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Hi Katkat44
If you don’t already have an IDVA or keyworker from your local DV charity?, now might be a good time to ask for one. They should be able to help you.
Ultimately, it’s going to depend on the ages and mindset of your children. You know them best.
My children were both young adults when I told them. I explained the reasons why I was going and why it was important not to let their Dad know in advance. They were very understanding and supportive.
The eldest chose to live with me, the youngest chose to split his time equally between the 2 of us.
The youngest was actually less vulnerable. He understood his father very well and was very good at ignoring his manipulations. The oldest had always been much more of a target for his Dad. They both made the choices that felt right for them.
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Hi Eggshells
Thank you, I do have an IDVA, and let her know this was troubling me, she didn’t really have an answer just confirmed that it’s a very tricky situation. I’d best raise it with her again, I haven’t had many conversations with her, she’s lovely and has explained she won’t tell me what to do just help put things in place to support me.
Thank you for replying, hope all is good for you x -
Hi Kitkat – you absolutely can do this with older children. The safety of you all is what matters. Plan with your IDVA they can’t tell you what will happen because nobody knows but once you are out you can manage whatever you need to even though it’s hard. I can’t say too much detail 2 of my kids were desperate to leave one didn’t know anything I asked them to come with me and give it a few days so their dad could calm down from us fleeing and then we could talk about safe contact. That happened and since with police and court orders we are free. None of them see their dad. Sometimes older children choose differently BUT your safety matters. Keep moving forwards PM if you want x
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