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    • #140738
      Rainydays
      Participant

      Hello
      I’m so sorry but I’m going crazy and just need someone to tell me that I am not a completely uncaring, selfish, worthless person etc etc etc.
      He (other half, we are not married) won’t stop having a go at me, day in day out, night after night, that I should cash in my pensions so that he doesn’t have to work anymore, along with the fact that he wants us to move (currently we rent in my sole name), even buy abroad. On top of which he is not happy with the result of my divorce (we hadn’t even met when I went through my divorce), insisting I should have got more money from my ex and that now, now I should start proceedings again against my ex to get more money out of him …..
      It’s relentless, every conversation comes back to this – he’s not well, he doesn’t want to work anymore, doesn’t like his job, I’m going to kill him because I won’t cash in my pensions therefore making him go back to work. Now he says he’s having nightmares with the worry about going back to work (he has been off sick [detail removed by moderator]) and that’s my fault – everything is my fault ……
      He has practically no pension, he couldn’t be bothered with keeping up his pension payments (long before we got together and ever since), but that’s my fault too.
      We’re both (detail removed by moderator)- oh please, am I wrong, I don’t want to cash in my pensions – they are my financial security for the future, I don’t want to drag myself, my family through ‘divorce proceedings’ when it’s done, over with, way over (detail removed by moderator) years now – I just want peace.
      How do I find peace ?

    • #140739
      Rainydays
      Participant

      I’m so sorry ladies – but my head is spinning – he won’t marry me (unless I pay for my own wedding), he insists I should cash in any and all money/pensions I have (and its not like I’m a multi millionaire), so he doesn’t have to work. He’s decided he doesn’t like where we live (rented in my name only) so wants to move. Wants to live abroad, paid for by me. I’m going to kill him by making him go back to work because I won’t cash anything in, he’ll be unwell again and that’ll be my fault.
      He has been unwell, (detail removed by moderator).
      All I get is how unreliable I am, uncaring, selfish along with how bad I dress, my make-up isn’t how he wants it, my driving is appalling, I (detail removed by moderator) can’t cook, when I go shopping I don’t buy the right things, I’m c**p at cleaning our home, I don’t keep his washing up-to-date, (detail removed by moderator).
      Feels like my head is going to explode …

    • #140740
      KIP.
      Participant

      You’re being psychologically and financially abused. He will bleed you dry and leave you with nothing. This man sounds like a parasite and an abuser. He will wear you down psychologically. Gaslighting and Lying and making you feel crazy. It’s not okay for him to behave this way. You have done so much for him but it will never ever be enough. He will simply move the goal posts. Time to exit this toxic abusive relationship.

    • #140741
      Rainydays
      Participant

      KIP – thank you, I’m not a bad person, well I don’t remember that I was a bad person – right now I have no idea who I am or what I feel. No dreams or hopes or desires, it’s like all life has been pulled out of me to the point where I am actually scared all the time. I sit on the sofa, my heart pounding, waiting for the next onslaught of whatever it is I have done wrong – I don’t feel relaxed ever, even when he sleeps, I’m scared he’ll wake up and it’ll all start again.
      I just want to feel safe again … and the constant onslaught from him is killing me …

    • #140743
      KIP.
      Participant

      That’s what happens with abuse. Our bodies are on high alert constantly. It’s really bad for your mental and physical health. Talk to your local womens aid.

    • #140749
      soapt
      Participant

      my heart pounding, waiting for the next onslaught of whatever it is I have done wrong – I don’t feel relaxed ever, even when he sleeps, I’m scared he’ll wake up and it’ll all start again.

      This right here hits home for me, hard. For a very long time, I have not been able to fall asleep before my husband for the same fear – that he will wake up and want to fight about something I did or didn’t do (usually something sexual). It is anxiety! I’m pretty sure sleep is supposed to be restful lol. Among other things, this isn’t right.

      Sounds to me that you are also in an abusive relationship and he seriously only cares for himself.

      Take care

    • #140751
      Ayanna
      Participant

      Hi Rainydays, this guy is unfortunately a freeloader.
      Please, don’t marry him.
      If he was not able to secure himself a pension that’s entirely his own fault.
      You are not responsible for his ailments and inabilities.
      He can live on benefits if he is unable to do anything for himself.
      He is never your responsibility and you have no obligation to ever give him anything of your money.
      The best thing to do with him is to kick him out far, in my opinion. And never let him return.

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