Just when you think you’re doing better…

[Missnobody]

So, me leaving is still quite a new thing and I guess I’ve been doing ok and thought I was starting to move on. However, I still have these days where I’m basically back in the relationship wondering what I’ve done to deserve this life, will it ever get better, no-one will ever love me etc etc. I’ve had an awful day today and it was supposed to be a special day for my daughter. The thing is, no-one ever tells you that when you lose him you lose the family too – sisters, brothers, nieces, mother-in-laws who’ve become YOUR family after so many years. I mean, I get that obviously they’re going to take his side but to just forget me altogether when they know what he was like? I’m shocked if I’m honest.
To top it off he’s been for his post today and was all ‘I’m doing great, my life is brilliant without you, I’m dad of the year”
Come on now, tell me it gets better than this!

[Hopingforpeace]

Hi, you are doing so well. It takes a lot of strength to leave, you are very brave. It will and does get better but it takes time. It sounds like it is early days for you so its only natural that you feel like this. Try to be kind to yourself, you have been through so much. You will have some days that are really hard but you will have better days and good days too. Try focus on you and your daughter and enjoy your time together just the two of you, free to be how you want to be and do what you want. Take some time out for you when you can and do something you enjoy. I am sorry to hear that his family are being like that towards you, it must be very hurtful. Try to ignore your ex, he will be saying these things to you just to get at you. Keep going, and keep posting, we understand and are here for you.

[Twisted Sister]

Dear missnobody

Well done for escaping him! Thats a massive,huge, step. One youve managed that not everyone can.

You are now free to start recovering from it, something you cant do whilst in it.

Also your recovery will be severely restricted whilst there is still contact with him.

But…things will be hugely improved for you when things like ..

was all ‘I’m doing great, my life is brilliant without you, I’m dad of the year”

…no longer mean anything….becase they dont.

Shut him right out, he will be saying and doing all he can to continue abusing you.

Block him, and block his words, life will get better.

Keep safe and keep strong, what you know, and what he says are different things you also know.

Warmest wishes

TS

[KIP.]

Yes it gets much better. The key is zero contact and time. Get his mail redirected. He has no right coming to see you. Take back the control. Drop the child or children somewhere you don’t have to see him. Use a third party for contact and handover. It can all be kept civil from your side without direct contact. Direct contact will drag you down. Put these things in place until get get past this stage. Tell him also he is not allowed where you live and if he comes to your home you will get contact a solicitor. Speaking of which, you need good legal advice. Do you have a contact order in place. My confidence soared when I took back control. Him playing at being happy is also a huge game. Mine did the same. In private they are still the miserable albatross you lived with for years.

[Flowerchild]

Don’t let him have a reason to call round, darling – seeing him will set you back.

If he won’t pay to have his mail redirected, you can redirect it yourself by crossing the address out and writing ‘moved to’ and his new address. It doesn’t cost anything.

[Author]

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