Leaving

[Spacedout]

I need to leave him and in my head heart and soul I know I am done, over the last few months I’ve spoke up more said no more ignored behaviour and comments and I have got myself on my feet I have some not very much savings and I am already half way out the door, I work night shifts so it’s very hard to leave with all my stuff clothes, bike, computer, bits and bobs I’m not taking any furniture I just cba for the hassle I’ve brought most of it though, so yeah I work night shift he’s been made redundant so he’s now home all hrs of the day, I want to leave with him not here due to violence, I’ve packed my stuff once before only for stuff to get smashed clothes to get cut and so on, but I’m worried about the violence. He’s threatened my life he’s threatened to stab me in the past and iknow he’s capable of that. So how do I go about this, I also feel scared about asking a friend to help load my stuff in a car cause No1 except his own mother knows what’s happening apparently she’s going through it with her own partner but she ain’t leaving I am, I don’t want me or my friend to get hurt I have no clue where to go my family live miles away and have no room my job is here and I don’t want to lose it, can I get emergency housing even though I work or could I go into a refuge even though I work what are my options. Also whats the best place to start for councilling

[KIP.]

Hi, please talk to the domestic abuse police and tell them of your concerns. You can have an officer with you when you pack your belongings. Depending on who owns the house etc or who is on the lease you may be able to have him removed. Speak to the national domestic abuse helpline about your refuge options. Leaving is the most dangerous time for you so tell him nothing. Can you slowly remove things and leave them at your friends house. You could say your having a clear out for charity if he gets suspicious?

[Lisa]

Hi Spacedout,

You have already been given some good insight into options to be safe as you plan to leave your abusive partner. You are right to be cautious and aware of how he’ll respond if he was to sense you were planning to leave.
You can find more details on safely leaving here.
Some refuges have been known to take women in employment, it really is up to the individual refuge manager to decide whether this is truly a safe option not just for you, but for the other women and children staying in that refuge. Do look into this as an option if you feel it suits you. It is more of an immediate service, though you are more likely to find a space quicker the more open you are to travel. Find more details about going into a refuge here.
Another option could be to engage with your local domestic abuse service, where a worker may be able to advocate to housing on your behalf to help make you a priority to be rehoused. This tends to suit women more if they want to remain in the job they are in, however this can take more time. You can search for your local service here. When you are safe and settled, you can again approach your local domestic abuse service for any links to emotional/psychological support and counselling.
I hope this helps.
Do keep posting here to let us know how you get on.
Take care.

Lisa

[Author]

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