in hospital b4 and lying that i dont know how the injury happened, please tell the staff at hospital so they can get u support u need, if theres one thing i regeret abut taking so long to leqve is beleiving their lies and that i hadnt reached out for more support, i know it is so hard but will save u so much pain in long run, i couldnt tell my family either, just callthem and tellthem to pcik u up, u cna sort the rest out after

    • #37658
      unicornsarelovely
      Participant

      I really hope that you find the strength to ring the domestic violence helpline. You did nothing wrong!!! He won’t change and next time he gets in a rage it could be fatal.

      Speak to your family and get out of there, you deserve so much better than living in fear of being physically attacked. He may not have meant for you to hit your head, but he was still hitting and screaming at you in a very vulnerable state, while you were barely conscious. Your family wouldn’t want you to be in this situation and I’m sure they will help you get out and stay safe.

      Hugs and strength sent in bucket loads x

    • #37680
      Ayanna
      Participant

      Can you take a selfie of your black eye and store the picture in a safe place?

      Also, ring the helpline. You can be anonymous. Speak to them why it is so hard for you to report him and leave.

      I was like you. He punched me and I had the worst black eye I have ever seen in my entire life on anyone.
      I did not do anything about it except covering it up with heavy make up. To be honest, it took 2 years to heal completely.
      And he did it again,… and again,… and again,…. It became normality in our marriage.

      You were unconscious. Well, he also damaged your brain. Expect to suffer from tinnitus, hearing loss, vertigo, migraines, memory loss, cognitive impairments in the future. Expect to deteriorate intellectually. Because he will do it again, over and over again … and your brain will pay the price for this.

      Or… you think: What the hell, how dare he even touch me!!! No way!!! This is a serious crime! Any stranger on the street who punches me will go to jail! He is no different!
      Then you grab your phone, ring the police and tell them what happened while the black eye is still fresh.

    • #37697
      Nomorenomore
      Participant

      Thanks for your messages. I have read them all a few times and letting them sink in. I know you are all right. So why don’t I say something? I don’t understand it myself. It seems scary to start a process that can’t never be undone. I just keep thinking I’m not dead yet (I know that is an insane thought) maybe just maybe seeing the extent of my injury might shock him to stop. I am angry at him but I don’t hate him I just want him to be nice. I was bought up to cope privately and not tell family secrets so it is extra hard to do. I’m angry at myself for behaving like a victim. Hiding in the house for days and wearing dark glasses. Why do I feel that he is weaved into my very being? So much so that I feel I am betraying him by saying anything. We have been together a very long time. I am annoyed that I have friends and family reaching out but I just can’t tell them. I’m making excuses up regarding cancelled plans.

    • #37715
      KIP.
      Participant

      Hi there, if you can’t speak to your family then consider letting them read this post? Google ‘trauma bonding’. Abuse always gets worse. You are not thinking straight because you are traumatised. I needed the police to take over, arrest and bail him. We minimise their behaviour over time but this is serious. He could have blinded you or worse x

    • #37718
      fizzylem
      Participant

      He’s already crossed the line flower, this will only change now if you do something to change it. Please leave this man and cut all contact. You sound confused like all of us on here have been or still are; this is not love, those who love us don’t ever want to hurt us. Tell someone, anyone, stop keeping it a secret for him, by doing so you have cut yourself off from the support you desperately need.

    • #37722
      White Rose
      Participant

      You say you were brough up tao cope and not tell family secrets. Surely that shouldn’t mean you can’t share worries with your family?
      Think about it carefully – if this were another family member being treated this way how would you feel if they kept it from you?
      Regardless of what you think they might think, they are your family and they do say blood is thicker than water.
      Keep yourself safe and please try to open up to someone about your problems.
      Someone suggested taking a photo of your injury. This is a good idea make sure it has a date recorded width it.
      Please try to ring the help line and don’t give up if they are engaged first time x

    • #37726
      Confused123
      Participant

      HI HUn

      Sometimes we are just scared cause it means we will be over,w e fear how they will react and what they will do,harsh reality is if we dont take action they will kill us and hun the relationship is over anyway cause of his behaviour, please make that call , let the nurse and your family know, things really arent as bad as we think they will be after, this is your ticket out of hell

    • #37757
      Ayanna
      Participant

      I was like you. I am disabled from the physical abuse.
      Do you want to become disabled too from the abuse (detail removed by Moderator)

    • #37779
      Nomorenomore
      Participant

      I’m sorry for all the horrible things you have all been through. Thank you for helping. My concussion seems to be clearing a bit now. I can see things a bit clearer. I’m going to stay with my family for a bit and work out what I can do next x

    • #37781
      Selene
      Participant

      Hello,

      On one occasion he really laid into me, I phoned the domestic violence helpline number and they told me to get out. So i went to my parents, my Dad wanted to take me to the police but i couldn’t do that to my husband. So we agreed on a compromise i would go to their GP and she documented all the bruising.
      So it took me another (detail removed by moderator) years to work out i could never make him happy and we were better off without him. But the episode documented in my medical notes helped me get a non-molestation order.
      I am sure everybody says this he will never change, but you can only sort it once you realise that. Please keep yourself safe.

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