11th February 2019 at 11:12 am #72189
i recieved an email last week at work, it was giving the staff an opportunity to express how we can have a better understanding of each other in the work place. its probably a government initiative to show that there is no discrimination going on. unfortunately especially in a care setting people dealing with people tend to dehumanise, whether that is through fear or ignorance i dont know. i was working long shifts and carrying out a responsible job when i was being abused at home. this carried on into my work place where he would call me at the main desk and intimidate me.I finally went off sick because i was pretty close to a breakdown i was also suffering with a chronic painful condition (this had flared up dramatically due to abuse) I read a report recently about my performance that was written in my absence and not signed (that says it all!) it said this employee has a vast amount of family problems, she simply does not care about her job and her standards have slipped greatly. i would not trust her to mentor a student and the other staff have been complianing that she does not pull her weight. she has not progressed in her career and i do not imagine that she ever will! i was then redeployed put on the scrap heap as it was described by my now new manger. The institution that i belong to is renound for bullying the care sector no less. When i read this i was in floods of tears. looking back he had stalked me driving along side me hurling abuse at me while i walked for the bus. you can only imagine the state i was in when i got there for my shift. i stupidy sometimes accepted a lift and on a few occasions he physically assualted me. i relied on him for child care at the time which was huge mistake. now i am wondering if i should take action. i see my old manager around my work place and she knows she did nothing to help me, i see it in here eyes. I would like people to realise what it is like to hold down a job and look after a family whilst dealing with domestic abuse. Its too easy to sweep everthing under the carpet, i feel i will take this opportunity to have my say. Thanks for listening bit of a vent this morning !! luv diy xx
11th February 2019 at 12:05 pm #72190JanedoeissadParticipant
I believe that when I was in the abusive relationship my work took a downward turn. Since leaving I think I have come on leaps and bounds. One work place knew everything and were so kind and generous, they got me counselling and just got it straight away without necessarily understanding. The second company I now work for I know would not give me the level of support I require. So I have never told them. I feel like I should be able to say but I worry people will say something insensitive (“why didn’t you just leave?”, “surely it couldn’t have been that bad”, etc). Plus I am out of it now and am getting the help I need away from work.
I think the phrasing used in the report written about you was utterly insensitive, unprofessional and uncaring. However, I think trying to get stupid, insensitive people to see the damage they do is like trying to nail jelly to a wall. For me the best revenge is to walk way, excel somewhere else and then return and show them how you flourished.
I can see the appeal of making them accountable for their actions though.
Big hugs, some of your work colleagues sounds like tw*ts. You deserve better than that.
11th February 2019 at 12:38 pm #72191
thank you JDS
your right your hitting your head of a brick wall trying to deal with people with those attitudes. its great that you got the support that you needed. if nothings in place or made to be mandatory ie in certain instances support and a period of time off is offered were up against it when it comes to work. im sure the financial impact of this is even more pressre. pressure we can do without when your fighting to keep sane! im going to look at a different career path altogether now, im not going to accept that i belong on the scrap heap 🙂 the woman who wrote this report is one of the most narcassistic people i have actually ever come across. maybe we could ask the government to put all narcassists on a separate island and leave them with no boats? 😀 lol thanks youve given me more clarity and all i can really do now is get on with my life. i will prove them wrong xx 🙂 luv diy
11th February 2019 at 7:38 pm #72205IwantmebackParticipant
Hi DIY, just want to show support. Helen walmsley johnston works as a journalist, she worked in the ‘caring’ profession before that, and was systematically abused but her female boss, As well as her abusive partner. She wrote a book about it. Totally bared her soul, long and short, her boss gave her bad reports too, she ended up losing her job because of it, BUT she successfully sued them . The way she was treated by her boss, it was awful, but she was seen through in the end.
Don’t let the ba…rds grind you down💞
12th February 2019 at 9:15 am #72236
Thank you 🙂
I wont let it get to me because I know given the same circumstances im sure she would not have coped either under the strain. At the time i was pretty messed up and tbh ive forgotten alot of that period in my life. It makes me feel sad because i dont understand why someone would kick you when your already down? looking back she was a very aggressively assertive woman. i was put on an assertive course under her management at the time too! so inappropriate looking back as i didnt really understand the full extent of what was happening to me in my relationship. Her actions were based on ignorance i guess and i was probably just seen as a number at work. If your seen as non productive then your cast aside. I know if someone came to me id pull out all the stops to help them. i think i will make that complaint although it is scary because my previous manager is directly linked to my new one- were under the same directorate. We cant live our lives in fear though can we? xx luv diy
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