Leaving abusive home,I am genuinely stuck

[chocolatecocoa9]

I feel very hopeless.I have never felt safe at home,my dad physically abused me at a young age then when he left my brother abused me both physically and verbally.
(detail removed by moderator) Since realising I wasn’t going to get help I gave up on all hope totally in despair until I tried to find any way to leave.I still feel despair,a never ending cruel reality I just have to live in because I don’t see any options for me.
I thought of applying for refuge and realised that I cannot bring my dog,someone has to foster him.(detail removed by moderator) I hope maybe there’s a solution for this so I can be safe at a refuge?Does anyone have any experience with fostering and refuge?
I have applied for housing and I don’t really feel hopeful at all,hearing how people wait for years to be able to get a home.I apply for every job going,most don’t even reply,some jobs are far out and I have only had one interview in my life that was a few years ago and they didn’t even reach out to me to say I got the job or not.I am not being physically abused anymore,I was physically abused in the past but being verbally abused now and I am still scared of being hit.

(detail removed by moderator) Death threats constantly. I can’t sleep at night at all,constant anxiety attacks,hyperventilating.He eats everything in the house,he leaves no food for me (detail removed by moderator).I have to check if the cooker is turned off because I’m scared of fires,he doesn’t even turn it off most night.He tells me I should die almost every day,tells me how worthless I am.Made fun of me being a (detail removed by moderator) blamed me telling me how I deserve it and how he’s glad I got (detail removed by moderator) and I’m dumb and how my (detail removed by moderator) looks mutilated.(detail removed by moderator) I do not sleep well at all,I never feel rested,I’m extremely tired everyday.If I’m in the kitchen at the same time as him he stands infront of the washing machine telling me that I can’t use it. Im the only one who cleans the house and he tells me it’s not good enough.(detail removed by moderator) I had also noticed a hole in his wall,which looks like he had punched the wall.He tried to throw me down the stairs when I was standing at the top he wouldn’t let me walk past.He throws my washed clothes and dried clothes on the floor when they are done washing/drying.Sexist slurs everyday.He told me he was going to stab me to death recently.Im still living in constant fear.

Years ago,this happened to me I was slammed into walls and doors.Holes in walls.(detail removed by moderator) Slapped across the face.Punched in the arms.Kicked non stop unexpectedly.Throwing random objects at me from laptop chargers to coins to shoes.Tried to set me on fire numerous times.Was told by him that I deserved to be kidnapped,raped and beaten to death (detail removed by moderator) I shouldn’t be living here at all.I don’t see the point in reporting this to the police,I literally just give up,what am I actually supposed to do.

[lover of no contact]

My heart goes out to you. You are living with such abuse and cruelty. In fact it sounds like you’re living with a mad-man; except he’s not mad, he knows exactly what he’s doing which is putting you in fear for your life and your safety. Well done for reaching out for support on here. I know you feel trapped and as if there’s no escape from living with such abuse but keep reaching out for support. This is too much for you to be dealing with on your own. Gather as many supports around you as you can. It will keep your strength and your hope up. Could you also have a chat with your GP about it all. One thing could lead to another. Also call domestic abuse support services. Could you try this survivors forum live chat.Ring them everyday if you have to. When I was living with the abuse I eventually went to my local police station and asked them to log the threats etc. For me the police couldn’t do anything as he was threatening me that I’d be out of the house and that I was crazy etc. But I felt better after the police had logged it as if someone was handling it as well as me. And then it did come in handy when I eventually needed to get a protective order as his abusive behaviour had been logged already. I was sorry I never went to my GP as I was advised to do as this was more evidence. If everyday you could reach out for some support even if it’s just posting on here or reading others posts it honestly will all add up and you will break free. I thought I would never break free from the abuser but I did. I remember that helpless and hopeless feeling.I will keep you in my prayers.

🙏

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