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    • #36021
      Midnight Marbles
      Participant

      After a horrific hour and a half I’m sat in my car at the roadside. I’m devastated, the counsellor has told me that I’m being emotionally abused and have been for so long she has no idea how I’ve carried on! I already know this but it’s the first time I’ve told anybody how bad I feel about it.

      I’m now going to drive home, but all I want to do is go some place else. Every friend I can think of has other issues and I’m scared of putting on them in case I can’t see it through, I’m scared of his reaction if I don’t go home soon. But once I’m there I’m back in that same hole and I’ll never get out, I’ll always be there, never escaping.

      What are the first steps you take to get away. I’m so afraid of how this will all evolve but its going to destroy me if I don’t do something soon.

    • #36024
      EeyoreNoMore
      Participant

      Do you have a friend you can go to, just for tonight and then go to a shelter tomorrow?

      Counselling is not easy. The realisation that you’re being abused is not easy. It’s a big step and you should be proud that you’ve done it.

    • #36026
      Lisa
      Main Moderator

      Hi Midnight marbles,

      I just wanted to show you some support. It is very understandable that you are feeling overwhelmed and confused after discovering that you are receiving abuse. Please try and stay safe and do not put yourself at risk by sharing your revelations with him as it could make your situation even more dangerous. Please phone the helpline at your next safe opportunity. They will talk you through all your options and offer your support and advice in whatever you decide.

      We are all here for you so please keep posting.

      Best wishes,

      Lisa
      Forum Moderator

    • #36028
      WalkerInTheRain
      Participant

      Well done for getting counselling, that in itself is a hard step.
      Don’t be afraid to call upon a trusted friend for support. Find me one adult in the land that doesn’t have their own stresses to deal with! Someone who loves you will make that time and space for you (as you would for them).
      This period of time where your eyes are first opened is incredibly frightening and bewildering and you’ll need all the love and support from the right sources as you can get.
      I cried more the night I first realised what was going on than I have for the rest of my journey combined.

      Call the helpline when it is safe to do so. They can put you in touch with your local services who can help guide you to leave, if that’s what you choose to do, in a way that helps protect your safety.

    • #36037
      Confused123
      Participant

      Hi HUn

      Call the help line or google up dommestic violence support agencies and ask to be refered to a refugee, get a support worker allocated and then get support u need, before u leave have a bag pre packed and take your important documents like id. , bank statements and proofm of where u lived

    • #36045
      Lightness
      Participant

      Hi Midnight
      So sorry you are in this situation. Finding out you are in an emotionally abusive relationship is frightening and exhausting and can make you feel as though your world has turned upside down. Things that helped me:
      – please realise how strong you are to have got to this point – that strength will serve you well in leaving
      – as Confused123 says, pack your important belongings including those above plus sentimental things eg. jewellery/photos and any evidence you may have (of abuse and of finances)
      – DO NOT tell your abuser anything. DO NOT act differently – abusive men can be very intuitive and you may find he notices something has changed – he may become more abusive to attempt to stop you from leaving – please be careful and always be ready to leave and call 999
      – journal his behaviour – but leave as soon as you can
      – change your passwords
      – get yourself a really good support network, including GP, a trusted friend who can help you leave, and help you stay out of the relationship
      – prepare yourself for going no contact with him and his family
      – phone the helpline – they will call you back if not available immediately
      – have faith that there is a much much better future waiting for you

      We are here for you

      x

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