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    • #143393
      Hereforhelp
      Participant

      He leaves us alone (for now) as he has a new family (or host as I call her as he is a parasite).
      I am left to deal with everything which I pretty much did anyhow however our child is sick, really sick and it is long term. I am not coping today, I am exhausted. I know and understand about self care but this is so hard seeing our child sick (I am with him 24/7 and weekly or more visits to hospitals on my own) whilst our child is so confused as to being abandoned by his father.
      Breaking down today

    • #143394
      The Duchess
      Participant

      Honey I’m so sorry for you this must be tremendously hard , I was left with a baby myself and I found it extremely hard on my own as his dad didn’t have anything to do with us , had to work also and bring him with me , I felt so bitter with him for years as I was having to be both parents , when he was sick with tonsils , nearly died , as a baby , it was me who dealt with everything. I can’t imagine how you feel ? Is there nobody that can give you any rest bite , your so exhausted which I understand that can make you more emotional xx

    • #143398
      Hereforhelp
      Participant

      Yes I think the exhaustion has caught up with me and the worry. So glad I managed to get out of my marriage, I never want him back but our son, a young teenager, he isn’t coping with being sick and not understanding how his father has abandoned us in every way possible.
      It must have been incredibly hard for you with a baby, dealing with the aftermath of leaving an abusive partner is hard enough, worse when you have a sick child. I hope your baby recovered fully and has a healthy happy life, that’s all we want for them xx
      My boy is going into hospital as he needs more invasive tests… his father knows nothing yet would still blame me if he knew anything… it’s all such a mess today as part of me, the parent part, is like come on and step the EFF up! It isn’t in him though, he is a selfish, abusive narc…
      Love and strength to you Duchess ❤️

    • #143403
      Hereforhelp
      Participant

      I know why I am crying so much today… my son is going into hospital for however long…. my heartbreaks for my son like a physical pain as I want to make him well again.. that all makes sense but there’s a part of me, trauma bonded part, which knows if I phone my abusive husband (who has abandoned us knowing our child is sick) he would swoop in, take care of everything, be so kind to us all and he would look after me BUT..
      I also know there would be conditions, manipulation, coercion and eventually intimidating… I am disgusted with myself for even going there in my head…. he’s caused so much damage to all of us over the many many years of our marriage.. I think I am just exhausted.

    • #143423
      gettingtired
      Participant

      Please be kinder to yourself,it’s very common to be confused as to why you may crave that nice side of the abuser. It’s really very normal. Please don’t be ashamed. It sounds like you’re doing an absolutely wonderful job with your son. Is it possible for him to have some counselling when he’s well enough? I’ve read people write on here before about counselling children can get through schools sometimes etc. Sending a virtual hug xx

      • #143431
        Hereforhelp
        Participant

        Gettingtired, yes both my children are waiting on therapy (i will chase it up). Thank you for your kind words and understanding. I do feel shame when my mind goes to that old space, i was married fod many years but i am also starting therapy for PTSD, Pattern Change and another course, i am tealky trying to break my thought processes and rewire if that makes sense x big virtual hugs back 🤗

    • #143425
      Auriel
      Participant

      Hereforhelp do you have family support? If so let them help, let them be there for you you need someone there for you right now (and I’m in no way referring to your abuser) I can’t imagine how hard it must be for you right now but you really need some support (you help a lot your name says it all) your child will understand when he’s older (your probably trying to protect him from the truth of your ex right now) just know what an amazing woman and mother you are 🤗💝🤗

      • #143432
        Hereforhelp
        Participant

        Auriel, I broke today when I saw my parents, I couldn’t stop crying. They are supporting me. There are a couple of family members who I can also trust, I just haven’t asked for help, I thought I could do it all lol…. then again I didn’t know my child was suddenly going to become sick, as more than anything that’s worry me.
        Your words helped, I need to think.about asking for help as I just cannot do it all at the moment.
        Thank you ❤

      • #143472
        Auriel
        Participant

        That’s what we’re all here for, circle of support and all collectively giving big cwtches through the forum (so so glad you’ve got support)
        🤗💐🤗

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