kids custody

[Simii]

I writing to get some advice from people in similar situation.
I was in an abusive relationship and finally left him (detail removed by Moderator) ago. The abuse was so extreme that I had to leave the house in the midnight to keep myself safe and hence I have lost the contact of my kids since then.The kids are (detail removed by Moderator) and(detail removed by Moderator) years old. I returned to home on several occasions to see the kids but he kept abusing me. He was manipulative and coercive and used the kids and kept me going without letting me seek legal help until after (detail removed by Moderator) of me leaving the house. Coming from an Asian background it took me long time to make a decision to leave him. I lost the friends and the family support.(detail removed by Moderator)
He used the kids to manipulate them and to say that they do not wish to see me. Despite the pressure the kids were exposed to, my son who is (detail removed by Moderator) years old admitted to the social worker that the dad is stopping him to see me or meet me.
(detail removed by Moderator)
When I requested for at least few hours of contact per week with my son, the Guardian said that would amount to kids separation. She also mentioned that he would be more vulnerable and would not be able to express his distress.
I could not understand how I a biological mother could be separated until they are 18 years old when there are no safeguarding issues.I work as a (detail removed by Moderator). I was refrained from meeting them at school or meet in public places if I accidentally bump into them to avoid distress to the kids.The only contact I have is indirect contact through letters and presents on special occasions. But being a biological mother and having parental responsibility, he is demanding me to pay child maintenance every month and hence I am paying him regularly. He played the role of being a victim quite well with the professionals.(detail removed by Moderator)The police did not take my complaint of domestic abuse seriously as it was reported late (should be reported within 6 months of its occurrence)
(detail removed by Moderator) How am I supposed to live without seeing them until they are 18 years old? (detail removed by Moderator)

[older lady]

“On average, a woman is assaulted 35 times before her first call to the police.” I read that on the Refuge website. So I don’t understand the 6 month rule and why that applies to domestic abuse. We can now report historical rape so I don’t know why we can’t report historical domestic abuse, understanding that many women have not felt safe to come forward and report it, for very obvious reasons. I’m sorry for what you are going through. It seems that you are reliant upon the expertise of your solicitor. Have you been in contact with your local Women’s Aid or domestic abuse advisory service? Maybe they can help you further? xx

[Simii]

I contacted them few days ago and waiting for the case worker to get back to me.

[older lady]

Good. Simii, please keep going, don’t give up. You know that your children will want to see you. xx

[KIP.]

Hi Simii, can you ring the helpline number on here. They can put you in touch with other agencies. ‘Rights for Women’ offer free legal advice over the phone. Many abusive men get ot see their children at contact centres so I cannot understand how you are being denied access. It sounds dreadful. I would also consider contacting my local MP and get her on board to help your case x

[Confused123]

Hi Simi

Welcome to the site, you will get lots of support of us ladies here wherever we can help you. Firstly you should def be able to see your kids via contact centre, your solcitor should of guided you how to apply for this , call the help line and see what other agencies can help you, in most areas there are women centres now where a solciitor givess free advice once a wek, if you cant wait call women of rights , there lines are open daily at a certain times and they give free legal advice too.

Have you got social services involved to help you get contact with your children. I can understand the stress they cause to you when they emotional abuse the kids and get them to say they dont want to see you and refuse to leave their dad undedr pre4ssure. Please dont think you wont see your kids till they are 18, stay strong during this hard process, nobody can stop you going to school parents eveing or things going at school where your will be, get a solicitor straight away to act for you on gainign access to your children. I am so glad your child spoke up,

[Simii]

The social services were involved for almost an year now. They don’t believe that he is manipulating the kids. (Detail removed by moderator).  I’m struggling to convince these people how manipulative person he is. (Detail removed by moderator).  I couldn’t understand how can a biological mother be separated until they are adults without any reason and when there are no safeguarding issues. (Detail removed by moderator) What am I supposed to do now? Please can somebody help me?

[Confused123]

Hi HUn

YOu are going to have to get a soliciotr and fight for access to your kids, considering your son todlsocial services he is being forced to say he doesnt want to see u they should get involved, see if you can appraoch the caff cass at school , theyn willspeak with you and your kids and get appropriate agencies involved. I know its hard to prove emotional abuse,but this is what he is doing to the children

[lilaclady]

You need legal help with this. Can you contact Citizens Advice or Rights for Women. You need someone to fight to get access to your kids and also to work on custody. I would DEFINITELY ring the helpline here they can advise you. Your child has spoken up on this so you need someone to be fighting for you and working your case for you.

[Simii]

I have done everything that has been advised already. (detail removed by Moderator) I am being given only indirect access to the kids through letters and presents until they are 18 years old. No direct contact given whilst there are no safeguarding issues. Please help and support me in getting access to my kids

[Confused123]

hey hun

(detail removed by Moderator) your story touched my heart, hope u have strength t o keep fighting for your chiildren, is absolute disgrace the outcome, have u tried to call the southall black sisters and see if they can help you, also have you tried womens of right helpline

[Simii]

tried the helpline, no help. They are surprised by the outcome but didn’t offer much of support.

[Simii]

Please help me reunite me with my children (detail removed by Moderator). I have not seen my children for the past (detail removed by Moderator) since the time I was out of the house. my ex was unhappy that I left him and since then he has been using the kids to harm me. (detail removed by Moderator) I am still here begging for help. He was quite manipulative with me asking me to re-marry again (detail removed by Moderator). Coming from an Asian community, I felt quite stigmatized and was left with no support.
I still couldn’t understand why I should be refrained from my kids? at the same time as a biological mother I am forced to pay him the child maintenance for him every month. As a parent, I am supposed to pay him, but they don’t let me use my rights to be with my children.
I met my daughter briefly in (detail removed by Moderator) ago and spoke to her. (detail removed by Moderator) His new wife and one of my family friend has witnessed this meeting, but still professionals asked me to refrain and not to go near by until they are ready and approach me in the public. I was not given any time frame as to when the things will be considered and looked at again. The choice was left to the dad. My ex says it will be when they grow older enough, which is 18 years according to him.
Even prisoner mothers are allowed to see the children regularly, when I am working professional with no safeguarding issues, why am I denied my rights to see my children?

[Author]

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