- This topic has 3 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 4 years, 8 months ago by Tobfree.
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26th July 2019 at 12:41 pm #84342TobfreeParticipant
Feel very stunned and hurt like been kicked in the stomach
Not physically but emotionally and mentally
With him lashing out with words using words as weapons to hurt me scare meand guilt trip me blame me and stomp all over me
as i was proud of myself and was trying to be more confident
In myself through things i doSo he had to hurt me punish me its all guilt trips and scare tactics coercion
What is the best way to respond to him about this
Like not react don’t let him know he scared me n hurt me etc
And should i Just be firm in standing my ground with him
Whilst at the same time make sure i don’t get dragged into the guilt trips and fear tactics and coercion
As Its just all intended mess with my head and emotions and intended to hurt me
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26th July 2019 at 2:05 pm #84356AlwaysSorryParticipant
Hi there,
It’s absolutely intended to hurt you and it’s despicable and cruel. I’m so sorry you have to deal with this.
I don’t think there is any reasoning with these men, I know I tried everything I could think of with my ex to try and explain to him what his abuse was doing to me and to get him to stop. Nothing ever worked. I’ve read in other posts on here that some women go grey rock and do their best to not react to this abuse at all and become as boring as a grey rock. Try googling it and see if that is something you could perhaps try.
I think it’s good to read that you can see it for what it is – punishments for perceived slights and guilt trips when there is nothing for you to feel guilty for. A good man would be proud of you for being proud of yourself and support you when you are building your confidence and cheer you on to keep going. I’m so sorry you were abused instead x
Have you ever called WA? I think a chat with them could be helpful to you. If you have reached your enough is enough moment they can also talk through your options of leaving if that is something you wanted to explore. They won’t pressure you, it’s just so you know you have options x
Keep posting x
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29th July 2019 at 3:03 pm #84557NewWingsParticipant
He does of course want a reaction, it’s food and drink to an abusive personality. They feed off our upset and emotions as it somehow makes them feel alive. My ex did this on a fairly regular basis and not just with me but our kids too. He is someone who requires a lot of attention from those around him. I am so sorry you are going through this but it,s not going to stop. It’s like WA say the first hit is never the last, as a point or line in the sand in terms of acceptable behaviour has been passed. To think something is one thing but to say it or act on it quite another. The devastation caused to the other person is mind blowing because it’s like another person is standing in front of you and in reality that is it. He has removed the mask and you see the real person and it’s not pretty. It sounds as though he maybe a covert n********t but I suppose I shouldn’t make assumptions. He’s probably scared of the more confident woman you are and so hopes to keep you at home isolated. I’m sorry to tell you but they all do it. Mind games hiding keys,cards etc all to keep you where they can control you. So that even if you are alone at home you won’t leave the property. Grey rock is a method that my sister in law has employed her husband always came over as really nice but then he turned his rage on me and it was volcanic. Interestingly my ex wanted to get of our family car and I saw my world further closing in around me,that’s when I knew I had to get out. Good luck and I would definitely get in touch with women’s aid . You’re a brave woman deserving better.
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29th July 2019 at 9:41 pm #84597TobfreeParticipant
Thanks for ur advise and support
Its not easy as every time i stand up to him he mentally and emotionally attacks me and uses guilt trips and blame all on me and he gas lights n projects on to me tooIts traumatic devastating confusing scary being hit hard with words as weapons and mind games
Thought i could rise above this abuse grow more confident etc
Yet he attacks me when i try
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