- This topic has 18 replies, 10 voices, and was last updated 2 years, 9 months ago by Anonymous.
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12th June 2021 at 4:47 pm #127078RosemaryParticipant
I never new how stressful it is leaveing my Parther I am so tired and feeling drained out . I’ve had to get police involved to protect me and my children I am finding it hard to even explain my self to the police I’ve told them about his behaviour but they are asking me why does he do this and what does he say to me I told me as much as I can I feel so physically and mentally worn out I feel sick I feel hurt and pain in my heart I mix emotions. I feel leaveing is so much more stressful. I’ve got more pulplations in my heart heart leaveing makes you feel so draining with the whole situation. I am out of my relationship this is the hardest thing I’ve ever done .
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12th June 2021 at 5:35 pm #127079ISOPeaceParticipant
You’ve done it!!!! I didn’t know it would be so soon. I’m soooooooooooooo pleased for you. What you have done is amazing. It will take time for everything to sink in.
You and your children are safe. You have your own space. You’ve got your children away from the emotional damage.
I know how worried you were but you still did it.
It sounds like you’ve been unlucky with the police. They should know better than to quiz you about the abuse.
Do your best to look after yourself and enjoy spending time with your children without him around.
Sending lots of love xxxx
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13th June 2021 at 6:48 am #127093RosemaryParticipant
Thank you Isopeace
Thank you for careing and being proud of me . My situation now is very stressful and I am not coping well to be honest. Also my children are not copeing well they get emotional now being scared if there dad will find us . I’ve had a breakdown I never even new how difficult it is leaveing my Parther and the impact its given on me and my children Its horrible
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13th June 2021 at 9:22 am #127095EggshellsParticipant
Hi Rosemary,
This is fantastic, you’re out. I have been following your posts but haven’t replied as I’ve not been able to say anything useful.
Well done for getting out, even though it was and is hard for you. You have done amazingly well.
It is difficult leaving an abuser. You really need to dig deep now and find your inner strength.
Take time for yourself. You need to find “exercises” that will help you to build resilience. It really helps if you can find some time, every day to focus on self care.
It could be something as simple as sitting quietly on your own, after the kids have gone to bed, savouring a coffee and a chocolate bar. Focus on the luxury of the peace and quiet, focus on the taste and feel of the chocolate in your mouth.
Try to take advantage of this beautiful weather to get out and about, into nature, with your children.
Put on your favourite music and sing along at the top of your voice.
Just 10 minutes a day, just for yourself, can make a huge difference.
Leaving and the time directly after leaving is often the most difficult time. You can get through this and things will start to get better. You just need to hang on in there and keep pushing forward. xx
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13th June 2021 at 9:57 am #127098LisaMain Moderator
Hi Rosemary, I wanted to offer a little support this morning. Leaving is incredibly difficult of course, but you are doing the right thing by putting yourself and your children first. Your safety and wellbeing is always the key thing.
Keep reaching out to your advocate to make sure you can access all of the support you need. Do remember that you can also seek some support via the Women’s Aid Live chat, which is available until 6pm today: https://chat.womensaid.org.uk/
Best wishes
Lisa
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13th June 2021 at 12:08 pm #127109RosemaryParticipant
Hello beachhut
Thank you for your message I really appreciate it.i had a breakdown yesterday I had to let my tears out I had mix emotions I just could not get my head around my situation in leaveing it was so stressful. I dont feel better but I managed to get some sleep . I feel anxious because I’ve had to get police involved I dont want to talk out in court because I will find it hard to do that it’s to get a restraining order so my Parther cant go near me and my children I will ask the police information about it when they phone me again .
This situation is makeing me feel uneasy and I dont now how long it will take to get a house.Thank you for your love and support
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13th June 2021 at 12:17 pm #127110RosemaryParticipant
Hello eggshells
Thank you so much for your advice and surport I really appreciate it so much we have been outside for a walk and go to the shops but I still feel unsafe going out thinking my Parther going to be around it’s a horrible feeling that goes thought my mind .
I will be phoneing my doctors up because one of my children not copeing with this situation as much as my other children I need to get her some tablets for panick attacks they just come on just like that fear about her dad it is so sad how my children should have to suffer still .
. I still get thease pulplations in my heart I still feel the same as when I used to live with my partner.
Thank you for your love and support it’s kind of you xx
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13th June 2021 at 12:25 pm #127111RosemaryParticipant
Thank you lisa for careing and for the link and your advice . This is the most difficult thing I have done in my life is to leave it’s taken me many years to do this . I’ve had problems already which the police now about my Parther went to someone house to see if I was there . My partner saying to thease people that his done nothing wrong but then he owned up to something he has done . I now this will be hard for my Parther because he has no one in his life now he would be lonely the thing is if he did not be abusive or aggressive and be abusive to my children makes then cry and feel uncomfortable things would not be like this if he had treated me and my children right . I dont now why but I feel upset leaveing him I’ve been with him for many years and I did love him before it’s hard to let go but makes me sad how his treated us all .
Thank you for your love and support xx
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13th June 2021 at 2:24 pm #127113KIP.Participant
Hi there, we need to grieve for the relationship and for our hopes and dreams and our future. It’s okay to be sad. Healing from Hidden Abuse by Shannon Thomas is a great book. Meantime be kind to yourself. He chose his abusive behaviour and there are consequences. He will only be upset because he’s lost control of you. This is the most dangerous time for women, when they leave so stay safe and just take baby steps x
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13th June 2021 at 2:41 pm #127115RosemaryParticipant
Thank you Kip for careing its lovely of you . That is so true that his upset because his lost control of me . Your right it will take time to heal . I will get to read that book thank you for telling me about it .
When I left my Parther I was walking around fast and hurting my self in a panick I was so stress out it was horrible I still feel uneasy . I will take baby steps .
Thank you for your love and support xx
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13th June 2021 at 4:34 pm #127116KIP.Participant
Try to make time for meditation and mindfulness. It counteracts the anxiety and helps in the long run x it will take practice. You will get there. Sometimes it’s when we are safe that our brain has time and safety to process the trauma so watch out for that. I had post traumatic stress disorder after I left x
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13th June 2021 at 7:28 pm #127122RosemaryParticipant
Thank you Kip for careing about me bless you .it will take a while to get better I think I have post traumatic disorder I read up on post traumatic disorder and I have all the systems its horrible.
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13th June 2021 at 11:10 pm #127137PinkypantherParticipant
Well done for getting out, now yo need to work on you and them kiddies of yours. It will take time for you all to feel safe as you have lived in fear for so long but your out thats the most important thing you have taken the biggest and hardest step. Give it time and everythig else will fall into place. You will still grieve this relationship ending even though it was an awful relationship you still need to give yourself time to get over it and come to terms with what you have all been through. I hope the doctor can do something to help your child. it will be hard for them kiddies and they wont realise they are safe yet, give them time and they to will heal. You will helth each other through this and that will make you so much stronger and closer as a family.
again well done for getting out, we are always here for you. You got this x*x
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13th June 2021 at 11:27 pm #127138SecretlifeParticipant
Hello Rosemary
I just wanted to say a huge ‘well done’ for getting out. I can’t say much more as I’m still stuck, but I do realise the almighty strength it would have taken you to leave. You are an inspiration to others like me. Sending lots of love xx
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15th June 2021 at 12:09 am #127187gettingtiredParticipant
I’m the same as you Secretlife, still stuck but hopeful after reading other women have managed to get out.
Sending you a virtual hug Rosemary 💚 It must have been so difficult but you’ve absolutely made the right choice for you and your children x*x
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15th June 2021 at 8:07 pm #127215RosemaryParticipant
Thank you pink panther for careing and thank you for being here for me thank you for your advice as well it means alot to me x*x
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15th June 2021 at 8:15 pm #127216RosemaryParticipant
Hello secritlife
Thank you so much for thinking of me I really appreciate it. I still feel so weak and depressed I am not copeing well it’s so hard i got emotions I feel physically and mentally worn out. X*x
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15th June 2021 at 8:34 pm #127217HawthornParticipant
Hi Rosemary,
I’m so so delighted to hear you’ve escaped. You’re very very brave, even though you might not be feeling like that right now. It is so normal to feel sad and overwhelmed, you and your children have been through so much, but you’re their hero for rescuing them, and yourself, from your partners abuse. Just concentrate on getting through one day, one hour if needs be, at a time. Try to drink plenty of water, sleep and eat as much as you can. Cry all you need to, it helps to release the stress you’ve been carrying for so long. Keep reaching out here and to your advocate, we’re all rooting for you. It does get better, time is a great healer so try to be patient with yourself.
Sending a big hug xx
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15th June 2021 at 8:43 pm #127218AnonymousInactive
Hi Rosemary,
I’m sorry it has been so hard for you. You have done the right thing. I hope you get the protection you need.
I agree with the meditation suggestion. Breath in through the nose and out through the mouth. There are apps for children too. It can help them relax before they go to sleep.
You are stronger than you know. I cried a lot after I got away from the abuse. And I definitely grieved the loss of what I had hoped for. I was also very much on edge and checking my back. I’ve also not left the house for a few days after my ex said he wanted me to die as I was worried I would see him around.
It also took time for me to accept my new identity as a single Mum who had lived through years of abuse. Now I’m comfortable with who I am.
You’ve done well for getting out. I hope you can start to enjoy the freedom with your children. And I really hope you can have a home soon to settle into and call your own.
We are here for you xx
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