Keep telling everyone I’m OK but I’m not

[Lifestyleforme]

I broke up with my abusive ex (removed by moderator) months ago now and he didn’t exactly take it very well. Fast forward to now, 3 police visits later for him shouting abuse out side my house and him constantly messaging me, making fake accounts and coming to my work. I’m finally doing something about it. However everyone keeps asking me if I’m ook (as most of my work now know etc) but I keep saying yes, when I’m not OK.

The police spoke to me today asking me how I felt about the harrasment and I said I was OK, but I can’t even manage to tell them so how do i tell my friends.

I’m scared that he will turn up at my work again and I haven’t been able to sleep since the last incident but I don’t know how to tell anyone.

I’m trying to be strong and pretend that nothing has happened but everyone keeps asking me and I keep lying.

[fizzylem]

Yes its a coping mechansim, to be honest its both a pretty standard and stupid question. I rarely ask how are you feeling when someone is bound to be in a dreadful place, I make a point of asking things like how you holding up? Or how you doing today? I think these type of qs are a bit smaller and easier to answer maybe?

You are OK, but I imagine there are also moments when you feel like youre paddling frantically just below the surface? Maybe you are too scared to actually stop and think about how you do feel? Because this means opening up and letting it in? Feels too big and you’ve got stuff to do?

I wouldnt read too much into this; of course you dont want to go into it with folk; when you’re ready it might help to sit still, alone and think about how you do feel and write it all down first? Or choose someone you trust. It’s not really that easy to sum up into a few words is it. You will have mixed feelings, conflicting feelings, a range and changing feelings too, times when you do feel ok and other times when you feel on the floor – its hard to verbalise – what it doesnt do is make you a liar. It tells us you’re likely on auto pilot a bit trying not to think about it because you’re just trying to get through atm.

You’re not pretending to be strong, you are strong, but you have moments when you feel vulnerable, maybe consumed, like it could take you down or sink you – you are both strong and vulnerable – because we all are. Doesn’t mean you are weak or unable to cope when you have moments when you feel this LSF – it usually means you need a bit of help and support, to work out what needs to happen next because you dont know, or you need to express how you feel, or lock it away until you feel ready to do this as you’ve described.

It’s good to talk, verbalise it, but this also needs to be at the right time as well x

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