Keep hearing his phrases in situations but he’s not here -does that stop?!

[Chasingrainbows]

Hiya everyone,

I have been a number of months now left him, still see him at child handover but I’m keeping my boundaries now so not seeing him otherwise. But his voice keeps popping into my head in situations, what he would say in those situations and then I have to remind myself he’s wrong and those things aren’t true. Sometimes even silly things like watching strictly and 2 boys dancing together and knowing he would say “(detail removed by moderator)”.

We were married a long time so I suppose it’s very deep rooted.

Does this stuff stop? How am I gonna stop the dialogue? It’s worse now I’m really sure it is and was abusive…. While I thought I left him mostly because I didn’t love him any more, I knew deep down it was because he was slipping into it again, blaming me and not taking responsibility again. When I thought I just didn’t live him I was cooking better I think. Now a few months and it’s dawning on me.

[Lisa]

Hi Chasingrainbows,

Thank you for sharing with us. I hope it is helping to post on the forum about what you are experiencing. There is always support here for you from other survivors who understand about what you are going through.

Keep posting when you can.

Best wishes,

Lisa

[Buildmeupbuttercup]

Dear Chasingrainbows,

I hear my ex’s voice in my head from time to time, criticising me and telling me what to do. I absolutely hate it

Take care x

[Bananaboat]

I get this, there’s a particular noise he made that creeps in a lot, and like you I think oh he’d hate this person/programme. I’m no expert by any means but I’m finding the stronger I get, the more I see how ridiculous his views were but at other times, the voice/noise can stop me in my tracks which I guess is similar to ptsd and something we might need counselling or other support with. x

[AloneWolf]

This happens to me, particularly when driving at the moment. He was a very angry driver, all other cars on the road were in the wrong. I can just hear his voice when I’m driving, shouting at others, banging the steering wheel, speeding, and my heart rate increases like it did when I was a passenger with him. I have jjst been reminded of a time when he was driving so stupid one time and had his music up so loud, my daughter asked him to turn it down. He kicked off, shouted at us both and told us if we didn’t like it we could get out and walk. We were miles from anywhere so we just had to shut up and accept it. This should’ve been one of the first red flags, feel so stupid for ignoring!

[Eyeswideopen]

Yes it happens to me too, but more recently I “listen” when it would have been good… like if I’m cooking alone and remember a moment he helped, or working late and feel like venting, and he’d listen. I feel aweful because I would never want him back, but because things are calm, my brain keeps connecting with good stuff! When I was always scared, and he was threatening more often, these things had faded back, but as he gets quieter (for now!) I get these sad nosgalgic feelings and I hate myself for it… maybe it’s because I’m alone now, no adults to talk to and share life with, and got used to that companionship, even if it was toxic and broken and unbalanced for most of the time…
I guess it takes time to feel indifferent, if ever… how can you just erase decades of your life? I dont want to as it encompasses all of my kids childhoods and my best young years! 🙁

[Chasingrainbows]

Thanks everyone for sharing, it helps so much to hear we all have those moments and not just me.

Interesting to me, I broke down (removed by moderator) at work and my boss called me (removed by moderator) and shared that she too left an abusive relationship (removed by moderator) years ago, is now divorced and remarried with an adult son from the abusive father, who is doing well and has gone far with his life already. She said hearing me share some of my problems bought lots of memories back, but that it does improve in time. She was able to share without breaking down, and have empathy and is living proof that as women in these situations we can move on!! I’m hoping his voice will fade in time.

[StrongLife]

I understand this. I hear those phrases too. Knowing it was “his phrase” in my head. It was large part of my past. I too hear phrases from others – I think it’s just experiences and memories. At moment it’s more difficult.
I too have shared at work with other females to hear a story from them.

[Author]

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