Latest tactic?

[soconfused2]

I’ve filed for divorce from my emotional abusive husband.

After I did so, he gave me the silent treatment for about 3 months not even acknowledging I was in the room and even in front of out kids (we’re still living in the same house for now).

Initially I sent emails saying sorry and begging him to talk to me, but then I stopped that.

Now out of the blue, he’a talking to me. Just practical stuff about the children, but being much more pleasant.

However I asked him if he wanted to talk about what has been going on and he said no.

Part of me thinks I need to give him time and he’ll talk and we might be able to move forward. The other part thinks this is just part of the cycle of abuse. The silent treatment wasn’t working anymore because I stopped begging so this is his new approach.

I need to decide whether to press on with the divorce at this point, so any advice welcome.

Thanks for reading.

[KIP.]

Living with an abuser while divorcing him doesn’t work. He knows he can manipulate you as he’s done it for years and when you won’t back down he will become violent. I spent years in this cycle of abuse. Asked him to leave hundreds of times. He’s going nowhere. It’s up to you to either have him removed from the property or move out with the kids. It’s child abuse at the moment and it will get worse. You can bet he’s bad mouthing you to the kids and any one who will listen. He’s going nowhere. Contact your local women’s aid for support. You can’t do this alone.

[Thesoundofrain]

Hi

I’m not the greatest in articulation right now but I just want to say – what you are having done to you will continue forever I have been with mine for over (detail removed by moderator) I’m in (detail removed by moderator) of the silent treatment because he is mad at me for something he did – all it’s done has made me out to be the bad guy as a narc manipulation on kids is well documented- mine have grown up with it and as much as I thought I was being a good mother by staying it back fired … he’s still the same and I’m mentally destroyed- get out and don’t look back – hindsight ( for me ) is a wonderful thing – trust me I know how hard it is … they never change the patterns. . X

[Wants To Help]

Hi soconfused,

Carry on with your plans for the divorce. When you started this process it was because you had already decided enough was enough. Look at how he treated you for months with the silent treatment when he found out you wanted it.

The fact that he is now communicating on a civil basis about practical stuff is a positive, at least it means you can discuss some things. But… you have asked him if he wants to talk about the other stuff and he’s declined. Why on earth would you consider wanting to withdraw divorce proceedings with someone who doesn’t want to talk about things that are important to you?

Ignore the part of you that thinks if you give him time he’ll become the man you want him to be and listen to the part of you that is telling you this is part of the abuse cycle.

I do agree with Kip that trying to divorce someone whilst still living in the same house as them is never a good idea, but if you feel you can do this without compromising your safety then do so. I do think he’ll get worse before the divorce is finalised though, so keep your wits about you and stay safe.

xx

[Author]

Posts