Left him but left my child too

[Nobodynoonehere]

I feel like a failure.

I left nearly (detail removed by moderator) and went to stay with a family member who is currently supporting me financially while I wait to find out if my application for universal credits is successful. There is very little space here, and my child is still with her father. He was never abusive to her but he doesn’t look after her in the way I would like. I also worry what he might be saying to her about me.

She has stayed with me since I’ve been here but was incredibly homesick. She would prefer I come home but I can’t face it. I don’t know what to do.

I’m scared my benefits claim will not be successful. I am looking for a job but I have not worked in (detail removed by moderator) and my phsycial health is very poor because I am underweight. I am scared if I don’t get accepted for benefits I will have to move back because I don’t know how else I can be with my daughter.

The house is paid off and in both our names but he refuses to leave. He was never very violent to me, and not in any way I could prove, and I do not want to go through legal procedures or anything to get him removed from the house because I don’t think I have any chance of being successful and I’m scared that if things turned nasty he would fight for full custody of our child and he would win because he would tell them I am too mentally ill to care for her, and that I abandoned her by leaving to stay with my family member.

He mentally tortured me and isolated me from friends and family, he constantly belittled and insulted me and he monitored my movements and I just can’t face going back to live with him again.

He has a lot of money and could buy a new place if he wanted to. I have nothing. I have abandoned my child and she doesn’t want to leave her home and her things to come and stay in an overcrowded house. I don’t know what to do. I feel like a terrible mother and I feel like a complete failure. I can’t stop crying. I can’t eat or sleep.

[KIP.]

Please get in touch with your local women’s aid. They can help with housing and there are refuges too. Get some free legal advice too. A court can force the sale of the home if he won’t and you can get what you’re entitled to. You’re not a failure you’re abused and so is your child but they just don’t recognise it x ring the national domestic abuse helpline too. You dint have to put up with this behaviour.

[Empoweredhealing]

Please reach out to your local WA and a solicitor. Also your GP may be able to give some help and record the psychological abuse in your medical record. You shouldn’t and don’t have to deal with this alone.

[Daisy]

I just want to send you a virtual hug and let you know that I understand what you are feeling but add that you certainly aren’t a failure or rubbish mother.
You are showing your daughter no one should have to just stay and put up with abuse for one thing.
X x x

[Author]

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